Being content

Thinking about the root of some of my more hard to let go of  sins,
I have found that I struggle with contentment in God alone.

For me, I fear not having enough when I want it, how I want, and if I want it.  Not enough love, not enough money, not enough time, enough good food, enough opportunities, and the list is endless.

You'd think that I wouldn't be that way if God was all I wanted, but apparently upon closer examination of my more habitual fears I find a sense of "what if...".  As in "what if I will not have enough" or "what if I cannot keep what I have" or "what if I will want this later?".  Most of the time the sins I commit are more out of fear, and not out of an actual desire.  Of course there are times when they rage from a potently strong longing (as I'm sure most of you can relate), but for me personally most of the times I am in a state of mental "what if" warfare.   

 

But the only hope of help I have is God, the Holy Spirit, and the Spirit operates on my faith.  How can I give way for the Holy Spirit to lead me when I keep yanking the reigns back from Him in my state of fear?  I must let go completely, and be ok with whatever follows, be it pain, lack or even death (though I know that the opposite will ensue).  If the Holy Spirit says "no, stop that", then I must cease completely no matter how strong I may want to continue in whatever it is I should not be doing.  If the Holy Spirit says "speak up to this person" then I must lay myself aside and speak up even if I will be rejected.  If the Holy Spirit says "give" I must be generous.  If the Holy Spirit says "go" I must drop what I am doing and obey.  If the Holy Spirit says "do this" then I shall do that.  And all the while I must prepare myself by clothing my eyes, ears, hands and mouth with unceasing prayer and the Word of God.  

I don't want to live in fear.

Romans 8:15 says,

"For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, “Abba! Father!”

I am my Father's daughter, and when I sin it is me forgetting that I am no longer a slave to fear.  The Holy Spirit is in me to remind me of the truth: that I am a child of God.  That He paid for me in full.  It is finished.  I am His. 

Lord, 

Please increase my faith so I may experience more of Your Spirit's leading in my life.  Help me remember who I am in You.  Lead me by still waters, and keep me far from temptation.  May Your will be done in my life.   Thank you.

In Jesus name I pray,

Amen.