I woke up from a really weird dream.
In my dream it was Friday, the nights I do youth group, and on this particular youth night I wanted everyone to come together for a meeting. We had just come back from hiking and everyone was really tired, but I had planned to have a meeting for reasons unknown to me when I woke up.
In the dream everyone was procrastinating to come-even the teachers! Nobody was getting up, or if they were they were slow tortuous movements conveying dissatisfaction for my having called a meeting. But I went from room to room calling out and urging them to hurry up and come. I didn't think it mattered whether or not they wanted to come, I had planned to gather together so gathering we were going to do.
Finally, when no one was coming I was forced to give up, but I wouldn't show it, I was too laid-back and chill, I'm that girl, so I put on a happy face, and sat back with the rest of them while they all looked at me acceptingly. But inside I was so hurt which also made me upset, but I didn't show it. I played it cool. Instead I decided that I was going to now cancel Friday nights because they didn't seem to be going well (based on one moment). And a flood of "good reasons" washed up to the forefront of my thoughts that made that choice a "good" choice.
However, I noticed deep down I waited and wanted people to be sad about that. While I could be happy that I got my way (cancelling Friday Youth nights), something felt strange. I had a bunch of "good reasons" for why canceling would be a "good thing" (such as me having more time for my school studying, replacement ideas for fellowship instead of this janky one, etc). I felt the light and the dark in me. I tried hard not to see the dark in me, and only the light, the good, but even as I knew the good I also knew it was foul because it wasn't pure light.
I wanted revenge for the hurt I received when no one was getting up for the meeting I called. Inside I felt...conflicted. I knew something was distorted in my thinking process, and I had better catch it before I did something stupid.
I woke up from the dream and I ran the scene through my head again. I felt off. Examining the details more and the thoughts I found in myself that were not loving. I focused in on the darkness more than the "good" parts.
Here's what God revealed to me: I had a plan and God had a plan, all I needed to do was recognize that God was saying "change of plans, no meeting."
That's it.
I could let God know I felt hurt, because He knows I don't understand everything right away, but who was I to try and force God's plans to obey mine? That's just unreasonable. Haha I could understand that. But I wasn't thinking about God or His plans being done in that moment. I was thinking about my plan in that moment and how it wasn't getting done!
In the dream I had a plan, the plan even seemed godly because it was for Friday night youth, but I didn't take into account that everyone was tired and probably not interested in meeting at that moment, or that God always sees more than me.
Because I had a plan.
I didn't show how hurt I was because that would just look stupid and immature. I knew that much.
Yet playing it cool wasn't working either because I was passively still going to get my revenge for the hurt I felt.
Both playing it "fine" and speaking up about my feelings led to nothing good as far as I could see. Those two things are my usual tools for obedience to God, and this time they both seemed wrong. So I was stuck.
That why when I woke up I felt...weird.
I knew I was wrong, too.
I just didn't know what to do at that moment when the two things I usually do seemed to only lead to more sin. In this situation those two tools would not work.
I was at a loss for words, so I prayed.
That's when I started to gain understanding.
God's plan should always override my plans because His plan is always perfect. He was showing me that through the dream.
"Many are the plans
in the mind of a man,
but it is the purpose of the LORD
that will stand."
-Proverbs 19:21
When our plans don't seem to be working, realize that God's plan is always working.
But when we forget that, I repeat,
WHEN WE FORGET THAT GOD's PLAN ALWAYS WORKING, we start to hurt and get angry inside when the plan we had is not going according to plan!
How do we know when we are walking in our plan and when we are walking in God's plan?
Great question, and my reply is to look at Proverbs 19:21, Jeremiah 29:11, and Luke 12:32. Many passages in Scripture remind us that Our Father who is in Heaven, hallowed be His Name, His Kingdom come, HIS WILL BE DONE, on earth as it is in Heaven.
His will is unstoppable. And as believers we rest in that truth when our plans appear to be failing. Instead of throwing a fit inside or doing something passive aggressively to make up for what you lost, stop in your tracks and pray that God would search your heart and reveal the offensive ways in you in order to lead you out of them. Because as I said earlier, once I realized that maybe it was God's plan not to have a meeting despite my plans for wanting one, I would never want to find myself in opposition to God's plans! But in that moment that wasn't what I was seeing. I had to stop and pray for that to be shown to me with all the emotions and thoughts crowding my reasoning.
For me, God's plan should always override my plans. Because He is good, and it is my Father's good pleasure to give me the highest order of goodness and love. So to go up against that is just plain unreasonable.
He is perfect in all of His ways.
Let His plans override yours,
and be in His perfect plan today.
Jmegrey
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