2016 Identity in Christ (stepping in)

A year to renew my mind and learn to remain in the vine that is Jesus.

I've had 28 years of discovering who I am in the context of my identity with God and it has been tumultuous, to say the least.  Seeing my knowledge paired with my actions was hopelessly disappointing, but through that I have learned the beauty and saving life of grace.  I have struggled to understand myself, my reasons, motivations, and desires mixed in with guilt and shame from how each discovery was tainted by my own corruption of holiness, but again it was grace that gave me the ability to continue moving when I felt as if death was more suiting to my disposition.  

It's a new year, and like most folks I feel like it's something like a new start for something better.  Starting back at the beginning, but not really from the very beginning, but still a beginning in the sense that one cycle (year) has completed and a new one is about to start.  Life seems to happen in these cycles since we celebrate birthdays by each year, and since we know how to calculate time and death by the passing years as well.  Years passed are an indication that we are growing up toward maturity and growing old toward eternity.  

It is in the days that I have found to hold the most difficulty.  Someone once said, "the days are long, but the years are short."  It is the day of every day that we have to make those minute decisions of where to go, what to do, what to eat, and what to see or speak.  These seemingly small choices are actually what make us who we are, they give us our identity, and that, to me, is a bit disheartening and frightening because most of my small decisions are made by my feeling or steered by and towards my physical and mental comfort.  I decide by striving for peace, happiness, and safety.  

I want good things, but sometimes being comfortable or feeling "safe" is not actually what's giving me a life-giving identity, meaning a mature identity prepared for eternity.  Sometimes I want to feel safe or comfortable because I'm scared for this life alone and it has little to do with maturing or eternity.  But other times, I want to feel safe or comfortable because I am clueless as to what might be better in this life or in eternity.  And still, other times I want to feel safe or comfortable because I'm feeling so unsafe or so uncomfortable in this life and about eternity.  Perhaps it is a mixture of all three as well.

I need guidance, real counsel and convictional help from someone who knows me and can speak to me with the kind of words that have the ability to convince me and move past my barriers of defense.  I need a lover whom I can trust to have my best in mind and who will forgive me when I start to get fearful and run away.  I need someone who is strong enough to stay with me, wise enough to persuade me, gentle enough to wait for me, and God-enough to save me.  No human person could do for me what I need most, to create in me a new heart and offer me eternal life to go with that new heart.  

This past year, and especially the recent past months, I have been struck down but not destroyed.  I made it out of 2015 alive...and for that I have a reason to sing.  I should have been dead many times, but God saved me, protected me, nourished me back to health, and has brought me into 2016 with the promises He kept all throughout 2015.  

Now, I have a moment to reflect back on what God has done for me as well as look at what God will continue to do for me this year.  

  

First of all, God has been giving me an identity in His Son.  I have been learning the clarity of being "in Christ" and "remaining."  Before any steps of action and before being able to actually feel confident that I could do what I knew I was called to, God began laying down the specifics of what it was I was about to do.  However, more than showing me the blueprint or the plan for how to do it He showed me why I would want to do it.  He convinced me, not coerced me, into following His will.  I had my will and He had His, and instead of obliterating my will He befriended it and made me freely willing to submit to His will.  Despite many misunderstandings on my part God was patient with me to understand His words and to soften my heart to His voice and leading.  The more clear His voice became the more I began to find an identity unlike the ones I thought I had before, an identity much stronger and much more alive than who I was slowly shedding from my mind.  

“Jesus knew that the Father had given everything into His hands, that He had come from God, and that He was going back to God.”

John 13:3

My identity of being a child of God is still a work in progress.  But I know this much, that once the truth of being a child really hits you then you become more and more sure of where you are going in this life.  The reason I feel confident about working at my dad's church or free about buying stuff at Costco with my mom's credit card is because I'm their child.  Not that I don't fear messing up, but it's that I feel sure and assured that I can mess up with less punishment because I know that at the end of the day they will most likely forgive me and love me.  If my parents, who are human and very much sinners just like myself, can love me like that then how much more safe and secure should I feel knowing that God is my true Father!  My true Maker and parent.  So having my identity be a child of God has made me more and more sure that I am free to mess up yet in that freedom I have felt more and more safe and secure which has made me less anxious and insecure to be messing up in the first place!  

“So He got up from supper, laid aside His robe, took a towel, and tied it around Himself.”

John 13:4

The more I began understanding my identity as a child of God the more I realized I had it in me to think about and serve others.  Having myself become aware that I am fully cared for more and more by my heavenly, all-powerful Father made me free to let go of trying to defend myself in many situations and to find it a joy to do something out of love rather than fear.  When we do things out of fear, things like trying to secure our futures out of fear of missing or losing out or trying to protect ourselves from harm, it's ....not living, it's slowly dying.  Because when we live in fear we have Death nearby to make sure that everything is threatened to be gone one day.  Opportunities, blessings, relationships, beauty, money, reputation, all of that is tainted by death when we strive for those things with fear in our hearts.  However, when those things become free from fear because we know that God is our Father and we are His beloved children whom He cares for, then those things turn into life rather than commodities or something on our checklist.  We actually live in opportunities, live in blessings, live in relationships, live in beauty, live in money, live in reputation and every good thing becomes what they were always meant to be: good things.  Instead of making them things that bring us envy, guilt, or anger, they bring us joy, peace, and all the fruits of the spirit.  It looks like a subtle difference, but in actuality, it's completely different when you have those things with an identity in Christ, being God's child, than when you consider having or actually have those things from an identity that fears losing or never having those things.  When Christ pinpointed that He knew where He came from and where He was going, and this for certain, His identity as God's son is what made His next action all the more fitting.  He had no need for anything, no fear of death, and no threat of losing His identity since it came from God, and therefore He could overflow a generosity of Himself to His disciples.  He let go of the world's ideas of what it meant to be someone, whether a master or teacher, and showed us what it meant to be a Son or child of God.  Being a child of God was a greater and more supreme identity than being a master or teacher.  All the other identities were under the highest identity of belonging to the Father.  Jesus proved this by breaking every concept of the world's perceived high ranking identities such as "master" or "teacher" or even "lord."  He got down on his hands and feet and washed their feet to show that it was not about the action but about the conviction, the inward knowledge of knowing who you are and where you are going with so much certainty that you do what looks threatening to all other identities.  

“I give you a new command: Love one another. Just as I have loved you, you must also love one another. By this all people will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.”

John 13:34-35

Just in case we likely find ourselves washing a bunch of feet (serving) from an identity tainted by fear (having a checklist for fear of missing the mark as a complete spiritual or "holy" person) Jesus poignantly brings the point home by saying that He commands us to do the one thing we cannot do without Him and without an identity as a child of God: to love.  Anyone can wash someone's feet with all the right external motions, but only a person who knows how much Jesus and their Heavenly Father loves them can do so with the inward affection of love toward the person whose feet they are touching.  Two people can be washing the feet of others, and only God--who searches our hearts-- will be able to tell which is doing so from their identity as a child of His and which is doing it from an identity of trying to look like a child of His.  The former has a freedom to love while the latter is concerned with a fear of who they might be if they don't do go through the motions.  I try and repent of not loving others more and more, because I then catch more grace in each of my actions as having been God's actions through my unloving body...filling me with love after the action has been completed.  

“Your heart must not be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in Me. In My Father’s house are many dwelling places; if not, I would have told you. I am going away to prepare a place for you. If I go away and prepare a place for you, I will come back and receive you to Myself, so that where I am you may be also. You know the way to where I am going.”

John 14:1-4

““Lord,” Thomas said, “we don’t know where You’re going. How can we know the way? ” Jesus told him, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me.”

John 14:5-6

I've lost my way in life many days, many years, and with much fear.  Making decisions from insecurity rather than from my true identity.  But each time I had but one thing to return to and that was Jesus.  When I was stuck in between a rocky place or an abandoned area, Jesus lead me in the right way from there.  When I was confused and could not discern between what was right and what was wrong, Jesus was the truth.  When my life hit moments of the stench of death Jesus was the aroma and substance of life.  He is the way, the truth and the life when I get lost, confused, and afraid. 

“He is the Spirit of truth. The world is unable to receive Him because it doesn’t see Him or know Him. But you do know Him, because He remains with you and will be in you.”

John 14:17

Truth is one of those things you can't see like love or anger.  You might see manifestations of it in a couple kissing (love) or someone flipping the bird to you on the freeway (anger), but those actions could also be done without either love or anger.  Truth is also something that is invisible.  It may appear to be manifesting in someone's confession or on a scantron test, but if we are talking about the kind of truth that reflects an honest person, a transparent person, then that is something no one can see with their physical eyes.  Therefore the Spirit being a spirit of truth is not visible but inward.  When we pray and ask God to speak it is listening to the inner voice of truth which we must feel okay surrendering our hearts to.  The inner voice of truth, or the Spirit of God who searches our hearts (Psalm 139), already knows every single dirty black thought all the way down to the core of our being from birth to now.  That's both cringe-worthy and loving at the same time.  That God, who knows us through and through, desires to walk with us into our darkest moments and heal them with the light of His saving grace and truth.  As we open our minds and hearts to the inner voice of truth, exploring the darkness with the light, God proves His Word to be true: that He did send His Son to die for our sins, and this He proves by revealing their powerlessness to us in the openness of our hearts to Him.  I've yet to encounter a sin that was too "bad" to be done away with by the power of Christ's blood.  

“In that day you will know that I am in My Father, you are in Me, and I am in you.”

John 14:20

This is like double inception.  Jesus is in the Father, and we are in Jesus, and Jesus is also in us even though we are in Him.  Haha.  Basically, we are all so intimately connected to one another by His Spirit in us that it is both right to say that we are in Christ (protected and kept) as well as Christ in us (being guided and taught).  The Spirit proceeds from the Son and speaks not on His own but what He hears.  Therefore we are both in Christ because we have His way and truth and life in us by the Spirit given to us and Christ is in us by His indwelling Spirit given to dwell in our hearts.  

Christ is all around us, in us, and as such we are also near to our Father.  When we see, hear, and believe Jesus we are closer and closer to the Father whom we derive our identities from.  When our identity is in that place of drawing nearer and nearer to God we are maturing into eternity.  In other words, the kingdom of God, which is eternal, comes to life in us even as we are still on the earth as temporary physical beings.  We carry treasures of eternal value in jars of clay, and one day when Jesus returns to gather all of us to Himself we will shed our clay molds and reveal the eternal treasures within.  But until then we have the Spirit of truth to remind us and reveal to us our identity in clearer and clearer ways, whether by giving us feelings of peace or by proving our feelings of fear wrong through endurance and hardship.  According to James the latter instance is effective for bringing about the most certainly and clarity, and it makes sense that it would.  It's hard though.  But I suppose I will never know why some choose Jesus and some do not.  I choose to believe in Jesus even though it's hard because it's also really good after all the suffering takes place.  In fact, it's good because the suffering takes place, and without suffering I would not fully appreciate and cherish the good that comes from it.  To know the value of something is in large part to know the payment made, and when I choose to believe in Jesus I choose the highest life at the highest cost, which was His life given up on the cross.  The moments I find this choice to be hard is only bits and pieces compared to what Jesus did for me.  

“Every branch in Me that does not produce fruit He removes, and He prunes every branch that produces fruit so that it will produce more fruit.”

John 15:2

For rational reasons it helps to be reminded that we are going to get cut in life either way.  Either we will be cut off from the Vine (which is our identity being attached and remaining in Christ) or we will be cut on by the pruning shears of God.  But either way we get cut.  Haha.  So there's painful cuts with or without God, and if that's the case it only makes it that much more apparent that to be cut while remaining on the vine is much better than to be cut off the Vine and left alone. 

“Remain in Me, and I in you. Just as a branch is unable to produce fruit by itself unless it remains on the vine, so neither can you unless you remain in Me. “I am the vine; you are the branches. The one who remains in Me and I in him produces much fruit, because you can do nothing without Me.

If you remain in Me and My words remain in you, ask whatever you want and it will be done for you. My Father is glorified by this: that you produce much fruit and prove to be My disciples.”

John 15:4-5, 7-8

I love how Jesus explains the whole idea of remaining in Him more clearly in the second part of the passage when He repeats that we are to remain in Him.  He says "and My words remain in you."  So a part of what it means for Christ to remain in us and we in Him is to know His Words.  It makes reading the bible less about checking off our list of holy things to do into something we read for survival and remaining in Him.  When we think about what it looks like today to remain in Him, it would be something along the lines of reading our bible and soaking in His words until they are like seeds embedded in our hearts and growing larger by the moment.  Some days I read His words and they just bounce right off of my ears and onto the floor into a seemingly useless pile, but other days they really stick and grow into new courageously driven fruits that encourage my feeble heart to consistently keep going and not lose hope.  Even though the times where a his Words fall limp in my mind are very discouraging, God uses those moments to bring me deeper faith by seeking Him even more through the dryness.  Those moments are a time of pruning, and I watch as God is cutting something off of me before I can begin to bear fruit again.  

“As the Father has loved Me, I have also loved you. Remain in My love. If you keep My commands you will remain in My love, just as I have kept My Father’s commands and remain in His love.”

John 15:9-10

This is the sweet but difficult part of His words.  Not only is reading His words (the Bible) a way to remain in Him and He in us, but it also means we are remaining in Him when we remain fully convinced that He loves us.  This is crucial because most of us might think we believe that God loves us while still having fear in our hearts that He might not because of something we've done or didn't do.  To remain in His love is to feel safe and secure despite the presence of painful circumstances.  It does not mean that we feel no pain or no hardships, but when we remain in His love we entrust that even through this awful moment God is making a way for us to end up happy and all good.  By remaining in His love we are remaining fully loved, and when we are loved by God we have everything we need both now and in the future.

“You did not choose Me, but I chose you. I appointed you that you should go out and produce fruit and that your fruit should remain, so that whatever you ask the Father in My name, He will give you. This is what I command you: Love one another.”

John 15:16-17

Again there's the reminder that we can check out hearts by the amount of love we have for one another.  That is how we best know we are fully loved by God, in seeing and being aware of how much we are able to love the persons set before us in a day. 

“Remember the word I spoke to you: ‘A slave is not greater than his master.’ If they persecuted Me, they will also persecute you. If they kept My word, they will also keep yours.

“When the Counselor comes, the One I will send to you from the Father — the Spirit of truth who proceeds from the Father — He will testify about Me.”

John 15:20, 26

This is the truth that Jesus was sent to give us.  If what the Word says makes sense it is because the spirit of truth is in you testifying about Jesus to you.  It means your identity is in Christ and you belong to God as His child. 

“They will do these things because they haven’t known the Father or Me. But I have told you these things so that when their time comes you may remember I told them to you. I didn’t tell you these things from the beginning, because I was with you.”

John 16:3-4

There will come many a times where we will need God's Spirit to remind us of the truth we have received because we will most need to be reminded in the face of visible bad circumstances.  When the restlessness, anxiety and fear take place they are indications for us that we are in need of being reminded by the Spirit of who we are.  Those are the moments we are called to deeply seek the counsel of the Spirit.

“When the Spirit of truth comes, He will guide you into all the truth. For He will not speak on His own, but He will speak whatever He hears. He will also declare to you what is to come. He will glorify Me, because He will take from what is Mine and declare it to you.”

John 16:13-14

Being guided is to be quiet and follow.  When the Spirit guides us it is often that we are called to quietly remain followers of His voice rather than of feelings unless the Spirit is using our feelings to guide us, but we will know when it is the voice of our Shepherd or the voice of a stranger.  This is best revealed by the other two criteria that Jesus gave, being His word and His love.  When both of those are still in place then being guided by the Spirit with or without feelings will also be made known.  When neither are present then it would be wise to wait. 

“I assure you: You will weep and wail, but the world will rejoice. You will become sorrowful, but your sorrow will turn to joy.

So you also have sorrow now. But I will see you again. Your hearts will rejoice, and no one will rob you of your joy.”

John 16:20, 22

Joy awaits us as we journey through each season of bearing fruit or of waiting for the Spirit's leading.  

“In that day you will ask in My name. I am not telling you that I will make requests to the Father on your behalf. For the Father Himself loves you, because you have loved Me and have believed that I came from God.”

John 16:26-27

The Father loves us. Jesus is not saying that He will intercede on our behalf to the Father for our assurance as if the Father hated us but only loves us because His Son sort of camouflages us.  Jesus shows us that it was the Father's love that was what placed us in Christ from before we were even in Him!  Meaning the Father loves us in His own way that does not depend on Christ covering us in His blood and sacrifice.  I mean, that brings a whole new meaning to His love of you really take the time to think about that.  

“I have told you these things so that in Me you may have peace. You will have suffering in this world. Be courageous! I have conquered the world.”

John 16:33

And finally, here are the words spoken and written in our books before us so that when our peace is frail or absent we might draw upon the source of peace anew.  We are going to suffer, but we have been given the end result of our suffering which is our place by the Father's side.  This truth of our victory and our end in life must be fired up in our hearts if we are to remain courageous through the suffering in life.  It has to be worth it to endure otherwise we won't last very long.  I pray each day for God to become bigger and stronger and more beautiful to me everyday so that when the suffering circumstances surround me I can rely on my view of Christ to sustain me to the end.  Without a proper view of Christ we will not have adequate means of surviving the times we suffer in the flesh.  

May Christ be revealed to you today in a way that captivates you, and if that is your prayer I hope you will be that revelation of Christ to someone else so that in faith the same will be done for you.  

We serve one another because the Master dwells in our hearts. 

Jmegrey

Give me faith

Flat on my face the feeling is stale

No trace of joy, my cheeks are pale.

Been down this place a million times,

Turning and hiding and running around

Anything to keep everything in numb lines 

Deaf to my voice or silently He stays

No sign or miracle streamlining my way.

The abyss the dark the chaotic frenzy 

Waiting, waiting, wondering if He sees me. 

Give me what I need, 

But help me want it too.

But if it must be uncomfortable 

Lend me faith to pull me through. 

  

All the pressures and threats 

Are loud and terrifying,

In the silence let Your light be magnifying. 

Search me, and know me, Lord be in my core.

Where darkest fear and cruel words abound even more. 

Sit with me in the valley of death,

Calm me and lead me by Your very breath. 

Though the way is long and I see no end,

Give me faith that cleaves to You at every bend. 

Jmegrey 

Hebrews 2: Suffering death

I am compelled to write this because I am in need of being reminded of what I know to be true and to weed out where any lies may have infiltrated my mind via my heart.  

“We must, therefore, pay even more attention to what we have heard, so that we will not drift away.”

Hebrews 2:1

When I am not paying attention to what God's voice is saying or that His presence is with me, then it doesn't mean I'm not paying attention to anything.  It means I'm paying attention to something or someone else other than God.  Don't be fooled into thinking you are doing such a tedious thing as to "pay attention" when it is actually something we are all constantly doing.  You paying attention means that you are focusing on something, that could be food, social media, homework, money, work, or sex.  You are always thinking about something.  Thinking about something means you are giving attention to something...you are paying something your attention as if paying a cashier money for an item, you pay something with the payment of your focus with your thoughts.  It's funny that the word used is payment.  Our payment, which is something we give to someone or something is in the form of our thoughts rather than dollars.  We are paying attention, just like we would dollars, and getting something back in return.  So who or what are you paying the most thoughts to?  You will know because it will be the one ruling your mind, and if it rules your mind it rules you. 

Giving payment back to God, payment of focus and thoughts, is to receive Him as the one who rules our minds and is King of our whole life.  We must continue, as Hebrews 2 says, to "pay even more attention (pay more thoughts to God and the Word, Jesus, who spoke to us directly as one of us) to what we have heard, so that we will not drift away."  In other words, when we stop paying God we start paying someone or something else, and that becomes our ruler as we drift away from God.  Payment is being made today.  Who are you paying your attention to?  That will be the ruler of your mind. 

---

“For He has not subjected to angels the world to come that we are talking about. But one has somewhere testified: What is man that You remember him, or the son of man that You care for him? You made him lower than the angels for a short time; You crowned him with glory and honor and subjected everything under his feet. For in subjecting everything to him, He left nothing that is not subject to him. As it is, we do not yet see everything subjected to him.”

Hebrews 2:5-8

Who is he talking about in this passage?  It sounds like it's Jesus because it says he was crowned with glory and honor, but it's not just about Jesus. 

He is talking about you and me.  We are "man" that God created in the beginning.  We are the ones made in His image and given the mandate or the responsibility to cultivate God's creation.  God's world.  Now when sin came, God had it already in mind to prepare a new world for those who would resist sin and follow God, and this new world is what we refer to as "Heaven" or in Revelations as the "new Jerusalem." (Rev. 21:2)

Here's how I broke it down to show that this is about you and me...it says:

“and subjected everything under his feet. 

For in subjecting everything to him, 

He left nothing that is not subject to him."

This is what God wrote about man in Genesis 1:26 and in Psalm 8.  Everything was put under man's feet.  So that it was man's responsibility to rule and cultivate and care for God's creation.  All the animals and plants are under our rule.  Not that they are obedient to us, but that we are made to care and govern over them as humans because God equipped us to.  

"As it is, 

we do not yet see everything subjected to him."

This shows that even though that is how God created the order of the world to be, because of sin entering into the world, it is not what we see happening.  People neglect plants and animals in favor for their comfort or self-glory.  There are numerous places in the world that suffer poverty and malnourishment because humans neglect to care for the lands around them, but rather they care for their own immediate gratifications.  It's not so much about governing and cultivating God's creation as it is about securing one's own livelihood.  Things, as we see them today, are not the way they're supposed to be according to God's initial Word in the beginning.  However, even though we see that not all things are subject to us right now in life, because of the corruption of sin...

"But we do see Jesus —"

We don't see everything subject to man in God's creation at present, but we have seen Jesus in history who came into the world as a man just like you and me.  So what does that have to do with us?  Why is it that the writer of Hebrews talks about a world in which God has made for people and not Angels?  And then says that it's supposed to look like this, where everything is subjected to man, but in actuality we see that it does not look the way it is supposed to be...but that we can look at Jesus?    Well, Jesus is the way it is supposed to be.  

"But we do see Jesus — (He came in flesh and blood as a baby and grew up to be an adult just like us...He came as a human) 

made lower than the angels for a short time (just like us, we are lower than Angels right now because they are spiritual beings which is eternal and we are made of flesh which is temporary) 

so that by God’s grace 

He might taste death for everyone — (Jesus was a recipient of God's grace, just like us, and he died just like we will all one day die.  His death was different from all the others because while He was made into a man like us He remained to be the Word of God, so His death was not only the death of a man but the resurrection of the Word.  He might taste death for everyone: he might die as a human so that he knows what it feels like and looks like to die, but having done it himself He shows us that it is finished.  Death is no longer a threat to man, because God became man and conquered death as a man who faced it--by dying.  He showed us that it is possible for man to now live without the fear of death, because of God.  God has saved us through His Son Jesus.  Not only by His death as the means, but also by His example, His way of life as a man, and his resurrection life and place next to God as the means to our end.  We follow Christ into the way, the truth and the Life.  

"crowned with glory and honor 

because of His suffering in death."

We acknowledge that Christ is alive and seated next to God, crowned with glory and honor because He is sitting next to God!  If you're anywhere near God you must be crowned with glory and honor for such a position.  We all say we believe that Jesus is Lord, meaning that He is crowned with glory and honor.  But we often leave out the second part that says: "because of His suffering in death."  Death might be powerless now in terms of keeping us down and doomed, but it does not mean it can't still produce feelings and sensations of suffering both mentally and bodily in us.  Yet Christ was crowned with glory and honor--seated in the presence of God--because He suffered in death.  The reason He got to where He is now is because He defeated Death by suffering it.  By going through it.  By not fearing its power.  

And we draw near to God in just the same way.  

It is through our suffering that feels death's approach or threat (getting old, losing fleshly value, pain, loss of memory or strength, loss of life itself) that we gain our life in the presence of God for eternity, crowned in glory and honor just as we profess to believe for Jesus.  Jesus is our way, our truth about who we are and who God is, and our life eternal not our life in the temporary.  

If Jesus suffered in death to bring glory to God, then our suffering in moments where Death is imminent also is our action of giving glory to God!  How passive it might always feel!  To never actively give God glory in the way we think it means to give God glory, just as it feels quite passive in acknowledging our ruler being the one we give payment of our thoughts to!  It is so subtle yet it is so true.  Nobody means to be governed by their thoughts of lust or beauty, but it is exactly what happens when a person is always concerned about having affection or sex or a younger more perfect looking image.  Such a person can be spotted as obviously as a tiger among fish.  

You are what you think about--

even if you don't think so.  

Yet Christ is not only the way to life but He also showed us the way by becoming one of us, entering our story, and making it His-story.  We are people of experience and we love to read stories about how things happen for people.  We understand life through stories.  Showing us  by His-story that life was in dying, not in suicide but in the facing of death, because death approaches all of us.  We are all getting older, weaker, and coming to an end in the flesh.  For some that might look and feel sooner than it does for others (for example I feel like I am going to just die if I never get certain things in life like the perfect job or a family of my own or some kind of purpose for my existence, but that is all the threat of everything soon reaching an end revealing that it will all be over soon and I will no longer have that chance at having what was, for the moment, life for me). Christ showed us that the approach of death would feel painful, because it will look like the end of life and all the possible joys within it--vanishing--but Christ's story reveals that in it (suffering in the face of these Death threats and in death itself) there we would find our greatest source of true life.  

"For in bringing many sons to glory,  (many sons means you and me!  That's not talking about Jesus because Jesus is not plural.) 

it was entirely appropriate that God — 

all things exist for Him and through Him — (whether we agree with that or not) 

should make the 

source of their salvation 

perfect through sufferings. 

For the One who sanctifies 

and those who are sanctified 

all have one Father."

I loveeeeee this verse right here.  This is like...so logical haha. I love it because it makes sense.  It's not abstract or fuzzy, but it's so clear.  God had Jesus suffer not because He's a mean and cruel God but because That's the only way we get to life.  Sin makes us die, death threatens us, and we suffer because of sin having brought death to us.  So it makes sense that God would have His Son suffer death for us  not only because He saved us in doing so, but also because like Father like Son they are consistent with the truth the way and with life.  If God suffered His Son dying for us, then as newly redeemed children of God we also suffer death approaching as we are also being brought into adoption as God's children.  Jesus is our brother.  And what our big brother went through is what we are also going through because we are family.  We experience the same things, we gain the same things, and we have the same Father.  

"That is why Jesus is not ashamed 

to call them brothers,”

Hebrews 2:8-11

You and I are called the brothers of Jesus.  

As a woman, I don't find that odd at all.  I find the word "brother" to mean something beyond a male, but to be defined by relationship.  A brother is kin, it means we are family.  Jesus came as a man, born of a virgin woman, and if I live in His existence (or His presence) then I live in Him who was a man which makes me a brother too.  Not that it makes me male, but it makes me family.  

“Again, I will trust in Him. 

And again, 

Here I am with the children God gave Me."

Trust and being present is something we do again and again and again.  We trust and then we trust again.  We stand in the presence of our family of God again and again because we will forget who these people in the church are.  

"Now since the children have flesh and blood in common, Jesus also shared in these, 

so that through His death He might destroy the one holding the power of death — that is, the Devil — and free those who were held in slavery all their lives by the fear of death.”

Hebrews 2:13-15

Now, I'm at the point where my brain feels like it's going to explode or fry out. Haha.  I can't think straight.  So even when I want to pay my thoughts to God there are times I am unable to do so.  When I am unable I enable grace.  When I am able I think about God because in doing so He governs my life with love and joy and peace that surpasses understanding.  But when I am unable I enable grace which awes me into praising God for who He is and for who I am because of Him.  

Man.

Crazy.

God.

Amazing.

Fearless yet suffering,

Jmegrey 

Authenticity: real is real

Authenticity is real and it can't be anything but the real thing.

When you're real then what you do is real. 

Simple and true.  Real is real.  

Being authentic comes up against a lot of the things we never realized were only images.  You might think you're authentically about something, but when the fire tests your authenticity it reveals who you really are.  

These fires blaze through our decisions, they're our values, and they're our choices.  Okay so decisions and choices are the same thing, but the point is....soon enough the real you is exposed.  The you behind the hidden heart.  You might be able to have an image of who you think you are or what you think you're all about, and that could be based on what you know to be "good" or "right" in your mind, but all that knowledge means nothing when it comes to who you really are.  I can know a lot about what a doctor does, what a doctor looks like and how a doctor speaks.  But that does not make me a doctor.  I may be able to look the part if I stole a white coat and stethoscope, but I would not actually be a doctor because the qualities I mentioned are only the most obvious.  However, behind the obvious lies a complex and deep inner character of someone who had to decide that they were going to dedicate 7 hours a day for months to study for the MCAT exam, then they were likely going to pull out a scary amount of money on loan, risking a lot of debt for the next 10 years, then skip out on a lot of fun things they saw their friends doing to stay home and memorize which tendons connect to which bones and what happens when an artery coagulates, and instead of a salmon salad they had instant ramen every night.  The point being, the kind of person that wants to be a doctor is determined.  If I can say nothing else about their character it would be to say they are definitely diligent.  Now they could have other great qualities like kindness and gentleness, but those are what make a doctor.  Diligence and determination make a doctor because the decisions require giving up a lot and taking risks.  In that way who we are in life is revealed by our decisions, not our obvious appearances.  

As someone who says that they love and enjoy God and desire to know Him more, it's about my decisions more than appearances.  At the end of the day, only you know what's real and what's not.  What's happy and what's just an apathetic or will-less "whatever".  I think there are values that a believer can check themselves with to see if what they think matches what they know.  For me this has been two things:

First, I ask the Spirit, do I genuinely love people so that I see them the same way I see God?  In other words, are people or each person I encounter in life as valuable to me as God?  Or are they just means of doing good or being charitable; do I see them and not just their reactions to me.  If I see them as the latter then I might be a charitable person or a nice person, but it does not reveal me to be a follower of Jesus unless the first outcome is happening.  

(John 13:35: "By this all people will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.")

Second, I ask, am I in need of being reminded that God is there because I can't do this alone?  Am I committing everything to His Sovereignty so that no matter what I trust that He is having His way which is obviously good even if it may not look that way to me at first?  This is important because it means I'm always doing whatever I'm doing with God...and this becomes particularly important when things don't go as expected or as planned in my mind, or if I am planning too much ahead of time without room for the unknown.  All I need to remember is that God has a will which is being done, and my will is always there noticing that with more and more thankfulness to be in His.

(Isaiah 55:11- "so My word that comes from My mouth will not return to Me empty, but it will accomplish what I please and will prosper in what I send it to do.") 

I'm sure there are other indications that might help me see the condition of my hidden heart, but those two have been the most effective ones in my life lately. 

I watched the hunger games (warning: movie spoiler in this paragraph), and the story is about a girl who loves two guys.  One guy is the one she has grown up with and who appears to have the same values as her and who loves her very much, and the two of them are best friends.  The other guy sort of messes up a lot and gets rejected by her at first because he appears to be some random rich kid, but he falls for her regardless of how she treats him.  He also ends up having his mind messed with and tries to kill her.  However, one of the end scenes has the first guy (her best friend) who decides to be a part of an attack on civilians, not as his idea but for him it meant freedom and the decision fit into his values....and that one decision revealed what he really loved, and more than her it was freedom for a nation. This wasn't a bad thing, it just made him someone different than what she had probably expected.  He would make a great leader or soldier, but not her lover.  She has to pick between the two for who she will choose as her lover not as her fellow soldier.  The other guy shared core values with her, difficult decisions that may not have been ethically stable, but they shared a similar value of every human life even if at the expense of their own or something threatening, and he was also more about the immediate people in his life, and in the end even though he tried to kill her at one point (because he was brainwashed) at the core of who he was and what he valued it showed through his decisions.  

You can't hide forever what's in the hidden heart. 

Eventually it will be revealed, and probably is being revealed in our everyday decisions.

It was weird, but watching that movie filled me with new strength.  It made me want to walk fearlessly into authenticity.  To be who I am in Christ, regardless of what is seen or what people might think or say.  The truth will unfold, and there is a sense of relief and hope in knowing that.  For now, and for much of this life only God fully knows what's inside of my heart, and I know, too, only through relationship with Him. 

“This is what the Lord God says: Woe to the foolish prophets who follow their own spirit and have seen nothing." 

There is always our will and God's will.  The difference is that God's will is always getting done, while our own is liable to disappoint and fail because we might have different agendas than God.  We might have ideas for what life should be about or how God should and will make us happy, but we hold on so tightly to these expectations or pictures in our minds that when life happens, we see nothing.  It is only when we are in relationship, authentic communion with God, that we begin to see what He is doing unfold in our lives.  Less and less is the question of "why God?" because more and more it becomes "what does this mean?" The difference between the two questions lies in our trust in God, because asking why is more like demanding that God explain Himself or asking that God give us a reason for His reason, which is absurd since there is nothing above God's reason.  Exodus 33:19 states that God will have mercy on...the good people?  The right people?  The clean people?  No.  It says "I will have mercy on who I have mercy."  There is no reason for why He does what He does because no reason exists above His will.  

Asking "what does this mean" is openness to right interpretation.  Does God ridicule or criticize or condemn your life or does He interpret it as His plans for you so that you have no fear of falling from that good and perfect plan as you inwardly desire Him and His will more and more?  He says, "My sheep know My voice, and follow Me, and nothing can snatch them away from Me." (John 10:27-28) Whenever I feel or hear the threat of being wrong or messing up or being too far from who I am supposed to be, I silently sit before God in honesty and He speaks a better word that rises within me to follow Him rather than the accusations piled against in my mind.  I know His voice, and I know it well because it always leads me to life.  I follow His voice, and His alone keeps me safe. 

Exodus passage continued:

"You did not go up to the gaps or restore the wall around the house of Israel so that it might stand in battle on the day of the Lord."

Authentic believers care about the church.  They care about the body, the people, each person with a name ...matters.  Nobody should slip through the gaps or be left in their misery, because authentic people who commune with God know that this battle is not against flesh and blood (he or she or they are not the enemy), but that God cares about His sheep and would even be willing to leave 99 to search for one lost one.  It's not about the numbers but about each and every one of His own that matters.  I may not be able to know each and every person, but I can focus on the in front of me, next to me, or near me so that everywhere I go there is someone to care for.  

Now I'm not saying that if you don't possess these qualities then you are not authentic, or maybe ...maybe I am.  Because I don't possess all these qualities in my inner character, yet that does not mean they are not true.  The Word is true and God is true, even if that makes everyone a liar, including myself. 

(Romans 3:4- "By no means! Let God be true though every one were a liar, as it is written, “That you may be justified in your words, and prevail when you are judged.”). The reason I'm pointing these things out about authenticity is to show us and myself how much grace we receive each day as we admit to the truth about our hearts--as we take this journey with God of honesty and cultivate an authentic relationship with Him.  The hard part is seeing how far and evil we are, but the glorious part is being washed in the gospel and in His will every single time.  There is no fear in His perfect love.  The goodness of God outweighs the evil in the world ....there's no comparison!

This means that even when we have moments where we begin to lose hope, we see that we only began to lose hope because we first trusted in God to do a good work, and what we expected God to do is not what we see, yet that does not mean He did not do a good work nor does it mean that we did not hope in Him, it must mean we are now at the place where we let go of our expectations and trust more deeply in God.  This inception of hope and trust goes deeper and deeper and deeper as we walk honestly and hopefully and trustfully with God for the completion of His will. 

“My hand will be against the prophets who see false visions and speak lying divinations. They will not be present in the fellowship of My people or be recorded in the register of the house of Israel, and they will not enter the land of Israel. Then you will know that I am the Lord Yahweh."

Now when the wall has fallen, will you not be asked, ‘Where is the coat of whitewash that you put on it?’

You profane Me in front of My people for handfuls of barley and scraps of bread; you kill those who should not die and spare those who should not live, when you lie to My people, who listen to lies.”

Ezekiel 13:3, 5, 9, 12, 19

Real is real.  A coat of whitewash cannot withstand the day of its destruction by God, but the one who has put their hope and trust in God as their refuge will never be abandoned.  

Real is real.  

Be real about trusting God for the outcome.

Jmegrey

Preaching the Gospel to myself everyday

God, 

I'm frustrated that there is no certainty, no sign, no conviction or fullness in my heart to reassure me that it's You.  I know I've sinned deliberately, I know I could have done better, I know I made bad choices, and I understand that comes with responsibility, but what about Your gospel?  When I think about Your gospel, that no sin or bad decision is more powerful than Your gospel, I find I must be forgiven and sometimes it fills me with the presence and taste of Your love and grace, while today it just fills me with suspicion and guilt.  I need the truth to settle the thoughts in my heart.  

God, my Father in heaven.  I'm sorry.  And I'm not sorry with tears or with the right thoughts or even the right heart.  I'm sorry because I miss You. I'm sorry because I want You.  I'm sorry because I know You mean more to me than my idols, yet I fall for their momentary seductions ...just like the prostitute that Hosea married. 

I'm sorry because without You there is no me. 

What am I looking for Lord?

What exactly do I want? 

Why do I feel stuck, yet know that I can't be stuck if I have You always with me? 

What is going on in my heart of hearts?

Spirit, search me and know me, 

See if there is any grievous way in me, 

And lead me into life everlasting.

It's like cotton in my mouth or wool over my eyes. It feels like a stomach ache or cramps.

The chaos of my lost soul is wandering in futile places searching for futile answers, and then I'm flat on the ground with my cheek to the floor staring at the nothingness in my life.  Without You there is no meaning.  Without You there is no life for me. 

Yet it is strange that hope will not leave me.  It is so persistent, it's like a tick in times like these.  When everything isn't what I expected, and in fact it's all quite out of my hands, hope will not budge from me.  Are You pushing me along to the next area of growth? Even in my disobedience, are You having mercy on me? 

“And this will be My covenant with them 

when I take away their sins. 

Regarding the gospel, they are enemies 

(the Jews are enemies to the Gentiles in regards to how they upheld the Law)

for your advantage 

(to be free), 

but regarding election, 

(but some of the Jews, even if wrapped up in the Law are still loved and saved because they are Mine by My will which is irrevocable)

they are loved because of the patriarchs, 

since God’s gracious gifts and calling are irrevocable. 

As you once disobeyed God, 

but now have received mercy 

through their disobedience, 

(God even uses disobedience to fulfill His will)

so they too have now disobeyed, 

(Their disobedience was in living by right and wrong, the commandments of God, rather than by the gospel in their heart of hearts) 

resulting in mercy to you, 

so that they also now may receive mercy. 

(From those who have the gospel can now show mercy on those who live by obedience to the commandments of right and wrong, aka: the Law) 

For God has imprisoned all 

in disobedience, 

so that He may have mercy on all. 

Oh, the depth 

of the riches 

both of the wisdom 

and the knowledge of God! 

How unsearchable His judgments 

and untraceable His ways! 

For who has known the mind of the Lord? 

Or who has been His counselor? 

Or who has ever first given to Him, 

and has to be repaid? 

For from Him and through Him and to Him 

are all things. 

To Him be the glory forever. Amen.”

Romans 11:27-36

Again, it is true.  This is the truth, and it's overwhelming that such a gospel has been given to us, to me.  So unbelievable at times, because I know how wrong I am!  I feel the law at work in my mind and in my body!  I have shame and guilt and despair ready to break the dam and drown my soul.  Yet there is the bright morning star, Jesus, and I am carried above the waters and into this glorious gospel.  

Despite no strong feeling of joy or even gratefulness, although there is a little (the size of the hope and belief I have in the gospel), I can feel the battle of light against darkness in me.  Where there is no joy there is darkness, but even the dark is light to You.

“even the darkness is not dark to You. 

The night shines like the day; 

darkness and light are alike to You.

Your eyes saw me when I was formless; 

all my days were written in Your book 

and planned before a single one of them began. 

God, how difficult Your thoughts are for me to comprehend; how vast their sum is! 

If I counted them, 

they would outnumber the grains of sand; 

when I wake up, 

I am still with You.”

Psalms 139:12, 16-18

All my days have been planned.  Last night was planned and written in Your book, today is planned written in Your book, and 5 years from now is already planned by You and written in Your book. 

Even now, Lord, capture my thoughts that accuse me of what's right and wrong! 

“I beg you that when I am present I will not need to be bold with the confidence by which I plan to challenge certain people who think we are behaving in an unspiritual way. 

(I feel in myself a fear that others may begin to think that what I hold as truth is unspiritual or wrong, but Paul reminds all believers that this battle is not about the behavior or external things that are visible...because if that were the case then I am definitely wrong.  I see sin everywhere in me, on me, coming out of my actions!) 

For though we live in the body, 

we do not wage war in an unspiritual way, 

(We do not wage war against the behaviors or the external sins of the body)

since the weapons of our warfare are not worldly, 

(The weapons have nothing to do with what we see or do in actions, our weapons are not to try harder or become better or change our behavior)

but are powerful through God for the demolition of strongholds. 

(Our weapons tear down the root beneath those actions, which are of a spiritual nature)

We demolish arguments and every high-minded thing that is raised up against the knowledge of God, 

taking every thought captive to obey Christ.

(The thoughts are what matter, and the thoughts obey Christ, even if the actions do not)

Look at what is obvious. 

If anyone is confident that he belongs to Christ, 

he should remind himself of this: 

Just as he belongs to Christ, so do we. 

(Because nothing brought me to Christ save grace, so nothing of what I see in another believer will qualify that person as saved or not, because by grace we all stand equal with one another.  Whether some look or appear to be more "holy" while others appear "rebellious" it does not make a difference.  It is obvious that if I believe I am saved, like Paul writes here, then I know others who believe are also saved since there is no visible measure of qualification, only grace.  So I take that as an internal cue in my thoughts that when I begin to think another person is wrong or doing something that is not what a saved person should do, I will remember it is grace, and if I am saved, then so are they.  Amazing....that makes me love them rather than judge them.  God is a genius.  It also means that if I feel judged for my decisions as being wrong and fear grips me, I can relax because I am saved by grace. Wonderful, wonderful.) 

For if I boast some more about our authority, which the Lord gave for building you up and not for tearing you down, I am not ashamed.

(Only when my authority is God can I boast, because if it were me I would be ashamed.  I'm not qualified, nor am I clean or holy enough to direct anyone toward God, but I can do so unashamed because it is God who has cleansed me and called me to this glorious gospel that builds the hearts of those who believe in it up and not tear it down.  This is why I can share the gospel unashamed despite what I know to be true about me, that I am the worst sinner I know, because it's not by my behavior that I am able to boldly speak but by this gospel that saved a wretch like me.  I am one beggar among many beggars pointing to where we can all find bread!) 

For we don’t dare classify or compare ourselves with some who commend themselves. 

But in measuring themselves by themselves and comparing themselves to themselves, 

they lack understanding. 

(May I always look at Jesus and not myself when I feel the need to be reminded that I am right...that I am perfect and righteous.  In such a way I will always be right haha, so when I am wrong I know I've stopped looking at Jesus!) 

We, however, will not boast beyond measure but according to the measure of the area of ministry that God has assigned to us, 

which reaches even to you.

(Whatever I do in ministry, I do because it is the Father's will that it be so.  Whether it looks to me like it's flourishing or failing, I drop all expectations and hold on to my desire to please Him, without knowing exactly what that looks like.  So that in everything I do I will naturally give all the glory to God, in every circumstance and in all my relationships.) 

So the one who boasts must boast in the Lord. For it is not the one commending himself who is approved, but the one the Lord commends.”

2 Corinthians 10:2-5, 7-8, 12-13, 17-18

How do I know I am commended?  Because I am clothed in the obedience of Jesus.  An alien obedience!  It is not my own but a gift!  

Okay, there's my certainty.  My joy.  My refuge.  God, keep me here in Your presence all day, everyday.  Remind me when I forget.  Prone to wander, Lord I feel it, prone to leave the One I love.  Take my heart Lord, take and seal it, seal it more than I ever could! 

Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing

Come, Thou Fount of every blessing

Tune my heart to sing Thy grace

Streams of mercy, never ceasing

Call for songs of loudest praise

Teach me some melodious sonnet

Sung by flaming tongues above

Praise the mount, I'm fixed upon it

Mount of Thy unchanging love

Here I raise my Ebenezer

Here there by Thy great help I've come

And I hope, by Thy good pleasure

Safely to arrive at home

Jesus sought me when a stranger

Wandering from the fold of God

He, to rescue me from danger

Interposed His precious blood

O to grace how great a debtor

Daily I'm constrained to be

Let that grace now, like a fetter

Bind my wandering heart to Thee

Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it

Prone to leave the God I love

Here's my heart, O take and seal it

Seal it for Thy courts above

Come, Thou Fount of every blessing

Tune my heart to sing Thy grace

Streams of mercy, never ceasing

Call for songs of loudest praise

Teach me some melodious sonnet

Sung by flaming tongues above

Praise the mount, I'm fixed upon it

Mount of Thy unchanging love

Songs of the heart,

Jmegrey 

Glorify the Father not the praise of man

Jesus knows our intentions, but His words never accuse, they are always gentle with wisdom.

Even to his enemies, like Judas who was accusing Mary of being wasteful when she could have sold her perfume for money to give to the poor. 

“Jesus answered, 

“Leave her alone; 

she has kept it for the day of My burial. 

For you always have the poor with you, 

but you do not always have Me.””

John 12:7-8

In other words, I am God, and I've come to you now at this point in time to reveal my Father to you all.  The person you see before you is an exact representation of the God you serve.  I am of I Am.  And I am about to be given over to death, and I will be no more.  What sort of significance does that have for you?  Are the poor more significant than Me?  Is money more important than Me?  Or am I the chief of all of which all things fall in submission.  And if I am about to be murdered and will no longer be with you, then let it mean much for Mary who has understood this.  As for you, Judas, this is Me explaining to you what Mary already knows.

“Jesus found a young donkey and sat on it, 

just as it is written: 

Fear no more, Daughter Zion. 

Look, your King is coming, 

sitting on a donkey’s colt. 

His disciples did not understand these things at first. 

However, when Jesus was glorified, 

then they remembered 

that these things had been written about Him 

and that they had done these things to Him.”

John 12:14-16

Jesus arrived in front of all His admirers and the people who praised Him for raising Lazarus from the dead, and He grabbed an ass and sat on it.  This was not a cultural move of someone who is royal or respectable.  An ass was just as ridiculous back then as they are now.  It was the silliest animal to ride on let alone be praised while riding.  Yet, Jesus chose the ass because He was the key in the entire scene.  It could have been a a pig or a turtle that He rode in, but it was an ass, because that was prophesied before all time (in other words God had said in an earlier time that when Jesus came He would ride on a donkey).  It also reminds us that it doesn't matter how or what Jesus uses, cuz if Jesus uses you or her or him, then that is enough to make it worthy.  

Again, by the looks of things, the disciples were probably shocked and puzzled as they just stared at Jesus.  Jesus took hold of the donkey and then proceeded to get on it, and was like "okay, guys, your King is ready to go!" 

The disciples were like...."uhhh, Jesus you are the King of the world...that's a donkey..." 

They didn't understand why the heck Jesus would ride a donkey.  But it was because they were so focused on the inadequacy of the donkey and not on the adequacy of Christ!  

But later, it says, when they saw Jesus glorified and raised from the dead, they were like...ohhhh we get it.  You planned it all out, that it was a donkey and that we helped you find that donkey for You to do your royal stride through the town on.  You planned it all out.  Because....we get it now, we see it...because You are God.  In other words, we didn't get that You were always in control, and that You use us for Your purposes, which included the donkey, but now we know that all things have their purpose in You, because You only do what the Father says.  We get it now, the Father has His ways, even when what we saw didn't make sense to us.  They got it. 

“Jesus found a young donkey and sat on it, just as it is written: Fear no more, Daughter Zion. Look, your King is coming, sitting on a donkey’s colt. His disciples did not understand these things at first. However, when Jesus was glorified, then they remembered that these things had been written about Him and that they had done these things to Him."

Then as all this praise and admiration is going on it says that there were some Greeks, AKA the intellectuals or the people renowned as being really smart and therefore their opinions really mattered in society, they came up to Philip.

The story says:

"So they came to Philip, who was from Bethsaida in Galilee, and requested of him, 

“Sir, we want to see Jesus.” 

(Probably, I'm just guessing, it was with a tone of "You're welcome."  We want to see Jesus, do you see who we are.  We are the Greeks.  We like this Jesus guy so we want to see Him and as you can guess our opinion of Him matters because we have a lot of influence on society.  You're welcome Philip.)

Philip went and told Andrew; then Andrew and Philip went and told Jesus. Jesus replied to them, “The hour has come for the Son of Man to be glorified.

(...I skipped a part in the middle where Jesus basically goes on to say that unless you die you won't ever be this "big deal" that you think you are as a Greek or an intellectual or a rich person.  Jesus said, “If anyone serves Me, 

he must follow Me. (Not the other way around. It's not as they assumed when they told Philip they wanted to see Jesus, make it happen Philip.  It doesn't work like that.  We follow Jesus.  We find Jesus.  We go to Jesus.  And He said,

"Where I am, there My servant also will be. 

If anyone serves Me, the Father will honor him.”

John 12:26

In other words, if you want to see Jesus, only way is to serve Him.  You wanna meet Jesus it's only if He's first called upon you.  You wanting to see Jesus can mean two things: 1.  You want to see Him because you want Him 2.  You want to see Him because you have an opinion about Him that you want to assess.  Jesus was a basically saying, I don't care what you think about me, whether you're Greek, Jew, rich, or poor, or whether what you think is good or bad about me.  I don't care whether you like me or not, because I am who I am.  I know who I am and where I am going.  

Jesus finished by saying:

"Father, glorify Your name! ” Then a voice came from heaven: “I have glorified it, and I will glorify it again! ””

John 12:14-16, 21-23, 28

I mean, this story used to befuddle me.  These innocent Greek guys who are probably praising Jesus or at least they have positive views about Him, go up to Philip like "we want to see Jesus, and by see Jesus we mean, we want to meet Him personally so set up the time and place for us."  and innocent and naive Philip is like "oh okay let me go ask."  And then Jesus goes into this speech about a seed falling to the ground and dying in order to produce something of value.  And then He is like FATHER! Glorify Your name! 

Jesus did everything from this place.  The place of the heart cleaved to God as being glorified.  He could've basked in the praise of the Greeks, who probably wanted to commend Jesus for His wisdom and all the good things He was doing, but Jesus could care less about their praise.  All Jesus cared about was the God His Father be glorified.  That The Father's name would be glorified and not His own.  

He wanted them and everyone to know that if you follow me that's enough because it means you know who God is. If your heart has died and you've given your life over then that life has died and will now be like the seed.  It will fall, but God will raise it to produce the value it can.  This is all about God.  Stop looking at my wisdom or my works and look at God!  If you liked the wisdom and you were impressed by the works, look at the Father!  Glorify Him, not me.  

Jesus continually showed the disciples His example for redemption.  He was showing us the way.  This is the truth.  That all of life and all of the things that are worthy of praise and glory belong entirely to God!  Don't get it twisted.  Everything we do is something that is made to bring God glory, and that is the truth and purpose of why we do have anything in this life.  It's purpose is the glory of God.  Is there any more worthy purpose than the glory of God?  We glorify God, or I should say...lowly creatures like us actually get to glorify God.  It's like a diamond that get appraised for its value.  The person who says it's worth thousands or millions of dollars is someone who is fit to say that it is...a gemologist or what not.  They get to say "this diamond is worth a million dollars" and so it is!  In a similar fashion we get to say, "God is God" but not because what we say makes Him God, just like the gem guy can't point to a piece of lint and say that it's a diamond and then everyone is like "okay that piece of lint is now a diamond because he said so."  No.  But because the gem guy has insight and the ability to know what is and isn't a diamond. 

We have insight and ability to know who is and who is not God.  And that is why when we give God glory it is that we have been given the ability to know God!  We have this gift that is good and true and life-giving.  Our knowing God is amazing.  Jesus was saying, "Father Your name be glorified!"  Because Jesus knew that God is God and that's the most honorable truth.  He didn't need to hear that from the Greeks nor did He need to get their approval, He was like, "Unless you die you can't even begin to see or know what I see and know"

And that was that.  The Greeks were put in their place, and Philip got a taste of what to do in situations like that.  That in all things, when the praise of man comes knocking on your door, you remember that all praise belongs to the Father!  Just like that.  You know if you know.  You don't know if you start thinking you can somehow meet God on your terms.   Jesus wanted them to know the heart of the person who knows is like that of a seed that dies.  It gets real desperate and weak...until it lets go of the control of life itself and falls flat on the ground.  Jesus was saying, "This is how meet God."  Because He is life, and if you have been holding on to any notion of life apart from God it needs to be laid down.  Come to the real source of life by dying, then see and know that God raises you up.  His way.  With His life.  And for His glory.  

Jmegrey 

Fill me with Jesus.

Lord, 

Fill me with Jesus.

Everyday.

God guide my eyes upward when the things below seem to threaten me.  Lead my gaze to You where You sit on the throne above all thrones and see me.  Let my hands and my heart fly to You as I trust in Your power over whatever situation is before me, whether fear or loss, boredom or rejection, loneliness or insecurity, unforgivenes or anger, hurt or desire, in everything Lord bring my eyes to see You as higher and greater than all of that.  That You have prepared the way for me to walk in, and that each circumstance of every day is preparing me for the promises.  

Lord I need to be emptied of my selfish ambitions and filled with Jesus. 

Lord give me faith to walk in your ways, to see others as those I love instead of as people I need love from.  That when I see You I will see them too. 

Father, put the example of Christ in my hands and in all that I think and do. 

In Jesus name I pray,

Amen.

---

I heard an amazing reminder today.  

Before Jesus was about to leave, what was the very last thing, the most important thing He did for His disciples?  He knew it was going to be the last moment he would have with his friends, his followers, his chosen who would go out into the world, and what did Jesus do for them? 

“Before the Passover Festival, 

Jesus knew that His hour had come 

to depart from this world to the Father. Having loved His own who were in the world, He loved them to the end.

Jesus knew that the Father 

had given everything into His hands, 

(Do you know that the Father has given you everything too, when He gave Jesus to you?  Or does your thought life and actions reflect a lack or a feeling of incompleteness that leads to hopelessness and complaining? Jesus knew.  Even in the face of His coming murder, He knew the Father was greater and that His promises were solid.). 

"that He had come from God, 

and that He was going back to God. 

(Jesus KNEW who He was and where He was going!  Do you know who you are and where you are going?  Do you really know who you are and really where you are actually going?  Because if you do then you wouldn't question or doubt either of those things, you would know, just like Jesus knew here.)

This is the amazing part.  

It says He knew, as if the thought suddenly occurred to Him that He was about to leave soon to go where the Father had said He would go, back to His place by the Father!  Jesus knew this was it and it was as if that thought happened he realized what He needed to do as the most final and important lesson for His disciples to have and hold for the rest of their lives, his transition was right then and there at the dinner table: 

"So He got up from supper, 

laid aside His robe, 

took a towel, 

and tied it around Himself. 

Next, He poured water into a basin 

and began to wash His disciples’ feet 

and to dry them 

with the towel tied around Him.

When Jesus had washed their feet 

and put on His robe, 

He reclined again and said to them, 

“Do you know what I have done for you? You call Me Teacher and Lord. This is well said, for I am. So if I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet.

For I have given you an example 

that you also should do 

just as I have done for you.”

John 13:1, 3-5, 12-15

When I heard this it hit me. 

What am I living for? 

I see the celebrities in their perfect bodies and beautiful clothes, I see the stars on reality shows laughing, I see the pictures on Instagram of those who are traveling and making art and I want that.  I want what they have, or I look at my life and see how far I am from having better things.  I grow silent and feel pathetic, I cry or I try to find some other way to gratify my desire for more. I look for something else.  How can I get what I want?  The selfish ambition creeps up on me like a silent fart.  It isn't seen or heard but I know it's there by all the signs, the signs of greed, envy, lust, and discontent.  It's a stench in my soul, as foul crap.   Yet when did it happen, how did it suddenly creep up on me like that?  But the greater truth is Jesus.  I look and see Jesus and read what His last lesson was.  The very last thing He, it says He got up from the dinner table, it was as if it was so abrupt because He knew it was so crucial. 

“Jesus knew that His hour had come to depart from this world to the Father. Having loved His own who were in the world, He loved them to the end.

Jesus knew that the Father had given everything into His hands, that He had come from God, and that He was going back to God. 

So He got up from supper, laid aside His robe, took a towel, and tied it around Himself. 

Next, He poured water into a basin and began to wash His disciples’ feet and to dry them with the towel tied around Him."

Just like that.  

No frilly or smooth transitions or a care about what they might think (in fact Peter spoke up about what He thought and Jesus responded and just proceeded.). But he got up, and it says He knew. 

He knew who He was and where He was going. 

It says He loved the disciples to the end! This was the end.  His love culminated in the final display of what He wanted to give to His disciples as the most important lesson of all. 

So simple and so Jesus.

He got up. 

Put His robe to the side, 

Picked up a towel and wrapped it around him,

Just moving in motion one after the other, 

And then he grabbed a basin and started filling it with water (I imagine the disciples are probably watching all of this happen with the most cutest confused looks on their faces, haha) 

And then just like that, after the water is in the basin Jesus probably got down on the floor and dunked the first pair of mud-caked toes in the water and just washed.  It says he washed their feet. 

And each person, as they got their feet washed, got their feet dried by the towel Jesus had put on at the beginning because He knew exactly what He was doing.  He was dead set on washing their feet as the last lesson before He would depart back to the Father. 

Then He says, did you see that? 

Did you see what I just did?

I know you don't understand because it's so counter cultural and it goes against everything you thought was right and good, but did you see what your Master and Lord just showed you? 

Jesus is for sure.  He literally finished the last pair of feet, and once everyone had been washed He gets back on His own two feet and gets His robe, probably tosses the nasty towel in the laundry and then it says he goes back to reclining.  He's chillin!  He's not like "yea, I'm awesome" or "show me your thankfulness".  He literally just goes back to how He was before, because nothing in His heart had changed.  It was love from start to finish. 

"When Jesus had washed their feet 

and put on His robe, 

He reclined again and said to them, 

“Do you know what I have done for you? You call Me Teacher and Lord. 

This is well said, for I am. 

So if I, your Lord and Teacher, 

have washed your feet, 

you also ought to wash one another’s feet. 

For I have given you an example 

that you also should do 

just as I have done for you.”

Wow.  There is no television screen or Instagram photo or applause, there's this guy that has all the power in the room, and He strips off his clothing (which also signifies an indignity about His appearance...imagine you're at dinner and you suddenly remember you have an important thing to do so you just do it right there without any care for what the other people will think or say and imagine if that important thing was something that made you appear indignant like removing a wig or crying right there in front of everyone.) here's Jesus with the highest honor and reputation and image among all the other guys, and he just gets up, takes his robe off, grabs a towel and ties it around his wait and then find a basin and fills it with water, all the while the disciples are sitting at the table stunned in confusion and just perplexed at what's happening.  Then Jesus does the unthinkable.  He does the unthinkable. 

Jesus starts washing feet.  Not just a pair of feet but 12 pairs of feet! 

And!! 

Jesus washes his betrayers' feet!!

I mean, what?!

Jesus washed the feet of the guy He KNEW was going to betray Him. 

Can we let that sink?  I mean, come on. 

What is that.  

Who does that? 

Who knowingly serves the guy that stabs them in the back? 

Jesus does. 

Jesus does, and He asked "did you see what I did?"

Do you see what He did?

May we begin to walk into the will of the Father willingly and knowingly in every circumstance and situation, ready and confident about who we are and where we are going as we wash the feet of others, including those we know have hurt us.  Jesus didn't speak much as He usually does using parables and sermons, but the last thing He did was to show us, this is it guys.  This is what it looks like.  This is what my entire life given for you is going to look like, did you see it?  Now as I have done for you, do for one another.  This is the very last lesson before I go. 

How many of us, when we look at our lives, see Jesus's example given to us?  Do we see this swift and confident movement of dignity off, on my knees, washing lots of dirty feet, drying, and then when it's all said and done just reclining as if it was nothing but the right thing to do.  No looking around for approval, no hesitation, no nothing.  

It wasn't something he did to get admiration or applause, he did it because He was saying this is life.  Even though I'm your master, which is true, this is what life looks like.  This is the way.  The truth. And the life.  

Believe Me? 

And the disciples did.  They believed.  Every one of them (minus Judas) was murdered for this belief.  (John was exiled, but he was the only one who wasn't killed for following Jesus) Because they knew death was nothing, they knew like Jesus had when He showed them that this was life! They knew who they were and where they were going.  They saw what Jesus showed them, and they it showed in their lives too!

I pray that I would know who I am and where I am going.  That I would see Jesus and what He gave me.  That I would do everything from this place, this confidence and swiftness.  We are here but for a short time, everyone is going to die eventually.  But what is everyone living for?  I found myself praying to God after reading this passage, what have I been living for that averted my eyes from Jesus to all these other people and things?  

Jesus is the way when I am lost.

Jesus is the truth when I am confused or conflicted. 

And Jesus is the Life when Death threatens me. 

Be filled with Jesus today. 

Jmegrey