Pleasure War

Blood boiling, heat rising

I can feel the tension pulling

Forward then backward, compromising 

Faith and flesh violently colliding.

In the moment I am feeling,

But deeper still I am hearing,

A voice inside tells me to leave now,

But my body bends to an idol to bow.

The war within my mind is quick,

Choosing is slow, yet it will stick--

To my soul and in my heart, 

God alone, with me, can embark.

On this redeeming road to death,

I face the blow of His mighty breath.

Here is pleasure, here is real pain.

Here is loss, and here is real gain. 

My heart will stir and conceal,

But God's Word will always reveal--

The two at odds that live in me,

Making me strain or helping me see

That God is He who fights for me

The battle won by a bloody victory, 

I'm free. 

Here is what I do to believe,

That this pleasure war is without heave

Quiet my mind, read the Word--

Let truth be spoken and be heard.

Though I fall it is He who redeems,

And when I obey it is He who beams,

One for grace and one for faith, 

Bringing my Savior closer today. 

Jmegrey

Walking by the Spirit

"For the flesh desires what is against the Spirit, 

and the Spirit desires what is against the flesh; 

these are opposed to each other, 

so that you don't do what you want."

Galatians 5:17

Last night I stayed up til 4 in the morning wide awake with my thoughts.  I was watching episodes of Glee when the cast moves to NYC, and I just could not fall asleep.  Naturally, as I watched these characters living their lives in New York I couldn't help but wonder what I had done in my 20s now that it was coming to an end.  It dawned on me, because all of a sudden I heard flashback memories from when I was 21, 25, 27, and now 29 where I thought to myself that I was too old at each of those ages.  

However, now that I look back 21 was young!  25 was young! And even 27 was young!  So although I feel old being 29 and socially behind on what culture deems as what a person my age should have accomplished by now--I realized that if I'm not satisfied with my age as it is now, I will never be satisfied with it in the future because not only do I continue getting older, but I miss out on relishing what I am right now.  I miss out on being 29 as a great age and perfect for me because it is me. 

So, I wanted to change the way I viewed my age in order to have the confidence and ambition to accomplish what I wanted. 

Then another thought dawned on me.  What do I want?  What do I want to do in life?  The question is so strange because it sounds so important (it's my life!) yet it also sounds unimportant because life is what it has always been--uncertain, unpredictable, and never guaranteed--life.  This means that life is always going to be what it is--and it is never something we can control.  So although the question is important it doesn't exactly provide answers that entail for us to go a certain way or do a certain thing--it just sort of points in a general direction and the rest is--life.  

So as I thought about what I wanted to do in life with my soon-to-be graduate degree in theology--I found myself a bit lost and confused.  I don't want to be a pastor, I can't pay the bills as an aspiring writer, and children's ministry sounds horrific for me.  Most church jobs either fall in the category of pastor, children's director, or worship leader--all of which I do not want to do.  Then I panicked a little inside.

What could I do with a freaking theology degree? 

What was going to be worth living for in my life?  What would get me out of bed and into the gym, eating healthy, cultivating relationships, styling my hair, and living life?  What could I be living for? 

That's when the Word gently reminded me that to live is to die in Christ, which is gain.  

Philippians 1:21

For me, living is Christ and dying is gain.

I chewed on that passage for a bit.  Immediately it made me think that this life had to be lived in such a way that looked like I died--so that I did nothing I wanted to and sort of went around reading my bible and praying and speaking Christianese to people.  All of that is not bad--unless on the inside I'm dying in my spirit or rather in my actual love for God.  So I started writing about it this morning and I felt led to the passage in Galatians about how what the Spirit in us wants is always contrary to what the flesh wants. 

I think people tend to look at that verse and think that it means we then must do what we don't want to do, and that is considered our attempting to walk in the Spirit.  

So when we don't want to clean the church, spend money on evangelizing a friend, or go to small groups during midweek, but we go anyway because we don't want to do it--that's what makes it the "right" thing.  

The reason why that can't be what God is saying is because all throughout the bible we hear of Christ as gain or the gospel as "good news" so there must be two competing joys involved.  In other words, there is the desire of the flesh and the desire of the Spirit.

This means that we want something that brings us pleasure in the flesh and then we also want something that brings us joy in the Spirit! 

These two things are in us so that we are not merely choosing one because we don't want it, that would be a miserable way to look at life! 

Hi, I'm Jamie and whatever I don't want to do I do that.  Who would look at my life and want to be a Christian then?   

We completely downplay or fail to grasp the other desire as the reason for why we choose to do what we do.  We look at the Spirit as dictator and not lover. 

“He satisfies you with goodness; 

your youth is renewed like the eagle.

Praise the Lord, 

all His works in all the places where He rules. My soul, praise Yahweh!”

Psalms 103:5, 22

When we walk by the Spirit it does not mean primarily that we do whatever we don't want to do.  It primarily means we do what we love most to do! 

We do what satisfies our lives with goodness, and not just the kind that Christian tradition says are good but a personal sensation of goodness that makes you feel like you're 17 again!  We do what gives our innermost deepest and real being a sense of "wow!"  We live by the joy of the Spirit when we choose to not live by the pleasures of the flesh!  There is something extremely joyful for us about doing what the Spirit wants.  

So let's look at that verse again, because if we do not grasp what it means to walk by the Spirit then the enemy will have us live miserable lives where we plaster on fake smiles and go by "Christian morality" checklists all our lives without ever truly tasting the goodness of God for ourselves.  We simply won't last.  We were made for love and our senses for worship.  If we do not love and worship God from the inside, then all the outside appearance of worship will destroy us on the inside.  

"For the flesh desires what is against the Spirit, 

and the Spirit desires what is against the flesh; 

these are opposed to each other, 

so that you don't do what you want."

Galatians 5:17

What we want could be our flesh or it could be our Spirit, but we don't just do the "right" thing because it's what we don't want.  That's extremely offensive to God's nature and character.  We offend the goodness of God when we cultivate a mindset that we do something because we don't want to do it.  Rather this passage reveals that Paul says when we begin to live by the Spirit there will be a part of us that will not like it, but that part is not nearly as big as the part of us that loves it! 

Sigh.  I know most of us are probably not there because it means we lose our boasting to say that we did it.  We didn't want to do it, but we did it anyway and good job for us! 

Or maybe we realize that we might feel uncomfortable doing something we love to do because we might feel guilty for enjoying God in this life! 

Whatever your reason may be, consider carefully what you do today and why?  

Is it because you're afraid to anger the Dictator Spirit?

Or do you do what only fills you with the love of the Father?  

Live as His Beloved today, 

and you will be walking by the Spirit.

Will some people criticize you or tell you that what you're doing is wrong?

Definitely. 

So you must know the truth for yourself, in your heart of hearts, why you do what you do today.  And be loved by our Heavenly Father.  

Jmegrey 

Remain in His Kindness (or else!)

Think about God's kindness and His severity.

When we think about God we must remember that He is more than meets the eye, and more than meets our expectations.  We must not define or take God the way we want to otherwise we do not take God at all. 

If someone loves the part about me that is funny but not the part about me that likes to talk about deep matters then they do not love me.  They love something about me that serves their fancy, but they do not love me, and if they said they did I would find that absurd since I am clearly being divided up for their preferences.  

They may enjoy parts about me more than others, but to love me means to love all of me or none of me.  You cannot love half a person or even 99% of a person because to love someone is to take all of them as a whole person.  Love is not about what you want to pick and choose, it's about a complete takeover.  A full laying down of one's own life for the sake of the other--that is love. 

So when we say that we love God we must be careful that we are not taking parts about God that we like and leaving out others and then declaring that as love.  Consider God's kindness and severity.  God is amazing, yes, the gospel is emotionally heart-wrenching when we consider His grace in the midst of our sins, but we must not become arrogant for what we were given.  We must be afraid. 

By faith we were gifted this new life, it was free and it took ALL our guilt and shame away, and so in the same way by lack of faith we can lose it.  We must remember to remain in His kindness.  For God is not just kind, but He is also severe.  Free means free, and if you decide by your own fancy that you want to somehow earn what God said is free you will find yourself facing His severity.  

God brought you in and He can also take you out.  Likewise, God has cut off those who did not believe, but if they come to believe by faith He can bring them back in because He alone has the power to do so.  He brought you in by faith, and He is serious about what He said when He said "It is finished."  To live in such a way to forget that truth is to put yourself in a place of defying God's kindness.  To defy God in even the smallest way is to meet with His severity.  There are consequences to our knowing God.  We either love Him or we do not.  

“True enough; 

they were broken off by unbelief, 

but you stand by faith. 

Do not be arrogant, but be afraid. 

For if God did not spare the natural branches, 

He will not spare you either. 

Therefore, consider 

God’s kindness and severity: 

severity toward those who have fallen 

but God’s kindness toward you — 

if you remain in His kindness. 

Otherwise you too will be cut off. 

And even they, 

if they do not remain in unbelief, 

will be grafted in, 

because God has the power 

to graft them in again.”

Romans 11:20-23

What have we been given by faith?  Where do we stand now?  Let us remain standing in His kindness with fear in our hearts that He has brought us in with nothing on our part to make us worthy, and He is serious about that.  To follow Jesus is to realize that we are no longer searching for our worth or value.  We have it in full because by faith we put on Christ--the most worthy to be praised!  

“Oh, the depth of the riches 

both of the wisdom and the knowledge of God! 

How unsearchable His judgments 

and untraceable His ways! 

For who has known the mind of the Lord? 

Or who has been His counselor? 

Or who has ever first given to Him, 

and has to be repaid? 

For from Him and through Him 

and to Him are all things. 

To Him be the glory forever. Amen.”

Romans 11:33-36

Consider God's kindness and severity. 

Kindness towards us who have been brought into Christ as sons and daughters by God based on nothing from us but childlike faith, but severity for those whom He cut off because of unbelief.  We can be cut off too if we lose sight of God's kindness!  And those that have been cut off can be brought back in when they accept God's kindness in full.  

So take Him all or take none of Him at all. 

It is finished because Jesus has cleansed us through and through.  The temptation is to begin trying to pay off what the blood fully accomplished.  Rather, remain in God's kindness with the freedom to will and to work for His glory, not for your own worth.  

There's nothing you did to deserve what you have been given, and there's nothing you can do to earn what you have been given!  So just stop.  If you're trying hard and feeling deflated then you either don't understand what you have been given and need to ask God to reveal the joy of salvation to you or you're full of pride that God's kindness takes away from you feeling good about yourself.  

Remain in His kindness.  By faith you were brought in, and by lack of faith you can be taken out!  Faith is believing what we do not see.  I don't see that I'm a good person all of the time, but I have faith that I am because Jesus' blood is true.   

So I'm free by faith alone.  

I can't believe it sometimes, but the moment I feel that starting to happen I recall God's severity and I remain in His kindness! 

Jmegrey