Prayer of a recipient of love

Lord, 

I just want to sit at Your feet and be with You.  But time calls and beckons for my attention, people to meet, places to go, events to attend to, studies to begin, classes to attend, books to read, messages to write, but above all of that...it's always about You.  

So here I am.  Meet with me.  Open my ears to hear Your sweet whisper of closeness.  Open my heart to be aware of the truth of what You're doing to bring me closer and closer. 

Soften my heart to make me receptive and repentant.  Humble me if I've falsely outgrown the depth of Your grace in my life.  Lead me quietly by still waters as I remember my identity.  Yours. 

Lord I feel the brokenness of where I used to be, and the brokenness of where I see some to be, and I need Your presence to be with me to remind me that You're here now.  You're here now and You make all things new.  You are mighty and You are God.  You are sovereign and You will have Your good and perfect way.  I rest in You. 

Jesus.

“Now if any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives to all generously and without criticizing, and it will be given to him. 

But let him ask in faith without doubting. 

For the doubter is like the surging sea, 

driven and tossed by the wind.”

James 1:5-6

“But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peace-loving, gentle, compliant, full of mercy and good fruits, without favoritism and hypocrisy.”

James 3:17

Lord give me wisdom to love like You do.  Sharpen my understanding and breathe into my mind the very essence of Your heart for me so that when I speak it will be Your heart speaking through me.  Give me patience and endurance, but let me not be alarmed when painful exhaustion or confusion begins to rise.  Let me take those as cues for Your presence taking over.  You speak through me, but You also remind me that it is You.  At times, I feel unsure because I begin to lose strength to carry what I am given, and it is then that I realize You are carrying me. 

I can breathe easy in Your arms, so remind me again and again to welcome the weakness and have it be a call to Your arms of love. 

Lord, 

Father...

Dad.

You and me.  No one could love me like You, because You are the Creator of love itself!  No one could love anyone the way You do because we are all products of Your love, but You are the very nature of love.  

We are recipients of love, but You are love.  Funny how as recipients we try and pull love out of other recipients expecting to have endless amounts of love from a recipient when the storehouse of love is You.  We can run out of love by running away from You, but You never run dry.  

Take me deeper into Your heart where I swim in amazing love unending, unconditional and irresistible.  Refuel my storehouse so that I may overflow again.  I think I almost ran out haha and I was reminded I needed more of You, because I am not on my own...but I receive in order to give. 

In the name of Jesus, Your precious Son and my precious Savior and loving brother, and by Your Holy Spirit in me I pray confidently as Your own daughter, 

Amen. 

Jmegrey 

Mercy received begets mercy given

"Set the mercy seat on top of the ark 

and put the testimony that I will give you into the ark. 

I will meet with you there 

above the mercy seat, 

between the two cherubim 

that are over the ark of the testimony; 

I will speak with you from there 

about all that I command you 

regarding the Israelites.

Put the bread of the Presence 

on the table before Me at all times.”

Exodus 25:21-22, 30

God meets with us on the mercy seat.  

How sweet is that?  His words are from the seat of mercy, though His heart and treasure of life is in the testimony inside the ark, yet He meets to deal with us not from rules but from mercy. 

He is not wanting to give us rules for the sake of giving rules (even if the rules bring us life), but He wants to approach us from a place of mercy as He explains the commands that lead to our life in abundance, because He knows that we are so resistant to the Words of life.  

He meets us in mercy because He is willing to put in the effort of working through our resistance.  

If He does that for us, and we see that going on, how can we not do that for others?  To work through their resistance with mercy, patience and kindness.  Yet most of us usually give up on difficult people who don't listen to us or who go against us or rub us the wrong way, but if we know the mercy we have been given we would not withhold that same mercy towards others who are difficult just like us.  We, too, would work through that mess in order to bring them life but work through the mess with mercy.  Mercy means forgiveness, which means that when we work through the mess of others we take hits, painful hits to our pride and our sense of self-value, and we let them do wrong to us if and only if it means we are having mercy on them.  We don't let them walk all over us, because that is called self-pity, but to have mercy means we take hits that we don't deserve and we humbly acknowledge that our very own Savior did this for us too.  The seat of mercy is an attribute of God, which means that the way of mercy is the way to life, because if God does it we should too.  He is perfect in all of His ways. 

He has the right to punish us for not following His commands, yet His commands are also from mercy and not from rules.  So even when we know we have the right to be upset or to get angry at someone for wrongfully treating us, God shows us that mercy is the right we should choose over getting justice.  Because that is what He chose when dealing with us!  That is what He continues to choose when dealing with us, and I thank God for that!  I never want God to deal with me according to the standard of what is just because I would be in Hell then!  I want Him to deal with me from mercy.  If I want that from Him then that means I acknowledge that He wants that from me too when I deal with others.  

This just struck me, because God is telling the Israelites to build this ark, and it characterizes His very own presence with them.  This display is still how God works today!  

God still speaks to us from the seat of mercy.  

Yet how many of us show mercy to those who resist us?  The world operates differently.  Usually when someone rejects us we reject them.  But God sits on a seat of mercy and when we reject Him He is merciful not to give us rejection in return!  The way we treat those who reject us will show us whether or not we have truly come to believe in the God of mercy.  

If God has forgiven you for a debt of 2 million wrongs, and your fellow person has a debt of 4 wrongs done against you--how absurd is it to ask for their repayment to you in full justice when you yourself have been forgiven 2 million wrongs?  It would not make sense.  It only means you have not truly come to see the reality of how much God has forgiven you for.  

“Then Peter came to Him and said, 

“Lord, how many times could my brother sin against me and I forgive him? As many as seven times? ” 

“I tell you, not as many as seven,” 

Jesus said to him, 

“but 70 times seven. 

For this reason, the kingdom of heaven can be compared to a king who wanted to settle accounts with his slaves. 

When he began to settle accounts, one who owed 10,000 talents was brought before him. 

Since he had no way to pay it back, his master commanded that he, his wife, his children, and everything he had be sold to pay the debt. 

“At this, the slave fell facedown before him and said, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay you everything! ’ 

Then the master of that slave had compassion, released him, and forgave him the loan. 

"But that slave went out and found one of his fellow slaves who owed him 100 denarii. 

He grabbed him, started choking him, and said, 

‘Pay what you owe! ’ 

“At this, his fellow slave fell down and began begging him, 

‘Be patient with me, and I will pay you back.’ 

But he wasn’t willing. 

On the contrary, he went and threw him into prison until he could pay what was owed. 

When the other slaves saw what had taken place, they were deeply distressed and went and reported to their master everything that had happened. 

"Then, after he had summoned him, his master said to him, 

'You wicked slave! I forgave you all that debt because you begged me. Shouldn’t you also have had mercy on your fellow slave, as I had mercy on you? ’ 

And his master got angry and handed him over to the jailers to be tortured until he could pay everything that was owed. 

So My heavenly Father will also do to you 

if each of you does not forgive his brother 

from his heart.”

Matthew 18:21-35

That last part: "if each of you does not forgive his brother from his heart" is so real.  It's not just the words or the facial expressions of forgiving but it's forgiving from the heart!  Is that even possible? No.  It's impossible to forgive from the heart, because we have no power to do this.  We need the power of God to forgive.  And without God's help to forgive we will not be able to forgive from the heart and will end up being unforgiven by God!  

It is a desperate and utter cry of helplessness!  We need God.  We cannot even do what we need to do without His help!  Yet this parable is not about being able to forgive someone so that we too can be forgiven, but this parable is about showing us how our un-forgiveness toward another indicates a disconnect with our forgiveness from God.  If we find in our lives a person that we cannot forgive then this parable is speaking into that as an indication that we have rejected the forgiveness of God for our sins!  I shudder at the thought that I would reject God's mercy for the forgiveness of my wrongs done against Him and His authority.

This is not so much about forgiving someone as it is about our own sins having been forgiven!  Have you been forgiven?  

If so, you would not withhold forgiveness from another who owes you much less!  It would be ludicrous!  

May God soften our hearts and bring us to the reality of who we are and of how much we have been forgiven!  He sits on the throne of mercy, and Christ on Him and our inheritance is to sit on the seat of Christ, which is the seat of mercy.  

“The victor: I will give him the right to sit with Me on My throne, just as I also won the victory and sat down with My Father on His throne.”

Revelation 3:21

We are being shaped into the victor everyday and with every person we meet.  The victor is the one who shows mercy because mercy has first been given to them by God.  

Jmegrey

The pattern of fear

Fear is strong.  

Strong enough to bend our wills. 

“Moses responded to the people, 

"Don’t be afraid, 

for God has come to test you, 

so that you will fear Him 

and will not sin.”

Exodus 20:20

Our usual approach is to skip the "fear God" part and focus on the sin we are trying not to do. 

We try to resist temptation or we try to practice self control so that...SO THAT... The product is no sin.  

Our approach is all wrong and it's no wonder we fail time and time again.  The pattern we use is not the pattern we were given by God!  Only His way will give us the result we are seeking. 

So what is His way?

Shouldn't we stop sinning? 

I mean, obviously sin is bad and when we sin we are doing something that goes against God's will. 

But when have you ever stopped doing something you really wanted just by hearing or reading the words "stop it."

Those words are weak and powerless without authority behind them.  

You can hear "stop it" or even "do this good thing" a million times and even concede that stopping or doing something would be good, but if those words do not come from a place of authority then they will not affect your will to obey. 

God gives us the pattern we need to be able to stop sinning.  This pattern is not in the words "stop it" but rather in the pattern of who we are giving the power to.  The more powerful a person is the more of an impact they will have on us.  For example, if a man with a gun walked into my house and pointed it at my face, I see that he has the power to kill me and I will stop willingly and do whatever he says in order to save my life because he has the power to take it!  So if he says to get on my knees and close my eyes...I will willingly get on my knees and close my eyes!  However, if my brother walked into the house and simply told me to get on my knees and close my eyes I would ask why?  And if his reason was not good enough I would not, because I know that if I don't do what he says there's really no harm (that I can see) to me.  Because to me, he is powerless in the sense that I know he wouldn't take my life if I didn't listen.  But a man with a gun would take my life if I didn't listen so I listen.  

Fear is more powerful than reason. 

The pattern God gives us is the pattern of fear not of reason or understanding.  Those are all handmaidens to the pattern of fear.  Reason and understanding are useful only if they lead us to practice a right pattern of fearing of God.  This patterning of fear is crucial in cultivating our right approach to God.  It is not because of sin that we cannot approach God since Christ died to take that away (and in the Old Testament God had Christ in mind when He directed the people to offer the life and blood of animals as a representative of what only Christ could and would fully do), but it is because of the one we give the most power to, the one we fear most will have the most power over our wills.  In the garden, Eve had received a command from God, the figure of authority in her life, but then the serpent came along and made her question God's power by telling her that if she disobeyed what He said she wouldn't really die.  The serpent was trying to convince Eve that there was nothing to fear in what God said.  Removing the fear removes the power and a powerless God cannot protect.  The moment Eve stopped fearing God was the moment She willingly stepped out from under a his protection and the devil made his move.  Her actions not only killed her but killed her other half, Adam, too.  Because sin is never isolated, it is a poison that affects everything and everyone as yeast does in a batch of dough.  It doesn't matter who sinned first, because all it takes is one...and everyone and everything is affected...the entire world was affected by the sin of one.  

God told Moses to tell the people:

"Don’t be afraid, 

for God has come to test you, 

so that you will fear Him 

and will not sin.””

Exodus 20:20

The test will come again

The test of who holds the power to kill you.  Having a fear of God is life giving because He loves you, and the power He wields is for your protection and not to harm you.  However, it is power nonetheless.  The greater power will have the greatest authority over you will.  This means knowing who is more of a threat to your life is important.  Are you obeying the one with more power or the one with less power, because in the end there is only one power who will be God.  The one with the all the power is to be obeyed and feared, not like a brother who walks into the room and tells you to do something but like a man with a gun aiming it at your face.  God is the one with the power to truly kill, yet when we disobey Him it's because we don't fear Him the way we should!  We treat him like some Joe shmo who simply walked into the room handing out flowers and hugs, so if we happen to feel like we are in the mood for his words we will listen, but there's no real fear in that we must listen.  When our fear is displaced our lives are in danger.  

"and do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather fear him who can destroy both soul and body in hell."

Matthew 10:28 

The reason we are called to fear God is because God is powerful and can save us from all harm, but we remove ourselves from His protection when our fear of Him is displaced by a fear of something else: fear of missing out, fear of losing out, fear of running out, fear of not being liked, fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of relationships, fear of getting fat, fear of becoming homeless, fear of being ridiculed, fear of getting old, fear of being seen a certain way, and all those other subtle fears that masquerade as "reasonings".  

We don't need more reasons to obey God.  

We need more fear. 

God has called us to work on our pattern and approach to what we truly fear.  

"Don’t be afraid,"

--> but we are so we need help in the area of fear. 

"for God has come to test you,"

--> God helps us by coming to us and testing us, which is the same as training us so it's like we take multiple exams in order to increase in the knowledge of Him.  We may fail at one, but having failed the first helps us spot our mistakes so that the next exam we might do better.  And from there we take the exam again, and spot another different mistake and are able to gain correction for the next one.   Each exam is bringing us to the truth about who is the one with the most power.  These exams come in the form of fears.  All day long there is a world of fear taking place, and we are learning that each one is an empty threat the more we face them that are not God.  We are standing before our fears with their guns pointed straight at our faces, but they are not God and the only way to know who is more powerful is to wait for those fears to pull the trigger.  Bam.  

And nothing.  

"so that you will fear Him"

--> Once the trigger of our fears is pulled straight at our faces, we can see that they were indeed powerless.  And God will gain the glory for being the truly more powerful one.  So that the next fear that comes around we can stand there a little less anxious than the first time we stood before a fear that was not God and BAM! 

Another fear bites the dust. 

This is the pattern God gave to us through Moses.

-->"and will not sin.”

Jmegrey 

"Tiny Little Stabs"

"Tiny Little Stabs"

Ever seen the face of a friend 

As it changed into something else?

Now no longer what it had been,

Becomes a tiny little stab within.

The subtle move feels like surprise,

Though you knew it could take place

But in a moment, and on their face

It's a tiny little stab within. 

What once was strong and bright as day,

What once took those clouds away, 

Has now drifted and gone astray. 

Leaving a tiny little stab within

Oh to leave and protect yourself!

Why stay if this is how it will be?

These tiny stabs they may not kill,

But why stay to wait and see? 

Another tiny little stab within. 

The pain of change is a bloody mess,

These tiny stabs all over my dress,

One wonders why go through such stress

Until one day you hear them confess,

Apologies and thankfulness 

Eyes filled with tears 

The lost is found, 

Stay because you know they're bound,

The tiny little stab within, 

Are nails on the cross to Him. 

By Jmegrey 

"But He was pierced 

because of our transgressions, 

crushed because of our iniquities; 

punishment for our peace was on Him, and we are healed by His wounds."

-Isaiah 53:5

When the past comes back!

Exodus 13-15

"I will harden Pharaoh’s heart so that he will pursue them. 

Then I will receive glory by means of Pharaoh and all his army, 

and the Egyptians will know 

that I am Yahweh.” 

So the Israelites did this.”

Exodus 14:4

God intentionally used the enemy as the means of revealing something to His people.  

I repeat, God used the enemy as a means of revealing Himself and His power and His glory and His awesomeness to His people.  The Israelites had been oppressed for 430 years!  Oppression means that these Egyptians made them work, work, work to gain and earn their meager comforts, which never lasted very long.  They rarely got a moment to enjoy and rest in life when they were under the oppression by their enemies. Life was not good when they remembered their enemies, yet here they are again!  Their enemies are showing up, and they are probably being reminded of the life they suffered under the oppression of their slave drivers!  Yet it says....God was using the faces of their enemies to show up again because this time....THIS TIME it was different.  

Same enemies, same oppressors, same faces, but this time God was using them as a means of showing His people that the memories they had of them were to be redeemed, renewed, rewired and remade to now fear God.  It was those embedded memories and experiences of oppression and pain that God was wiping out of His people by using them again to show up so that God could prove that they no longer had a power over them! 

I imagined my own struggles and bondages to be in pursuit of me when I walk away from them, how they look so soon to be upon me again, taking me back into bondage, and my heart becomes so hardened and afraid.  I become stricken with fear and doubt because those faces are the faces of what once was killing me.  The faces of my struggles are the faces of my enemies, and in war the enemy is the one trying to kill you.  So it seems very counterintuitive to let it come close!  But God reminds us that in order to show us He is greater He will use the faces of those we once considered an enemy to approach us, but this time it won't be to take us back into bondage.  This time it will be God on our side showing us that what we once feared is no longer to be feared because God is the one using our enemies' faces as friendly rather than fearful.  Just as a Father would show his child there is nothing under the bed by first going under the bed himself and then directing his child to look and do the same so that what once haunted and scared him can be exposed as the empty threat it really is.  God uses our past enemies and struggles to confront us again until we see them for what they truly are: threats in our minds that need to be untangled and renewed so that we fear God alone.  

“But Moses said to the people, 

“Don’t be afraid. 

Stand firm and 

see the Lord’s salvation 

He will provide for you today; 

for the Egyptians you see today, 

you will never see again. 

The Lord will fight for you; 

you must be quiet.”

Exodus 14:13-14

So while they are being chased by their enemies God is saying "be quiet" which sounds like "be still" and pretty much stop trying to figure out what will happen.  The Lord sent these faces of your past oppressors to you for His purposes because He has something He wants to show you, but you have to be quiet.  Don't be afraid.

But being quiet in those moments is never a peaceful thing.  The reason it's not peaceful is because the wiring in my mind is still connected to memories of pain that quickly resurface when I see the faces of my enemies like "Ugliness-Ursula," "Rejection-Raymond" "Loneliness-Larry," "Betty-Boredom," and "Worthlessness-Wilma" those faces remind of me of the pain that each one brought me at some point in time or that have been threats of pain for me that I feared before they ever even happened!  I feared something that either existed in my past or that never even existed except in my own mind about the future. So when those enemies begin their approach from a distance, the last thing I want to do is be quiet and be still... I want to yell at them to go away and run!  

I don't hang on the prior fact that it was my good Father who sent the enemy in the first place!  My good Father is in control! He is training my physical and emotional senses not to be afraid in this life.  

Just as God was doing for His people in the story of Exodus.  My training is one of first, being quiet when I'm being chased so that soon enough I can be doing good when I'm no longer fearing the past or the future of being chased ever again.  There are days I can willingly work for the glory of God and praise Him while I serve because I taste His goodness and His love which enable me to serve from an abundance!  But there are days and moments when I begin to serve from a need or a fear rather than from an overflow of Him.  I burn out, I see the enemies approaching and I freak out, and those are the days when I am called to be still again.  To face the enemy and be still, because this time God sent them to remind my mind, to renew my mind, that what once made me afraid--loneliness, rejection, worthlessness, ugliness, and boredom--is now being used by God as a means of showing me that there is nothing to fear.  He uses that which once gave us so much pain to deliver us from the bondage of those memories.  

We must be still until we know that He is Yahweh, and once that fear is broken we can rejoice and do life with an abundance of Him!  

“But You blew with Your breath, 

and the sea covered them. 

They sank like lead in the mighty waters.”

Exodus 15:10

This passage reminded me of:

"Then the LORD God formed the man out of the dust from the ground and breathed the breath of life into his nostrils, and the man became a living being"

Genesis 2:7

Breath of death and breath of life come from the same God.

He holds the power of both meaning that nothing can harm the ones He loves, not even death.  So that even when my enemies and struggles pursue me, like Pharaoh pursued the Israelites, even when it looks like I've been captured by my struggles and that I'm doomed again, again, and again, I must remember that God holds the power of whether or not I am doomed because doomed means death.  And so perhaps it is in those moments of feeling completely hopeless that God is showing me to be quiet and to stop despairing for no reason!  I am His and because I am His, I cannot be overcome.  So be still and know this truth.  Be still in the face of your enemies.  They are empty threats. 

So honestly, the question deep within is, "God am I truly Yours?"  

And I hear a soft tender whisper:

"Yes Jamie, you are Mine." 

Everytime I hear that soft whisper. 

I cannot despair when His voice reminds me of who I am.  And then the peace that surpasses all understanding washes over me, because though the faces of my enemy are upon me once more, approaching me closer and closer, I hold on to the prior truth of the matter: that God is using them as a means of assurance for me.  To be more sure of Him and who I am. 

I need only to stand firm (basically just stay put) and be quiet.  

"Don’t be afraid. 

Stand firm and 

see the Lord’s salvation 

He will provide for you today; 

for the Egyptians you see today, 

you will never see again. 

The Lord will fight for you; 

you must be quiet.”

Exodus 14:13-14

The Lord fights for me everyday, and He uses the empty threats of my enemies to tear down the strongholds of fear in me until they are completely obliterated.  

If the faces of your past enemies are in your rear-view mirror today, consider the Word of the Lord and stand firm...know that your mind is in need of being renewed, be quiet and stand firm.  

The Lord fights our battles for us everytime.  We just keep winning. 

Jmegrey

Prayer for the students in my care

Lord,

What are we to do with the children? 

Today I felt Your heart toward me, your good heart, as I heard about one of my students willingly walk into the trap of sin...a seemingly small and innocent one, but I know that no sin is small because every sin is attached to a great one...all it needs is the subtle small sin to make a small incision for the greater ones to get through in time.  Sigh.  It's heartbreaking because I know how ineffective telling them to stop is, and I can only hope and pray and love them through the pain they will go through because of these decisions.  It's heartbreaking!  

But in that moment I heard You speak to me as well, as Your own child.  All those times and minutes throughout my day when I know what is good and right in Your eyes, yet I lean more on my desires and my ways because I'm impulsive and I don't know what I'm doing.  I just know what I want or what I don't want, even when I hear You speak ...I don't always listen.  How heartbroken it must be for you to see me, Your child, as I allow sin to destroy me and make my life miserable thinking it's something I want!  I see these students of mine, and I watch them make these same choices even when I direct them toward life and fullness of joy, yet they must make their own decisions, and it breaks my heart to know what they are doing and to not be able to stop them....is that why You sent Your Son? 

You knew about me? 

You saw me and I wouldn't listen...instead I kept choosing the sin that enticed me yet that very same sin was waiting to bring me down to my destruction.  It hid behind impulse and desire, and I fell for the bait because I chose it over Your Word.  You saw me and it broke Your heart.  Although I can do nothing much to ensure that my students be secured and safe from those miseries hidden behind those seemingly small sins, I pray that You protect them.  Although I'm powerless You did save us.  You gave up Your Son's life to give us life because all we choose are the sins that entice us but are coated in deep misery.  

So as they fall into these sins, Lord, and as the misery begins to poison their hearts, remember Your Son's blood and use even their bad choices and the misery that follows due to those choices to somehow help them see You so that they would turn from their sins and live for You.  Lord, You've been so faithful to me even after all the misery I brought on myself from following my desires and impulses over Your Word, and You brought me here...You changed my heart, so I know that even though the students may not always listen, You are good.  You have Your way, but still I pray that You would quickly bring them closer to You so that they would have a better life sooner.  

You reminded me today of Your goodness and Your intentions for me when You tell me something and I don't want to listen.  You helped me feel Your heart toward me as my heart was feeling for my students and I remembered that You speak to bring me life and not destruction.  Lord, we are Your children and we make mistakes!  Thank You for the cross.  You embraced me through the pain and misery of the consequences for my disobedience, so lead me to do the same for my students.  

Jmegrey 

How close is God?

Hey Father,

What is going on in Your heart now?  Unconditional love?  Wrath?  What are Your plans?  Where do I belong in those plans? 

I want to be close to You, yet I pull away from You.  I want to know You, yet I ignore You.  I want to sit at Your feet, yet I wander from Your presence restlessly.  I want to love you, yet I reject You.  I want to change into Your image, yet I turn into dust right away.

Take me deeper Lord.

Your daughter,

Jamie 

Who I am today is who I will be for all of eternity, so today I need to know who I am if I am going to live eternally. 

Perhaps we are living a lie about our identity, thinking we need something or someone more than who has given Himself to us.  Do we need more than God Himself?

It can sure feel that way when I open Instagram, Facebook or snapchat.  It feels that way when I'm single, and it feels that way when I'm with someone.  It feels that way when I'm alone at night, and it feels that way when something bad happens between a friend and me.  I need something in those moments, and although I know that I have God, He is not enough.  

I need something real.

I need someone real.

So internally, either God is not enough or I have been holding to a fake god rather than the real God.  If it is the former than there is no hope, because what is more than God if He is and has everything?  So it is the latter:  it is being with a fake god that causes us to get bored, needy, and discontent.  

“Lord, hear my prayer; 

let my cry for help come before You. 

Do not hide Your face from me 

in my day of trouble. 

Listen closely to me; 

answer me quickly when I call. 

For my days vanish like smoke, 

and my bones burn like a furnace.

He will pay attention to the prayer of the destitute and will not despise their prayer.

Long ago You established the earth, 

and the heavens are the work of Your hands. They will perish, but You will endure; 

all of them will wear out like clothing. 

You will change them like a garment, 

and they will pass away. 

But You are the same, 

and Your years will never end. 

Your servants’ children will dwell securely, 

and their offspring will be established before You.”

Psalms 102:1-3, 17, 25-28

So Father speak to me clearly and open my ears so that I can hear and respond to You.  

What do You say today that I may respond to?  Speak Father, and have grace on my hardened heart by softening it so that I hear You. 

----

And then I wait.  And I try my best to listen for God in the still small voice within.  And all of sudden I feel the urge to cry.  It's strange how quickly it happens, it's as if I've lifted the lid off of my heart and water starts to trickle out.  

Water has been on my mind a lot lately.  Every time I turn off the shower a little bit of water continues to fall from the shower head and I like to put my hands under it and watch the water flow over my hands.  I become mesmerized by the clearness of the water over my peach hands.  It reminds me that I'm clean and that I'm covered in something yet it does not cover me as a blanket because it's transparent.  I'm transparently covered.  It's very soothing to see, but most of all it's been catching my attention a lot lately after almost every shower.  

Water reminds me of God's presence.  It's a transparent covering that exposes me yet cleans me at the same time.  Being with God is to be with His transparent nature, and my peach hands and red heart are covered by Him, yet not covered in the sense that I am hidden.  I am exposed while covered. 

Amanda Cook from Bethel is a worship leader who wrote a song called "The Voyage" which has also made an impact in my thought life lately. 

The song goes:

-----

What if the path you choose becomes a road...

The ground you take becomes a home...

The wind is high, but the pressure's off

I'll send the rain wherever we end up

Wherever we end up

Set your sights, 

sailing far beyond familiar

In the rising tide, 

you'll find the rhythm of your heart

And lift your head, 

now the wind and waves don't matter

What if the path you choose becomes a road

The ground you take becomes a home

The wind is high, but the pressure's off

I'll send the rain wherever we end up

Wherever we end up

I am the wind in your sails

I am the wind in your sails

I am the wind in your sails

-----

At first I remember thinking "what does she mean by "I'll send the rain wherever we end up?"  And I shared the song with a friend of mine (Liz) who said the same thing, albeit admitting to the song being really epic because it's got a grand kind of sound.  

Now, I don't know if Amanda Cook meant for her song to mean what I've now found it to mean for me, but God used this song to speak to me about the things He has been showing me on a day to day basis like my moments in the shower.  

"I'll send the rain wherever we end up" translated into "Jamie, wherever you go my Presence is not only with you, but covering you as water covers your peach hands after a shower."  In other words, all the choices I make, the paths I choose, the roads that become my life...they will no doubt have waves and winds, but no matter what decision I make God reminds me that He will be with me, covering me in the refuge and safety of Himself.  This makes the pressure vanish because now I sense the adventure before me under His protection.  The truth of knowing I can choose to live a big life without the pressures of fearing the consequences, and I don't mean living a stupid life.  I mean, taking those big risks like when you lay yourself down to give someone time and your energy without fear of losing out or missing out in your own life.  Taking risks of giving more than you feel is safe without fear of being unprovided for or uncomfortable.  Taking risks of obedience and enduring without fear of pain or suffering.  Because everything I just mentioned describes the life of a hero and true friend.  The point is that when we watch movies like Lord of the Rings or Captain America, we admire and are in awe of such great characters.  Yet, we know that when we come back to reality, exiting the theater, that was a great show, but that's not me.  Why?  Because we don't have that kind of character or life, the kind that lays aside oneself for the benefit of another.  We might see that we just don't have that kind of money or those opportunities to be like that, but more than money or opportunities it is the character of the hero that makes him a hero, not his strength or his money or even his opportunities.  It is his character. 

God is shaping us to be like His Son Jesus, the hero of the world.  The life He desires to give us is that which is big and adventurous because it is the life of a hero, the life of one who lays down their life in order to take up another kind.  

However, this isn't by our decision making or our abilities, but it is in knowing that He Himself is with us wherever we go.  There is no fear or pressure to make good decisions or to earn His promises.  The way and the truth to this life is a person, a noun: Jesus.  In other words, having a relationship with Jesus and going deeper and deeper into that relationship is our means of living.  

What if the path you choose becomes a road?

The ground you take becomes a home?

The wind is high, but the pressure's off,

I'll send the rain wherever we end up.

Wherever we end up.

If you knew you could choose the life of a hero and not fear losing or missing out on the desires you have now, would you take it?  

The path you choose is the one where God will be with you. 

The ground you take today will become a home for you. 

You are free to choose the life you know will be heroic and full of great relationships, love, adventure and awesomeness!  But the real question is are you truly free in this matter?  Or have the winds and waves brought to wake Jesus up and ask Him if He cares about what's happening to you?  

The winds will rise and things will get stormy, but the pressures off, there is no fear....because God sends the rain, His presence covers you. 

You are getting to where He is taking you, to the other side, and no storm or winds will be able to stop the God who is taking you there.  Choose to take refuge in Him for every decision you make, because when you entrust your life's choices to God's protection, He will be the one defending and protecting you throughout its course. 

Just as in Mark 4:35-42, when Jesus's disciples fearfully woke Jesus from His nap when a storm was upon them, Jesus was like "why are you afraid?"  In other words, you are fearful about nothing.  I'm here, I'm with you, so why are you afraid?  Know the One who is with you in the storm and you could take a nap through it too instead of getting all worried and anxious.  :) 

“On that day, when evening had come, He told them, “Let’s cross over to the other side of the sea.” So they left the crowd and took Him along since He was already in the boat. And other boats were with Him. 

A fierce windstorm arose, 

and the waves were breaking over the boat, 

so that the boat was already being swamped. 

But He was in the stern, 

sleeping on the cushion. 

So they woke Him up and said to Him, “Teacher! Don’t You care that we’re going to die? ” 

He got up, rebuked the wind, and said to the sea, “Silence! Be still! ” 

The wind ceased, and there was a great calm. 

Then He said to them, 

“Why are you fearful? 

Do you still have no faith? ” 

And they were terrified and asked one another, “Who then is this? 

Even the wind and the sea obey Him! ””

Mark 4:35-41

They asked "who then is this?"  We don't know this guy very well.  If we knew Him we would not have feared the storm. 

Wherever you go and whatever you do today, do so knowing that God's presence covers you like water when it rains.  How do we do this?  By knowing the one who dwells in the stern of your heart.  I feel a strong call to sit at His feet today and get to know Him by talking to Him in prayer and listening to His response and then responding back. 

Conversations with God.

Lord, hear my prayer and speak.  What is going on in my heart and in the restlessness I feel?  Why do I get bored or anxious when I have the world before me and You are always with me?  Help me remember that I am called to a bigger life than I could ever have imagined, and that I need to know You more deeply and intimately in order to be able to continue taking risks and resting through the storms.  We are getting to the other side together and that is final so let's add as much adventure to journey as possible!  

Take my life and give me Yours, 

Jmegrey