Need: Clarity, Faith, Grace, and Love

“My eager expectation and hope is 

that I will not be ashamed about anything, 

(Pause and let that sink in....

to not be ashamed about anything)

but that now as always, 

with all boldness, 

Christ will be highly honored in my body, 

whether by life or by death.”

Philippians 1:20

It is Christ.  

Christ goes before us and 

Christ comes after us. 

Honor God by not staying in shame, 

Honor God in whatever circumstance you're in,

Honor God because He died to set you free. 

“Do nothing out of rivalry or conceit, 

but in humility 

consider others 

as more important than yourselves. 

Everyone should look out 

not only for his own interests, 

but also for the interests of others.”

Philippians 2:3-4

I need to practice this more with the Spirit's empowerment and with intentionality.  To let go of the fear and confusion that hinders me from this.  To let go of legality/law, and operate from grace in this area.  To serve in a Christ-honoring way.  To distinguish between feeling and obedience. 

“Make your own attitude that of Christ Jesus,

He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death — 

even to death on a cross.”

Philippians 2:5, 8

“For it is God who is working in you, enabling you both to desire and to work out His good purpose.”

Philippians 2:13

“Therefore, welcome him in the Lord 

with all joy and hold men like him in honor, 

because he came close to death 

for the work of Christ, 

risking his life 

to make up what was lacking in your ministry to me.”

Philippians 2:29-30

I am thankful for those who work hard to support the Body when I am not. 

I need:

Clarity

Faith

Grace

Love 

“More than that, I also consider everything to be a loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. 

Because of Him I have suffered the loss of all things and consider them filth, so that I may gain Christ”

Philippians 3:8

My one thing remains: Christ. 

“Brothers, I do not consider myself to have taken hold of it. 

But one thing I do: 

Forgetting what is behind 

and reaching forward to what is ahead, 

I pursue as my goal the prize 

promised by God’s heavenly call in Christ Jesus. 

Therefore, all who are mature 

should think this way. 

And if you think differently about anything, 

God will reveal this also to you. 

In any case, 

we should live up 

to whatever truth we have attained.”

Philippians 3:13-16

What we have today is what God has given us to proceed boldly--moving forward.  Forget what is behind that may cause shame and move forward with the grace and truth of the Christ. 

--

What does it mean to be an enemy of the cross of Christ?

“For I have often told you, 

and now say again with tears, 

that many live 

as enemies of the cross of Christ.”

Philippians 3:18 

Enemy: noun. someone hated or competed against

To live a life of someone who competes against the cross of Christ. 

How might we compete against the cross?

To live as if we are still in bondage.

To live as if we can still be in shame.

To live in such a way that we deny grace.

The question is, could I be living as an enemy of the cross of Christ?

“Their end is destruction; 

their god is their stomach; 

their glory is in their shame. 

They are focused on earthly things, 

but our citizenship is in heaven, 

from which we also eagerly wait for a Savior, 

the Lord Jesus Christ.”

Philippians 3:19-20

Help me Lord not to live as an enemy of the cross.  To not make my stomach my god or to glory in my shame.  To not focus on earthly things, but to fix my eyes on heaven--as my home. 

“He will transform the body of our humble condition into the likeness of His glorious body, by the power that enables Him to subject everything to Himself.”

Philippians 3:21

Boom. 

This condition may be ugly or unfitting in the world, but Christ can and will transform the ugly and unfit into the likeness of His glorious body, because He has been given that power to do so.  He will do so, and our part is to acknowledge that in the humility of our laying down--laying down our trying to not be ugly and unfit in this world. 

Meaning we may at points in our lives feel with intensity an ugliness or unfitting (attached to a feeling of being unlovable) sense of self, but remain in the Word that Christ will transform us into the likeness of His glorious body. 

“I rejoiced in the Lord greatly that once again you renewed your care for me. You were, in fact, concerned about me but lacked the opportunity to show it. I don’t say this out of need, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am.”

Philippians 4:10-11

My attitude and the attitude I should consider to be in my brothers and sisters is that of this here, where Paul writes that he is grateful for renewed support, but not because of need.  

"But lacked the opportunity to show it"

Possibly speaks of Paul considering the best of his brothers and sisters at all times, whether they were able to support or not. 

“The grace of the Lord Jesus Christ 

be with your spirit.”

Philippians 4:23

Clarity.

Faith.

Grace.

Love.

Amen. 

When your plans fail

I woke up from a really weird dream.  

In my dream it was Friday, the nights I do youth group, and on this particular youth night I wanted everyone to come together for a meeting.  We had just come back from hiking and everyone was really tired, but I had planned to have a meeting for reasons unknown to me when I woke up. 

In the dream everyone was procrastinating to come-even the teachers!  Nobody was getting up, or if they were they were slow tortuous movements conveying dissatisfaction for my having called a meeting.  But I went from room to room calling out and urging them to hurry up and come.  I didn't think it mattered whether or not they wanted to come, I had planned to gather together so gathering we were going to do. 

Finally, when no one was coming I was forced to give up, but I wouldn't show it, I was too laid-back and chill, I'm that girl, so I put on a happy face, and sat back with the rest of them while they all looked at me acceptingly.  But inside I was so hurt which also made me upset, but I didn't show it.  I played it cool.  Instead I decided that I was going to now cancel Friday nights because they didn't seem to be going well (based on one moment).  And a flood of "good reasons" washed up to the forefront of my thoughts that made that choice a "good" choice.  

However, I noticed deep down I waited and wanted people to be sad about that.  While I could be happy that I got my way (cancelling Friday Youth nights), something felt strange.  I had a bunch of "good reasons" for why canceling would be a "good thing" (such as me having more time for my school studying, replacement ideas for fellowship instead of this janky one, etc).  I felt the light and the dark in me.  I tried hard not to see the dark in me, and only the light, the good, but even as I knew the good I also knew it was foul because it wasn't pure light. 

I wanted revenge for the hurt I received when no one was getting up for the meeting I called.  Inside I felt...conflicted. I knew something was distorted in my thinking process, and I had better catch it before I did something stupid. 

I woke up from the dream and I ran the scene through my head again.  I felt off.  Examining the details more and the thoughts I found in myself that were not loving.  I focused in on the darkness more than the "good" parts.  

Here's what God revealed to me:  I had a plan and God had a plan, all I needed to do was recognize that God was saying "change of plans, no meeting." 

That's it.  

I could let God know I felt hurt, because He knows I don't understand everything right away, but who was I to try and force God's plans to obey mine?  That's just unreasonable. Haha I could understand that.  But I wasn't thinking about God or His plans being done in that moment.  I was thinking about my plan in that moment and how it wasn't getting done! 

In the dream I had a plan, the plan even seemed godly because it was for Friday night youth, but I didn't take into account that everyone was tired and probably not interested in meeting at that moment, or that God always sees more than me.  

Because I had a plan. 

I didn't show how hurt I was because that would just look stupid and immature.  I knew that much.

Yet playing it cool wasn't working either because I was passively still going to get my revenge for the hurt I felt.   

Both playing it "fine" and speaking up about my feelings led to nothing good as far as I could see.  Those two things are my usual tools for obedience to God, and this time they both seemed wrong.  So I was stuck.  

That why when I woke up I felt...weird.  

I knew I was wrong, too. 

I just didn't know what to do at that moment when the two things I usually do seemed to only lead to more sin.  In this situation those two tools would not work.  

I was at a loss for words, so I prayed.  

That's when I started to gain understanding. 

God's plan should always override my plans because His plan is always perfect.  He was showing me that through the dream. 

"Many are the plans 

in the mind of a man, 

but it is the purpose of the LORD 

that will stand."

-Proverbs 19:21

When our plans don't seem to be working, realize that God's plan is always working.  

But when we forget that, I repeat, 

WHEN WE FORGET THAT GOD's PLAN ALWAYS WORKING, we start to hurt and get angry inside when the plan we had is not going according to plan! 

How do we know when we are walking in our plan and when we are walking in God's plan?

Great question, and my reply is to look at Proverbs 19:21, Jeremiah 29:11, and Luke 12:32.  Many passages in Scripture remind us that Our Father who is in Heaven, hallowed be His Name, His Kingdom come, HIS WILL BE DONE, on earth as it is in Heaven.  

His will is unstoppable.  And as believers we rest in that truth when our plans appear to be failing.  Instead of throwing a fit inside or doing something passive aggressively to make up for what you lost, stop in your tracks and pray that God would search your heart and reveal the offensive ways in you in order to lead you out of them.  Because as I said earlier, once I realized that maybe it was God's plan not to have a meeting despite my plans for wanting one, I would never want to find myself in opposition to God's plans!  But in that moment that wasn't what I was seeing.  I had to stop and pray for that to be shown to me with all the emotions and thoughts crowding my reasoning.  

For me, God's plan should always override my plans.  Because He is good, and it is my Father's good pleasure to give me the highest order of goodness and love.  So to go up against that is just plain unreasonable. 

He is perfect in all of His ways.  

Let His plans override yours, 

and be in His perfect plan today. 

Jmegrey

He loves you in your shame.

The thing about life in time is that it doesn't wait for you to get your crap together...it just keeps happening.  When the soul is hurting the body must still continue doing what it does like work, school, and getting out of bed.  Otherwise, the weight of the world will crush your soul even more and you will find the problems only increasing when you try to demand that life in time stop just for you.  It will not stop unless God makes the sun stand still for you.  He has done it once, but I wouldn't count on that being a normal thing haha. 

Soul care happens while life continues the way it does.  Perhaps we might have the chance to let go of some things to make more space for caring for the soul, but for the most part we suffer daily on the inside and it happens while we need to work, eat a taco, go to the bathroom or sit in a class.  It's like laughing and crying at the same time.  

I feel like I could cry right now, but I know my body needs rest in order to wake up and go to class tomorrow.  I wish I could press pause and collect myself and sort through my thoughts--make it all tidy and organized inside so that outside will also be good...but it's not going to happen.  I'm going to have a lot of mess inside, and that's been hard to face.  I like things clean and organized otherwise I consider it "bad," but the gospel is that we are simultaneously bad and good--sinner and saved.  

So I am bad, but I'm also good.  However, I tend to operate more from being bad rather than from being good.  I end up trying to prove myself, fix myself, or figure myself out rather than believing that I am good enough.  The shame in me, that tells me I am bad, is what makes me so afraid to take risks and feel okay inside.  I don't want to be bad, I want to be good.  I want to believe that I am good and that there is nothing I need to do to earn or maintain it.  I want to be free in the blood shed for me by the Son.   But I'm still operating from my shame.  I still feel how bad I am, and though that helps disengage me from judging others, it puts me in a tar pit by myself.  

I feel it in the smallest moments.  When I fail at doing something well I am shamed, when I sing badly I am shamed, when I quit something I am shamed, when I gain weight or have a pimple I am shamed, when I get a bad grade I am shamed, when I make a mistake or offend someone I am shamed....and the shame is painful.  It's not just what I've done but it's who I am.  Otherwise why would it affect me so much unless it hit the very core part of me...the most vulnerable part of me is the real me.  If the real me is bad then that is painful.  

But the real me is also good, and it's been hard to grasp that.  I know the gospel in my head, but it penetrates my heart like small pin pricks.  Shame is in my heart and it hinders me from receiving the love I so badly want and need.  It's hard to actively believe that I am good enough to be loved as I am when I feel that I am not good.  

So I've been seeking out more truth, and things appear to get worse before they get better...and I doubt if what I'm doing is actually working.  Then I realize that the best I can do is only what I know to be the best I can do.  I am doing the best I can.  I cannot do any better than my best.  So, I continue....and I notice moments of change.  Small moments, but big in my context.  I'm more brave, more loving, and slightly freer.  Those gospel pin pricks are like moments of search and rescue for my lost and hurting soul. 

It's painful.  Pain, pain, pain.  But one moment of real love makes it all worth it.  

To be loved as me.  The real me.  

More and more I believe in being honest and speaking the truth in love.  Be honest and speak the truth in love.  For me that has been revealing my shame (the things about me that I am not proud of), being vulnerable, and getting hurt in the process.  

But if the real you is loved it is worth it to go through all that pain.  

The gospel is that the real you is loved.  

Believe it and walk in it.  

Jmegrey 

When to let go and when to take more

When you're overwhelmed, 

God is ready to take over for you.  

When you can handle it, 

God is ready to hand you more. 

This relationship with God is not about comfort or easiness, it's about growing stronger and more in love with Him.  We are being trained everyday to be citizens worthy of what Jesus died to give us: The Kingdom of God.   

Eyes on the prize.

See a potentially overwhelming responsibility:

“Therefore, when Jesus looked up and noticed a huge crowd coming toward Him, He asked Philip, 

Be convicted by God:

“Where will we buy bread so these people can eat? ” 

Know His heart:

He asked this to test him, for He Himself knew what He was going to do.”

John 6:5-6

Every moment I catch myself asking God "what the?! How am I supposed to......why God?!"

I think of this moment when Jesus pointed out the huge crowds to Philip and asked him, 

"So, what are you going to do about this?" 

Haha. 

My initial response would be: 

"I'm going to freak out, cry and hide."

or if I'm feeling pretty confident I might think 

"I'm going to take care of it with all I have!"

But both of those responses won't do, because Jesus doesn't ask me for the response, but as an invitation. 

Be drawn to His presence today.  

He has invited us into life with Him.  

What you see is there, but what He wants to show you is about to be revealed.  

Stay close to His heart.  He is faithful.  

He is for you. 

Jmegrey