A piece of cake

There is one thing we hold on to more tightly than anything else.  That one thing is often the very thing God asks of us to let go and give to Him.  It is the one thing we try so hard to hide away so that no one will see it and make us give it up.  But God sees it, and He wants us to let it go because the longer we hold on to it, the more we hurt God and arouse his jealousy.  Whatever we feel we cannot give to God is the very thing we need to give up in order follow God.  This one thing is intense.  Clearly if we think it's something worth more than God that we can't give it up, than it's got to be the opposite of good for us.  In fact it's probably destructive to us.  Yet if we have already dug our souls fingernails into it, letting it go will feel tragic.  Letting it go will feel outrageously costly, ridiculously crazy, and insanely risky.  This one thing.  The one thing that stands between you and God.  

There is one thing I hold on to, I cling on to it with a fierceness, and will not let it leave my grip.  Or if I do let it go, it's only to set it down at a safe distance in order for me to be able to grab it again if I deem it necessary to do so.  I can not let this go, because my grip on it feels crucial to my very life. Did I count the cost?  Did I weigh the measures right?  When I said I'd love You God, did I actually know what I was really giving up?  I saw what I could gain, but I didn't realize how much I'd have to give up. I thought I could have my cake and eat it too, and then have some more because I know your resources are endless.  I didn't realize to have your cake I'd have to give up mine...this one that I baked and decorated.  How do I know Yours will taste better than mine?  What if I give You my cake only to find that I don't like Yours?  Sure, I know I'm not a great baker, everything I make usually turns out bland, and I'm aware that you created every flavor so Yours will probably taste divine, but still...how do I know for sure?  I have this one thing, this one cake, and actually I've been eating it and it's pretty nasty :(  but still, what if I give it up for Yours and I miss my old cake?  The nasty one that I don't like at all... :/. What's wrong with me? Well sometimes I like it, because I made it, and when I get really famished it kind if tastes good, but not after a couple bites.  It's got the worst aftertaste ever.  Really bitter and sour.  Lord, I want Yours.  Real good cake.  The kind that's beautiful to look at as well as amazingly delicious.  I've heard about it, I've even read up on it, in fact I know pretty much everything about it.  But still...I have mine.  What if I give up mine and never receive Yours? Then I'd be left with no cake at all!  I would starve?!  Will You let me starve?!! I am afraid, but I long for Yours everyday.  My heart races at the thought of Yours because I know so much about it, and now it's only a matter of having it.  Your cake of glory.  Sounds silly because this is a metaphor, but that is what it is.  I must give up my moldy piece of self glorification in order to walk in Your glory.  Please help me trust in You, and give me the strength to give up the one thing I have yet to yield to You.  So that I will have nothing standing in the way between You and me, Lord.

In Jesus name I pray, amen.

-j