Walking by the Spirit

"For the flesh desires what is against the Spirit, 

and the Spirit desires what is against the flesh; 

these are opposed to each other, 

so that you don't do what you want."

Galatians 5:17

Last night I stayed up til 4 in the morning wide awake with my thoughts.  I was watching episodes of Glee when the cast moves to NYC, and I just could not fall asleep.  Naturally, as I watched these characters living their lives in New York I couldn't help but wonder what I had done in my 20s now that it was coming to an end.  It dawned on me, because all of a sudden I heard flashback memories from when I was 21, 25, 27, and now 29 where I thought to myself that I was too old at each of those ages.  

However, now that I look back 21 was young!  25 was young! And even 27 was young!  So although I feel old being 29 and socially behind on what culture deems as what a person my age should have accomplished by now--I realized that if I'm not satisfied with my age as it is now, I will never be satisfied with it in the future because not only do I continue getting older, but I miss out on relishing what I am right now.  I miss out on being 29 as a great age and perfect for me because it is me. 

So, I wanted to change the way I viewed my age in order to have the confidence and ambition to accomplish what I wanted. 

Then another thought dawned on me.  What do I want?  What do I want to do in life?  The question is so strange because it sounds so important (it's my life!) yet it also sounds unimportant because life is what it has always been--uncertain, unpredictable, and never guaranteed--life.  This means that life is always going to be what it is--and it is never something we can control.  So although the question is important it doesn't exactly provide answers that entail for us to go a certain way or do a certain thing--it just sort of points in a general direction and the rest is--life.  

So as I thought about what I wanted to do in life with my soon-to-be graduate degree in theology--I found myself a bit lost and confused.  I don't want to be a pastor, I can't pay the bills as an aspiring writer, and children's ministry sounds horrific for me.  Most church jobs either fall in the category of pastor, children's director, or worship leader--all of which I do not want to do.  Then I panicked a little inside.

What could I do with a freaking theology degree? 

What was going to be worth living for in my life?  What would get me out of bed and into the gym, eating healthy, cultivating relationships, styling my hair, and living life?  What could I be living for? 

That's when the Word gently reminded me that to live is to die in Christ, which is gain.  

Philippians 1:21

For me, living is Christ and dying is gain.

I chewed on that passage for a bit.  Immediately it made me think that this life had to be lived in such a way that looked like I died--so that I did nothing I wanted to and sort of went around reading my bible and praying and speaking Christianese to people.  All of that is not bad--unless on the inside I'm dying in my spirit or rather in my actual love for God.  So I started writing about it this morning and I felt led to the passage in Galatians about how what the Spirit in us wants is always contrary to what the flesh wants. 

I think people tend to look at that verse and think that it means we then must do what we don't want to do, and that is considered our attempting to walk in the Spirit.  

So when we don't want to clean the church, spend money on evangelizing a friend, or go to small groups during midweek, but we go anyway because we don't want to do it--that's what makes it the "right" thing.  

The reason why that can't be what God is saying is because all throughout the bible we hear of Christ as gain or the gospel as "good news" so there must be two competing joys involved.  In other words, there is the desire of the flesh and the desire of the Spirit.

This means that we want something that brings us pleasure in the flesh and then we also want something that brings us joy in the Spirit! 

These two things are in us so that we are not merely choosing one because we don't want it, that would be a miserable way to look at life! 

Hi, I'm Jamie and whatever I don't want to do I do that.  Who would look at my life and want to be a Christian then?   

We completely downplay or fail to grasp the other desire as the reason for why we choose to do what we do.  We look at the Spirit as dictator and not lover. 

“He satisfies you with goodness; 

your youth is renewed like the eagle.

Praise the Lord, 

all His works in all the places where He rules. My soul, praise Yahweh!”

Psalms 103:5, 22

When we walk by the Spirit it does not mean primarily that we do whatever we don't want to do.  It primarily means we do what we love most to do! 

We do what satisfies our lives with goodness, and not just the kind that Christian tradition says are good but a personal sensation of goodness that makes you feel like you're 17 again!  We do what gives our innermost deepest and real being a sense of "wow!"  We live by the joy of the Spirit when we choose to not live by the pleasures of the flesh!  There is something extremely joyful for us about doing what the Spirit wants.  

So let's look at that verse again, because if we do not grasp what it means to walk by the Spirit then the enemy will have us live miserable lives where we plaster on fake smiles and go by "Christian morality" checklists all our lives without ever truly tasting the goodness of God for ourselves.  We simply won't last.  We were made for love and our senses for worship.  If we do not love and worship God from the inside, then all the outside appearance of worship will destroy us on the inside.  

"For the flesh desires what is against the Spirit, 

and the Spirit desires what is against the flesh; 

these are opposed to each other, 

so that you don't do what you want."

Galatians 5:17

What we want could be our flesh or it could be our Spirit, but we don't just do the "right" thing because it's what we don't want.  That's extremely offensive to God's nature and character.  We offend the goodness of God when we cultivate a mindset that we do something because we don't want to do it.  Rather this passage reveals that Paul says when we begin to live by the Spirit there will be a part of us that will not like it, but that part is not nearly as big as the part of us that loves it! 

Sigh.  I know most of us are probably not there because it means we lose our boasting to say that we did it.  We didn't want to do it, but we did it anyway and good job for us! 

Or maybe we realize that we might feel uncomfortable doing something we love to do because we might feel guilty for enjoying God in this life! 

Whatever your reason may be, consider carefully what you do today and why?  

Is it because you're afraid to anger the Dictator Spirit?

Or do you do what only fills you with the love of the Father?  

Live as His Beloved today, 

and you will be walking by the Spirit.

Will some people criticize you or tell you that what you're doing is wrong?

Definitely. 

So you must know the truth for yourself, in your heart of hearts, why you do what you do today.  And be loved by our Heavenly Father.  

Jmegrey