Some days I wake up with so much negative energy in me. My mind is blurry and I feel a tension inside that I don't even understand. I get anxious and I immediately try to quell the sensation on my own (even if that looks like "prayer"). Then, by God's grace, I am led to His Word where He reminds me of this very truth. He speaks truth into me, that I was made to worship, so what must be done to transform the negative energy in me into rejoicing? It is to look at my sweet Jesus from all the right angles.
“When I became embittered and my innermost being was wounded, I was stupid and didn’t understand;
I was an unthinking animal toward You.
Yet I am always with You;
You hold my right hand.
You guide me with Your counsel,
and afterward You will take me up in glory.
Who do I have in heaven but You?
And I desire nothing on earth but You.
My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart,
my portion forever.”
Psalms 73:21-26
Yes this is so true.
When something in my innermost being feels wounded it compels me to be more susceptible to fall into sin. I instinctively reject pain of that sort, the pain of which feels destructive to the real me inside. The pain that is not usually visible to the physical eye. Wounds in the innermost trickle outward by default because who we are on the inside is more real than what people see on the outside.
So the psalmist preaches that we are like brute animals when this happens. We feel our innermost wounds and naturally recoil in fear causing us to numb the sensation, run away, or distract ourselves by any mean possible.
Being embittered makes us stupid, haha. Why? I think it makes sense. We were created to be thankful and to be full of praise toward God, so when we become embittered (because of our brokenness) we are trying to operate incorrectly. It's like pouring coffee into a DVD player--the DVD player doesn't read coffee on its device. What you get is an incorrect pairing of substance and device. So it is with us when we fall from gratefulness and thanksgiving. We were made to worship, so when our hearts are hindered from praise because of innermost wounds we will be pairing our souls with what makes us stupid. It sounds mean, but the truth here is that we are incapable of making ourselves "right."
We have a broken nature for which God sent us a Savior, His Son. So now we can say with the Psalmist:
Yet I am always with You;
You hold my right hand.
You guide me with Your counsel,
and afterward You will take me up in glory.
How is this possible? Though we be brute, stupid and unthinking toward our Heavenly Father, yet He is always with us? Despite us.
That He guides our stupidity and even our embittered moments inside towards that which leads us to be taken up in glory?
That is amazing.
And once the words have made their way past our defenses and self-pride--once they have nestled in the soft brokenness of our hearts where our true life is--we can see Him more clearly.
Who do I have in heaven but You?
And I desire nothing on earth but You.
My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart,
my portion forever.
The psalmist reveals the sweet God and Man, Jesus.
The cross where forgiveness and "right"-ness are found for us, freely. Despite ourselves. We see here where our God is, seated at the right hand of the Father, who He is, the sacrificial lamb and our High Priest forever, and what He has done to make us "right."
Do we see? Only from the gutter can we bring about what our wounded hearts need: praise.
I hope you look at Jesus today and that your heart overflows with praise!
Jmegrey
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