What Jesus said when she died

 “Do not fear, only believe.” (Mark 5:36)

Today is in a capsule of time, 24 hours to be exact.  For about 15 hours of that time I will be awake and my eyes will be seeing, my nose will be alert, my body will feel, and my ears will hear all kinds of sounds both intentionally and unintentionally.  

What if I saw something terrible, the stench hit my nose, the screams rang in my ears, and the moment made my stomach drop.  Would I, in that very moment, fear or believe?  

What happens when things in life just hit us like a freight train?  Or maybe even like subtle pin pricks that we tend to ignore, but they keep on poking?  Our minds resort to autonomy mode and we automatically resign to doing what we feel at the moment in order to quell the fear.  We run or we hide or we start to worry that things could get worse for us if we don't take matters into our hands.  Or maybe we shut down and let the fear rule our reactions.  We succumb to its terror by not caring.  Perhaps we over analyze the fear and try to figure out a way to beat it mentally.  Whatever you do it is pretty clear that fear is there in most of us, especially those of us who have ventured into the root of our issues.  

For myself, I discovered a few tyrant fears of mine after wondering why I was like this or why I occasionally did that. 

Fear of worthlessness was one of the most clarifying ones that helped me understand why I did things I didn't mean or want to do.  

I had a rough experience in the 7th grade that I thought was nothing after years and years had passed, but reflecting back on that time made me see that the 12 year old girl who experienced that awful pain of being rejected for no known reason had walked away without resolving why things happened the way they did.  In doing so it probably left a small seed that became a deeply rooted notion that people would reject me for no reason, so that the best thing to do was to try as hard as possible to give them reasons to like me: be nice, be pretty, be popular, date hot guys (as proof to self), be smart, be funny, etc etc.  It became so natural of an inclination that I began to think "this is just who I am."  I'm nice.  I'm pretty.  I date hot guys, I'm smart, I'm funny, I'm _______.  And my worth was placed in each of those things, all the while I called myself a Christian because I went to church.  

Be acceptable.  Looking back now, as time wore on the load just only got heavier, as reality revealed the impossibility of my attempts to be acceptable to everyone, which led to isolation and deflation of my once colorful passions as a child, and by the grace of God it collapsed over me crushing me and forcing me to recognize that I could not go on living like this.  I loved to love too much, I loved to live too much, and I loved to have meaning too much to just lay defeated underneath all the confusion and pain that I felt but that I didn't really understand.  God was there working in me to bring me to a place of better clarity of Himself.  He brought my philosophical questions into theology, my isolation into community, and my meaninglessness of life to His Kingdom where I began living life for as an heir.  As an heir and as a child of God.  The standard of meaning was met by God Himself who placed His promise and Word in me.  The promise that when I turn 89 and my body is crinkled and smelly, things would only get grand after I said goodbye to family and friends.  The Word in me said I had been given the kingdom of God when all that I knew and owned was hell and death.  

Things began making sense. I am an earthen jar (with arms and legs and eyes and ears and a nose) and I'm breakable but the treasure within me is God who speaks truth about my identity. 

"But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, so that the surpassing greatness of the power will be of God and not from ourselves"

2 cor. 4:7

Every once in a while when I crack or when a part of me chips, I see it, I smell it, I hear it and I certainly feel it.  

But when Jesus overheard the people saying this and that about how the girl was already dead, I'm sure some of those that were talking had seen the dead girl with their own eyes, felt her cold arms with their hands, and heard the doctor proclaim that life had left her. 

And Jesus said: "do not fear, only believe."

Fear will pounce on our earthen vessels, but the Word of truth that we hold as treasure reminds us that God is real.  We are best exposed to His presence when, against all odds and feelings, we let the body crack and crumble only to see God restore and ressurect.  I'm not saying that the purpose of our treasure is to bring dead people to life or to give us what we want (mend our chips and cracks!) but that God has given life through Jesus and it is for those who believe and pass over the fear who will see it. 

If we got what we wanted that would only make us feel as though we knew what was good for us, undermining the ingenuity of our Creator.  We want to reign and rule, but we don't have a kingdom!  If you want to love and to live and have God's friendship as Father then He will show you this treasure in your earthen vessel.  

When you see, smell, hear and feel yourself breaking, as all vessels of clay can

"Do not fear, only believe.” (Mark 5:36)

He said to them, “Why are you so afraid? Have you still no faith?” And they were filled with great fear and said to one another, “Who then is this, that even the wind and the sea obey him?” 

(Mark 4:40-41)

And this is eternal life, that they know you the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom you have sent. (John 17:3)

Jmegrey

The King's daughter

Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? 

I told God in a prayer tonight that I didn't want to think about the fact that I'm actually worse than I am.  I told God that I knew this was true, but I just didn't want to think about it to the point that it made me thankful to Him.  Maybe I didn't want to know that I was in debt beyond anything I could ever even try to begin paying back, or maybe it was because I just felt more comfortable being in lazy ignorance of what usually brings me to unending heaving sobs.  Maybe I just didn't want to be presumptuous by ignoring the truth?! I mean, the reasons are clearly all defying the very grace that God extends...whether it's thinking I have to pay him back by trying harder to be "righteous" or thinking that entering into truth would be more cumbersome than freeing and peaceful (I have never once cried and felt burdened because of it), or that somehow I had take a step back lest I steal any of God's glory....that is presumptuous!  I mean, the more real observation would be that I'm just so twisted that I would walk into the eternal hole of hell because I just don't know any better.  I'm that twisted.  I'm that dangerously twisted. My sins, they have me twisted in the head that I would walk right into hell of my accord!  Knowing that Christ had paid the way I would have the audacity and the insanity to brush that out, and for what?  Because I might cry?  Because I'd rather take a nap or be sad and numb?  That. Is. Twisted.  Everyday I think that I believe in Jesus and that He is my King, yet when something happens that irks me I throw His kingship out and start becoming twisted by walking toward hell instead of accepting His grace.  Oh wretched I am!  So many minutes in my head are spent being twisted about the beautiful gospel I know is true if only I would believe it by taking the time to dwell on it, even if it means I end up in a waterfall of tears.  It's twisted that I live like this.  

Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin. 

(Romans 7:24-25 ESV)

Thanks be to God.

I can breathe deeply again. 

I'm given life again.

And again.

And again.

Everyday I'm given life anew because despite my wretched and twisted behavior and mind, Jesus finished it.  He finished my salvation.  He saw the droves of people in their twisted minds choosing hell because sin always chooses hell by being sin, and He came to give new life for anyone who would stop and believe that He was God who could do such a thing!  I may not always want to think about my freedom in Christ, but Christ must not have died for nothing, otherwise I crucify Him again!  No.  I repent for letting my twisted head reject His great sacrifice.  I recognize that it is His grace that I'm given another day to repent and believe in Him.  It is by His grace alone that though I am wretched and twisted, He changes me with His grace into someone who chooses to lose it all and cry like a fountain!  He makes me hate the things that don't glorify Him!  He makes me love to know the Father!  Could I have become like this on my own?  There's just no way, I was twisted and He changed me.  

As I prayed I heard God ask me "who do you, Jamie, think I Am?"  

I said "You Are the King."

And He said, "and what does that make you?"

And before I could respond He said, "my princess."

To which I immediately thought was heresy because it didn't sound biblical.  It sounded fluffy and girly.  But as I forced myself to think about it, I considered what that meant.  To be His princess.  This wasn't the image of puffed sleeves and tight curls, rather what came to picture was a wanderer, a type of Pocahontas, if you will.   It would mean He was King and I was His Child regardless of what the externals or internals looked or felt. That's what a princess is--a daughter or female child.  Perhaps we won't have genders in heaven (I don't know!) but on earth I'm still a female.  This meant that if I am His child the moment I choose to believe in His Son, then it is the very same moment that I go from being Jamie, daughter of James and Julie, to Princess Jamie, daughter of the King of all other kings.  This fact does not mean I'm suddenly wearing silk dresses and eating frosted pink cakes (though that doesn't always sound so far off of a plan of mine), it is not that kind of word association.  Those are just cliches and symbols that humans have created over time.  The association with God runs truer than all that.  It is entirely relational.

I am the daughter of the King.

What does that mean? 

Princess Jamie.

What does that say about my worth?

What does that say about my future?

What does that say about my privileges?

My duties? 

My role?

What sort of things come with that title? 

Fame? Wealth? Glory? 

Definitely.  When the time comes for all God's children to take hold of the riches stored in heaven it will, as the bible says, be fullness of all those things--enough to make the richest person on earth look like a haggard beggar.  You might be wealthy on earth, and that could be from God but it is for the purpose of giving Him glory for the truer and wealthier riches in His Kingdom. 

But what about right now?  Does the title come with things right now?

Yes.  Relationally.

For example:

If I go abroad and I call my family I always know they miss me or love me or are praying for me.  I hardly ever feel that I will wear out my welcome with them.  How much more am I loved and accepted by the King, my true father?  

Yet how many times have I let the lies that I am not loved by Him seep in?  I have forgotten His identity and my own.

I have forgotten What had to be done for such a privilege.   Someone had to die--I was headed toward death, and Jesus stopped me and took my place so that I would become the King's daughter.  

Don't forget who God is and who that makes you.  Praise be to God!  I was blindly twisting my way towards hell and He took my death in order that I be crowned on earth as the King's girl. 

I may look like a desert wanderer on the outside, I may even look as if nothing has changed (or that things have worsened!) waiting to be revealed when Christ comes again, but I know one thing is highly in full effect:  The King I call Father with all the honors that come with that relationship.  No longer wretched in the true sense that matters.  I live to glorify God because that's my King and my Father by relation.  

It sounds kind of silly.  But it's true.  A part of me wants to delete all of this and be able to present it in a much more earthy and cool way, but nothing beats being the daughter of God--unless you still don't believe it. 

Jmegrey

What's heaven like?

Pinpointing idols:  be specific

1.  First is the surface or most obvious/exposed struggle you have...

Become convinced that your present method of ______ is sinful and cease from it; 

(This could be anything: talking, exercising, eating, drinking, sleeping, spending time/money, working, posting, writing, watching, etc.  be specific for your sake.). 

"Now the works of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, moral impurity, promiscuity, idolatry, sorcery, hatreds, strife, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambitions, dissensions, factions, envy, drunkenness, carousing, and anything similar. I tell you about these things in advance — as I told you before — that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God."

 (Galatians 5:19-21)

2.  Then recognize why you are convicted that it is bad.

Become convinced that God's methods for disciplined ___________ are right and begin practicing them; 

(This could be: all the same things listed in the first example)

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faith, gentleness, self-control. Against such things there is no law."

(Galatians 5:22-23)

3. Seek diligently to change your mind and become conformed to God's thinking, especially in the area of your ___________;

Be specific.  (All three blanks shoud have the same answer)

4. Continue to practice these new thoughts and behaviors, even when the struggle gets hard.

Being taught to run to God for comfort because He is the only one who will comfort from the root.

The things we run to instead of God might comfort us for a while (material goods, busy schedules, food, sexual stimulants, sleep, etc), but in time they always run out and we always need more and more until hope runs thin.  God's comfort causes hope to abound in our hearts! (Romans 15:13)

Good news!  This is not something we do with our so called will power.  If you struggle with sleep and want to be disciplined so that you sleep to glorify God and not to satiate your anxiety or boredom, know that God desires for you to sleep for His glory even more than you desire it!  You don't have to struggle on your own methods of trying harder or doing more.  No.  Our will power is weak, and we need the Holy Spirit to aid us--instead of thinking we can do this, it is realizing that we cannot do this, and calling upon the Holy Spirit to intercede to God on our behalf for His leading and His  hope to bring about genuine change in our broken character flaws.  Aside from the Spirit of God, I have nothing in me but stubbornness, laziness, deception, and weakness.  So how will I, by these things, be able to change myself?  With what good can I change myself?  Good intentions?  Even my intentions are filthy by God's standards and His perfect law.  If my intentions are not to glorify Him, which is only by being prompted by His Holy Spirit, but to glorify myself or fix myself for the sake of myself, then that is my "good intentions" to make me, myself, be my own god.   If you don't see what's wrong with that then that's a different story.  As a coheir of the kingdom of God, not the kingdom of Jamie, I am created to give all praise, glory and honor to The King.  If my King is myself, then I have no part in God's kingdom.  We will dwell in the kingdom of whom that kingdom's king is.  Only problem is...I don't have a kingdom.  And if I do, I don't like it.  I want to live and be an heir in God's kingdom.

The enemy of darkness will, with grandeur, propose that we will be given a kingdom of our own on earth, much like the way he offered such a package to Jesus in the wilderness.  

"So he took Him up and showed Him all the kingdoms of the world in a moment of time. The Devil said to Him, “I will give You their splendor and all this authority, because it has been given over to me, and I can give it to anyone I want. If You, then, will worship me, all will be Yours.” And Jesus answered him, “It is written: Worship the Lord your God, and serve Him only.” 

(Luke 4:5-8 HCSB)

It will happen in a moment of time.  We will feel the bodily realities of time in this life telling us "you only live once!!!  So get your kingdom and get it now in this moment before it's too late!"  This is the temptation of sin telling us to grab at our earthly wants and desires for the kingdom that we are told will be given to us if we do.  No wonder so many people are stressed out!  Everyone is frantically trying to get what they can because that's all they think about.  That's all they feel.  Time is not waiting so neither should you.  

Unless.  Unless you want the kingdom of God.  In which case time can come and go all it wants, because the kingdom of God is over and above time.  It is eternal.  God's kingdom is not about what you build, it's about what God builds.  God's kingdom is not about glorifying you, but about glorifying God.  If you don't want to glorify God you won't want God's kingdom, otherwise known as "heaven."  

Consider this:  right now, as we are living in these mortal bodies, especially if you can start seeing the effects of age cramping your style, what would be the most loving thing for God to do in order that we remain in the truth of God's kingdom versus the kingdom of (insert your name here)?  Clearly if your kingdom is enough, that being the one that's aging and decaying, then carry on!  Keep grabbing at what you can while you can! 

Because time is indeed running out!  We will all meet death because of time, this is true.  If you think you will not die then try holding your breath for......ever.  It will begin to hurt because your body needs air to live.  Air, by the way, with which you cannot make, all you do is enjoy it.  (But I won't get into that).  

"Rejoice, young man, while you are young, and let your heart be glad in the days of your youth. And walk in the ways of your heart and in the sight of your eyes; but know that for all of these things God will bring you to judgment." (Ecclesiastes 11:9)

You can be like the best of the best in this life!  If that's enough for then so be it!  No one can stop you from what you think is the best, but consider this:

"I increased my achievements. I built houses and planted vineyards for myself. I made gardens and parks for myself and planted every kind of fruit tree in them. I constructed reservoirs of water for myself from which to irrigate a grove of flourishing trees. I acquired male and female servants and had slaves who were born in my house. I also owned many herds of cattle and flocks, more than all who were before me in Jerusalem. I also amassed silver and gold for myself, and the treasure of kings and provinces. I gathered male and female singers for myself, and many concubines, the delights of men. So I became great and surpassed all who were before me in Jerusalem; my wisdom also remained with me. All that my eyes desired, I did not deny them. I did not refuse myself any pleasure, for I took pleasure in all my struggles. This was my reward for all my struggles. When I considered all that I had accomplished and what I had labored to achieve, I found everything to be futile and a pursuit of the wind. There was nothing to be gained under the sun. (Ecclesiastes 2:4-11 HCSB)

Because in the end whether rich or poor, smart or dumb, beautiful or ugly, death came regardless.  And when death comes none of these things will matter, even if you want to think that they will.  That's called wishful thinking.  Or gambling a very foolish amount based on your feelings.  

Now consider the kingdom of God, which is not based on feelings (which is both the good and difficult part about it), but based on God's word given to us through the Holy Spirit. 

If the chief end of your desires is for the glory of yourself and the kingdom you are trying so hard to build and maintain, then you will not be able to dwell in the kingdom of God.  

Of course no one, from the outset, would say "I want to be my own god!" Or "I prefer my kingdom over God's!"  No one would say or even really notice that because it sounds so foolish.  But when we pinpoint our idols and the things in our lives that are not for God's glory (even something as harmless as sleeping)  we can trace the root of that to an idol, an idol that we have been serving and giving glory to through our service of time, money, and thoughts, rather than to God.  And God will not live in a kingdom where His glory is shared with an idol.  Would you marry someone who wanted a couple of other spouses on the side?  Even if just one other than you?  

Maybe you wouldn't mind.  But is that what you would passionately desire?  God is passionate about His love for you and he does not want to share you with any other idol.  

Know your idols in order that you can seek the Spirit of God to help you stop serving them.  We can try and try to stop serving our idols of laziness or greed, vanity or gluttony of lusts, but our attempts will be weak and meager without the power of God.  You don't have to do this alone, and you won't be able to do this alone.  This is about giving God all the glory.  And God is glorified when He is the one who helps us change from being stuck in time to becoming coheirs of His kingdom that rules over time.   Ask God for his help.  

Pinpoint your idols and ask God for His help.  If you want to change into someone who will love heaven, it means changing into someone who lives to give God all the glory and praise!  That will be heaven.  Otherwise, even if you do somehow get to heaven after your time on earth runs out, you might find that it will be an eternity of displeasure on your part, all by yourself.  

The good news is that God saved us from that displeasure by giving us His Son through whom we are transformed by to be who God created us to be: His children.  Without the Son we would not have the Spirit.  Without the Spirit we are on our own.  On our own....we are grabbers in a fading and decaying humanity. 

Good news!  Believe in the Lord Jesus Christ and be renewed day by day.  May hope and joy abound in you and in me. 

Jmegrey

Start Here

Have you ever asked yourself : "Where do I start?"

"but the Lord takes pleasure in those who fear him, in those who hope in his steadfast love."

(Psalm 147:11 ESV)

(The verse right before said that he doesn't take delight in strength or the legs of man) 

It's not about what you can do, but about what compels you to do anything at all.  The action is only as alive as the motive. In other words faith and work go hand in hand like two sides of a coin.  

The thing about faith is that it is unconditional.  For a day to be unconditional does not mean that there will be no conditions of the day.  Every day and every person constantly has conditions going on.  The condition of your situation, the condition of your health, the condition of your attitude, the condition of your physicality, the condition of your pay, the condition of your relationship with someone, and so forth.  So clearly it is about being in the midst of contrasting or uncomfortable conditions. 

There are millions of conditions going on, so clearly for faith to be unconditional does not mean that you wait to have faith on a day when there are no conditions.  That wouldn't be faith, that'd be convenient.   

Now, I know many of us know this already, but oftentimes we baffle ourselves at the difficulty we face when trying to have faith.  We think "why can't I just have faith?"  or "I have faith, but it's not working."  When we ask why we can't have faith or why faith isn't working we are implying that we expect a condition for faith to prove itself as faith.  Faith cannot be based on a result nor can it be produced because of something.  It is a free standing action that is based entirely on a hope of something unseen for a very, very long time.  It is about Process, not Perfection. 

Process. 

In short, faith is a risky leap into the unknown, but it is also the ground on which God desires us to tread on in order that He show us just how loving and and good He is.  He wants to fill us with an inexplicable joy in a process of our being molded into His perfection.  Becoming like Christ is essentially becoming like God....and if you know yourself well enough you know that that's a far and wide chasm from where you are right now. 

Jesus said that if you have faith the size of a mustard seed (o <--- smaller than that) then you can tell a mountain to get up and throw itself into the ocean.  I mean, will the mountain grow stump legs?  Will it sort of slide into the ocean?  Will it hover toward the oceans and plop down?  I don't know.  Why?  Because I've never been able to make a mountain hear my command and follow it.  My faith is yet just a microscopic shadow of an atom.  But don't let the process fool you.  It's not that you're failing, it's just that you probably were farther from His character and image than you actually thought.  He knows.  He walks us through it. 

So where do we begin in starting to have more faith?  

Let go of what you define as progress and keep your eyes on Jesus.  

In other words, let the beauty of the gospel keep you in moments of failure and hardship, to know that you stand before God fully perfected and sinless because Jesus gave us His perfection, and by the Spirit we are free.  

"There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death."

(Romans 8:1-2 ESV)

By the body we remain with sin, but God is training our characters to be a soul who would love and enjoy Him forever.  It's good that we are in, we are His, now we are walking by the Spirit as we work out our salvation in fear and trembling among others, in our bodies. 

What comes to mind when you hear the words, "will you have faith in this?"

If you start to think "I need to do this or I must do that" ask yourself why?  Because you want to be stronger or because Christ finished the need to be strong enough to lay His entire life down. You don't have to be strong enough.  You can't be strong enough.  You fail at being strong.  And that's freeing to realize!  We are weak, but He is strong. How strong is He?  If I fail does that mean He failed?  Failed in what?  You getting something you wanted?  You growing?  You healing?  You maturing?  The purpose of not failing is not about the body or this life.  It's about God and knowing Him.  We step out in faith during a difficult or any situation that might call for faith in a God to show us that He's God, but the motivation is not for our convenience, it will be God leading us into awe of Him.  We fail and fail and fail, and then one day when all seems hopeless and we are graced to muster a small drop of faith and glory rains down!  

"Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable — if there is any moral excellence and if there is any praise — dwell on these things. (Philippians 4:8 HCSB)

Dwell.  

It's easy to dwell on the negative because we are broken sinners that are only capable of producing broken things. We need a Savior and a King to rule over us for the sake of being brought into a whole kingdom where our brokenness is repaired, not by ourselves, but by God. 

Dwell on things that you wouldn't normally think.  Dwell on the good, the praiseworthy, the honorable, the true, the lovely and such things.  Dwell on these thoughts, and when your negativity comes in to kick the good thoughts out, recognize that your thinking is messed up.  

Why?  Because you're messed up.  And so am I.  We all are!  No one is exempt from needing help from God.  

Not even one. (Romans 3:10)

As you begin to dwell on the things that are not innately of yourself, the true, the lovely, the noble, and the right, then allow God to be all of that which you will never be on your own. 

Start with thinking.

It's a process not perfection.

Think thoughts that are of God, and do so by knowing what God says.  His word is truth, and it is a sword which He gives us to have not because He needs defending but because we need His felt presence for when our lives face anything that is not 

whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable — 

God will be God and have His way, it is our participation in His Plan that He grants us because Jesus paid the price for our admission, that part is finished.  Now the Holy Spirit leads us to cry "Abba Father!"  In other words,  "it's really You God!  You're really my Father!" 

When you start to have a thought that is not of the above, recognize that this is when you pick up the sword, which is the Word of God.  You can't hold something you don't have. If you don't know God's word, the sword will not be there.  You could go to a friend and ask them for help, but nothing is as assuring as wielding your weapon against the enemy.   

Think about what your thoughts have been dwelling on. 

I need to dwell on His truth.  And the only way I can do that is to know what His truth is.  

Open His Word and sharpen your sword. 

The process will requiring slaying until we are good and ready in our souls to behold the beauty and glory of God in deep awe. 

Heaven isn't just a place we have a ticket to, it's a receptivity of His glory.  Faith makes us more and more receptive.  

Even There.

Boredom

I once heard a Pastor say that the most dangerous moments in life come when a man (or woman) is either Tired, Hungry, or Bored.  (By "dangerous" I think he was referring to when temptations to sin are at their highest)

Being bored is scary because it starts to make you think about things.  Things you don't want to be thinking about or acknowledging.  I wish that I could say that as a Christian I never get bored or that I never have the prior bubbling anxiety and fear of the boredom that feels like it's just around the corner ready to eat me up inside.  But it is.  More so in the form of the latter than the actual residence of boredom.  I hate knowing that I might not be passionate or even just preoccupied, mentally, about the next activity or the next couple of minutes.  I also know that it's my laziness that teams up with boredom produce baby fears, insecurities, doubts, and apathetic thoughts.

I get afraid that I will still be mundane in the head and in my heart.
This tells me that I love meaning and purpose, even if that isn't the first form my thoughts take.


Psalm 139:10

"even there Your hand will lead me;
Your right hand will hold on to me."

"Even there..."  Even in boredom?  Yes, even There.
Seeing God in every minute makes it endurable, albeit not much easier, to let boredom, or feeling that boredom might be around the next hour, to be OK.  What will happen when boredom hits?  Well, from my knowledge I know that boredom, by definition, sucks because it means nothingness.  Or perhaps to be more accurate it means not doing what I want to do when I want to do it and how I want what I do to turn out.  Haha.  If you didn't follow that I could tone it down and say that it simply means fearing the unknown.  Not having a plan or an agenda, a meeting or a friend at the moment, but just sitting with yourself in what you have no idea about can feel very unappealing.  It can feel unmeaningful or unproductive, and we all want to be living life with a cause (whether that cause is for the glory of God or for the non-christian, a cause of just being happy as best as one can be in each moment.)

We need one another for all the different times in our lives when being on our own is more difficult than we can handle on our own, but how can we reach out for help when another obstacle is in our way of reaching out?  Pride.  Nobody wants to be the vulnerable creature with pain written all over their skin like a snow spotted ugly leper.  So then we are walking around as lepers, unwilling to ask for help, yet slowly decaying without it.  The truth is that we need help, because on our own it is much too heavy a job to lift with our own hands, as much as we'd like to be able to and to not require anything else BUT ourselves, this tells me I don't like being in debt, which tells me I don't like owing to someone, because this means I was without something I needed.  This really boils down to a deep desire of wanting to be whole.  Complete.  How can I let God lead me in boredom if I will not first accept that I am incomplete?

Hebrews 8:12

"For I will be merciful to their wrongdoing,
and I will never again remember their sins."

Coming to acceptance of my actual problem, or letting go of the ignorance that kept me from becoming desperate, is pried from my prideful cold hands by the gospel that the very thing I want most-- to be whole-- is freely given to me through Jesus.  Not only is my complete wholeness free for me, but that which made me broken and fearful is never to be remembered by the One who gives me wholeness.  I may remember everything that slowly killed me, but God does not.  So when the moment arises that I recall all of my shortcomings and failures, I must not fail in recalling that He has made me new.  That God has given me whole perfectness, without sin--this is the best gift, but also that He has forgotten all of my sin as it also would mean to remember His Son's suffering.  So while we remember for the sake of our pride to drop, God does not in order that we also hope in being free from even the memory of such things on earth.  One day, when I die, I will not remember any of my failures or fears or pain.  

Hebrews 8:13

"By saying, a new covenant, He has declared that the first is old. And what is old and aging is about to disappear."

This is the most tangible evidence we can see, touch, feel, and know--that we are aging.  We are all getting older every year, and we see children grow up and become lankier or balder, and the elderly get crepe-like and enclosed in coffins.  Most of us have probably been to a funeral.  It is the one thing that we all know is coming upon us yet  that most of us refuse to take into consideration when making daily decisions, understandably so.  Who wants to think about dying or death all the time?  It carries a very negative connotation, to die is to no longer live, albeit how many people are depressed and would like death to come--even this is known to the person to be a negative or bad thing to feel.  

If someone were to say to me: "I want to die, very much so."  I would think, okay you need help, something is wrong and you need a dose of joy or companionship in your life.  Because wanting to die, or wanting death, motivated by one's own misery, is one thing (a bad thing, if that isn't obvious, and that person should seek out help), but wanting to die when death comes, motivated by wanting the promise of life with God forever is entirely different.  The former is a state of sickness while the latter makes all daily living to be one of preparation.  Preparation through good days and preparation through bad days.  Preparation through busy days and preparation through Boring days.  Every day becomes a day of preparation for what is to be had at the end and for all eternity--togetherness with God.  

I had never really considered that being with God would call for preparation until I thought about boredom.  Boredom is to be inactive, uneventful, and dispassionate.  It is to literally having nothing to do that you WANT to do.  

In order to enjoy the presence and glory of God we must be a kind of people that will first and foremost WANT God.  

Being bored or fearing boredom on earth and in my life is an opportunity for me to fine tune my heart's desires.  What do I want today?  It is prayerfully confessing anything in my heart that I have treasured more than God, which is exposed when I do not get those things that lead to thinking "I will be bored then" or "I'm bored."  The truth of all this is that there are probably a number of things we still treasure more than God, and that is why each day is preparation for us to be the kind of people who will, upon leaving our old aging bodies behind, be welcomed into the presence of God with hearts most eager to behold Him, most eager to praise Him, and most eager to be with Him forever.

Ecclesiastes 7:14

" In the day of prosperity be joyful, and in the day of adversity consider: God has made the one as well as the other, so that man may not find out anything that will be after him"

So there it is.  The truth that is inescapable.  The truth that God is before all things, after all things, and in all things.  When good days happen it is good to be joyful!  Now, when bad days happen, or you have a fear of bad days (or a fear of being bored), the biblical sage says to consider:  God has made the one as well as the other.  In other words God has made every day, whether you feel one is good and the other is bad, they are both made by God.  He does not make one day and leave others to be made by Satan.  No, because only God can create.  Satan cannot make a day, neither can any created thing create a day.  God is the only one capable of making a day.  Prosperity and adversity are both given by God for our understanding.  Understanding, here, is specified.  It says "so that man may not find out anything that will be after him"--meaning God has made both joy and adversity to prepare every person to understand that God is in all things.  God is found in joy and in adversity.  God is in everything.  If you try to ignore God or deny that He is there, then you will hit wall after wall of confusion.  God purposefully, meaningfully graces us with both days of joy and days of adversity in order that we see Him more fully no matter what the day be like.  Notice that this is not to say that God is Joy or God is Adversity, and neither is it to say that we should always be joyful or always face adversities, but the point is that we have God.  It is preparing to prefer God over Joy and to know God through joyless days.  In case anyone deceives themselves into thinking they want God when they really just want Joy.  Not that knowing God is not a joyful relationship, but it is like two lovers holding onto one another in the midst of a storm.  Their love is solidified because of their trials together, and not because everything seems to be working out for them.  It is love for one another over a disguise of love because of one's own comfort.  Heaven will be about getting God, not getting comfort, even though comfort will be a part of getting God it cannot take precedence over God.  Does that make sense?  I mean, it does and it doesn't if you don't want to think deeply about the truth.  Sometimes my brain hurts after I write, but it's probably what child bearing will be like.  Painful but worth it.  

Psalm 139:16

"Your eyes saw me when I was formless;
all my days were written in Your book and planned
before a single one of them began."

To close this post I wanted to remind you of who God is and who we are as His creation.  To ease the bad days and enhance the good ones, Psalm 139:16 is there to address the God who stands behind all things, past all things, and in all things including all the days that will make up your life here.  Today was planned and already seen by God.  If it was a good day, rejoice in it because God had planned it out to be so, and if it is or was a bad day then consider that God had planned this out for you out of His love for you.  It is painful, but God intended to use it as part of the good and perfect plan He has for which you are being welcomed in to.  Before tomorrow will begin, know that it has already been planned out by God.  How you choose to walk in that plan is now up to you.  Today is God's plan for you, for me.  What's going on?  Is it a of joy or a day of adversity?  Is it busy or uneventful?  And then consider why God has planned this day the way it is, and walk in His plan.

Jmegrey.

The Gospel

The gospel gets old.  

The message of the good news about my condition becomes a distant whisper that easily vanishes from the more resounding noises I hear when I neglect to listen to the only truth that matters.

The gospel, in itself, never changes, but the way I understand it does.  

When something is cooking in the kitchen and I am in the room upstairs as the scents wafts in I can notice a difference.  However, soon enough, I grow subtly accustomed to the aroma and it sort of disappears.  Of course, the food and my nose have not changed, but the contrast is no longer as noticeable which makes the scent less noticeable.  I might step out for a few hours, and after having left the house I return I get that almost shocking blow to my senses that the house does indeed smell like what was cooking.  Prior to leaving the house it was unnnoticeable, but upon returning it hits me all over again.  

Why is that?  I might think that it was something to do with the chemical reactions that made the scent grow stronger or insist that someone cooked again (when they hadn't), but anyone who heard this would know that was dumb.  It's because I had gotten used to the smell and so when I left and came back it was once again stronger from having been away from it. 

The chemicals didn't change, I changed. I left the house.  

The gospel gets old not because it actually gets old.  The gospel gets old because I get used to it.

Now before you think this means we need to leave the gospel in order for it to be fresh again, let me stop you from making such a ridiculous assumption.  Because as we all know it is not the gospel that needs changing...it is us. It is our position to the gospel.

The thing about letting go is the painful waiting that follows.  However, the most beautiful and life transforming thing about God is how He delivers after our waiting. If we never waited we wouldn't be as blown away by His deliverance.  

I had about 15 minutes straight of excruciating cramps in my lower abdomen.  I was dying, I mean, that's what it felt like.  It was so awful I couldn't lie down in a position that would help even just a little.  Whatever way I was I was in pain. I couldn't speak above a whimper and I was out of breath from the tension that came from my exasperation of clutching myself.  It was so uncomfortable and the only hope I had was the fact that this must and had to be temporary (because I experience it once a month).  As I took two midol and just writhed in my bed, I thankfully drifted away and when I woke up the pain was gone.  But what wasn't gone was the fresh memory of the pain only moments earlier.  I remembered it clearly and the more I thought about it the more I relished the state I was now in: pain free. I thought about how funny it is that most days I am pain free, but right now this pain free moment was unlike the other days because it was a reminder that I was once suffering in such a way that I was immobile and could only hold on to the hope that it would soon pass.  

This pain free moment was glorious because of the contrast I had that was fresh in my memory.

The gospel does not get old, we just forget where we are.  We change. 

The gospel is good news.  We have all heard it before, that Jesus died for our sins and resurrected from the dead and now we can go to heaven for free if we believe in Him.  That sounds so watered down because it is!  The gospel is not that we get to go to heaven.  That is definitely part of the gospel, but the part of the gospel that hits us in the face is the part that contrasts what we have to where we were or what we didn't have. 

And do you know that this is also not a difficult thing to remember?  Why?  Because we sin every single day.  We go about our day and we complain...I complain to God that I don't "feel" anything for Him.  I even pray that He would give me passion and a desire for Him, but what I don't do is think about the way in which I have offended God just now, just even in that prayer.  As if I've done all I could do and now God is to blame for my lack luster faith.  Part of the reason I don't like to think about my offenses or my sins on a deeper level than the surface is because first, I feel helpless to change (which I am on my own), and two, because I hate guilt and feeling guilty.  In other words, I feel weak and wretched.  But I want to feel strong and confident!  So then, when I feel weak and wretched who becomes strong and confident?  And when I feel strong and confident the contrast lessens and I am less capable of knowing that God is all that I am not.  This is when the gospel dulls in our spirit.  In my spirit.  This is when pain free days are just days and when the aroma filled house is just a house.  The gospel becomes just the gospel rather than the most incredibly good news to fill my heart with overwhelming love and gratefulness to God.  

He must become more as I become less.

This will always be true, so long as the gospel remains to be the good news. 

So the next time, maybe today, you feel that the gospel has become something you know but don't exult in, let that be a litmus test in who you are actually serving.  Are you reveling in making much of Him or do you revel in making much of yourself?  

For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. 

(Luke 12:34 HCSB)

If you think you need to sin in order to FEEL the gospel, you've got something else coming.  Sin is within our flesh and doesn't need our intention to be committed.  It is there.  

As for guilt, when it comes let it come, because it will come in order to call us to repentance.  Then repent and let the guilt go, but don't forget that it didn't just vanish, it was the gospel of Jesus that paid for it to be gone.  When we hold on to guilt we deny the gospel, and when we forget our guilt we deny the significance of the gospel.  

Let the constricting and self loathing part of guilt go, but keep the memory of it as a scar you left on the hands of Jesus.  He took it away and let that make the gospel good news that makes Jesus worthy of your praise and fall in love with Him.  He took your guilt and shame from every sin, and the moment we forget we need only to see the scars.  When sin happens, and it will, run to Jesus and beg Him to show you His scars again.   Fall in love with Him over and over again.  

It's painful to carry and feel your guilt and it's painful to carry and feel your weakness and powerlessness.  Both hurt.  

But only one utilizes the gospel and changes us.  

In this life there will be pain regardless of your position.  But it makes a huge difference when you know the pain is temporary.  Hope keeps us steadfast in pain.  Jesus is my only hope in life and the gospel is good news when I fail.   So I am less and less fearful of failing or being rejected or all the other painful things...because each of my painful moments reminds me of the gospel.  Where there is darkness there is light.  

Look at Jesus.

Jmegrey 

Needy Man

I'm running out of time before I get what's rightfully mine.

I have a desire that can't be denied.

No matter what this is what I need.

Oh needy man, oh needy man!

You need so much!

You need respect,

You need a touch.

You need love,

You need warmth, 

You need more than what it's worth!

Endless needs that you deny,

But behold your endless needy eye! 

You see, you want,

But cannot have,

And go about a needy man! 

Oh needy man, oh needy man!

And so time passes and the heart's greed hungers,

Salivating over leftover dreams as the hours grow longer. 

5, 10, and very soon 15 years have flown by,

Yet many needs of mine refuse to die.

Oh needy man, oh needy man!

You need so much!

You need respect,

You need a touch.

You need love,

You need warmth, 

You need more than what it's worth!

Endless needs that you deny,

But behold your endless needy eye! 

You see, you want,

But cannot have,

And go about a needy man! 

Oh needy man, oh needy man!

The once young dreams are all but faded,

As I come to grasp this life undulated.

My hopes and goals have narrowed down, and what is clear is now deeply sound. 

Oh needy man, oh needy man!

You need so much!

You need respect,

You need a touch.

You need love,

You need warmth, 

You need more than what it's worth!

Endless needs that you deny,

But behold your endless needy eye! 

You see, you want,

But cannot have,

And go about a needy man! 

Oh needy man, oh needy man!

I see the need is very deep.

So deep, in fact, it is unseen.  

No childhood dream or passion knows, but the need inside is my Spirit's glow. 

To know the God who made my soul, 

has, from the beginning, made me need His love in that gaping hole.  

-jmegrey 

All throughout the day

I'm in Seattle at the moment, and I'd like to share how incredibly easy it is to forget about God when your routine lifestyle suddenly goes out the window and you are placed in a new atmosphere.  Places, sights, and people become new and mysterious, and it is all but two seconds to do without the presence of God at the forefront of your senses.  Things, not God, take a more dominant loudness, but as always it is a matter of time before God's unchanging magnificence rules out over all that was once new and exciting.  God is so humble with His never ending glory.  He doesn't flaunt it, lure you, or try to falsely entice you.  

God needs no marketing because His love and Himself is the real truth carrying all beauty as it ebbs and flows through life, within His plan.  God is not a mystery to be chased, He's not a taste to be craved, He is not even a relationship to curb one's loneliness.  God is brighter than the Sun that is all around and everywhere, never out reach or sight.  

God is a fountain that flows without end, a source and sustenance that gives life itself.  

God is the one who loves like there's no telling.  No one can love like God does because no one can create another being to love, they can meet another but not create.  The way God loves is more than just a meeting that excites, it is being loved for every detail, and His love does not falter at our mistakes, but miraculously leads our mistakes into genuine and heart-opening confessions of being sorry.  

Oh man.  I can forget about a lot of things, and I get tired of trying to be good, but after all the thoughts and turnings that my heart puffs out, I seek God's unchanging character.  I seek, I find, I ask and I'm given, I knock and He opens the door.  Who but God is relentless about grace?  Who but God is unconditional in love? 

At the end of the day, heck, in the middle of the day, and at the very start...it has and always will be God who remains the same.  God is here, even when you don't remember Him. 

-a constant reminder of hope