8 months later

Feb 15,2019

It’s been a long while since my last post—and my posts have become more and more sporadic due to the weight of responsibilities I seem to accumulate as I morph into an “adult.”

To clear a few details that are worth mentioning: I no longer struggle with bulimia, and that will always be probably one of the most amazing miracles of my life and my testimony to many other struggling women out there (though I still don’t really know how, but I know my story will at least offer hope in the dismal and dark world of an eating disorder).  

Secondly, I don’t have postpartum anymore (according to the title of my last post) I didn’t even know I had it or thought I had it at one point but it sounds like I did.  But I honestly don’t really remember it being that bad, but I guess it was. Ha!  Goes to show that time is a healer of many things! 

Thirdly, meadow is turning 8 months in 3 days!  8 months just flew by like that! 

Lastly, I’m still on the same journey of growing deeper in relationship with my Savior and Heavenly Father and there have definitely been some new discoveries in the last 8 months. 

So I’ll begin now. 

Meadow is thriving.  There’s been a few mishaps (she fell off a very high bed and landed head first on a dirty hardwood floor up in big bear which totally undid me for a good 3 hours, she also drank a lot of bath water, and she currently has a nasty rash on her vagina area for a month now).  But other than that she is well, and although things are not perfect (like...how do you get a baby to eat solids? What do I make? What’s good for her? What if she hates it?  Do I make many dishes so she can choose? Haha) I’m learning a lot.  A lot of my learning is more and more a letting go of control.  Resting in God’s watchful gaze upon my life.  

Marriage. 

Where to begin? 

Haha it’s almost year 2 of being married.  

I’ve known Ben almost 3 years now. 

That’s not a long time, haha. 

But the way we relate to one another has made me closer to him than almost anyone else (maybe my mom is first since she can read all my moods).  But marriage is exactly what I was taught it would be: not about me, but about drawing closer to Christ—many times that’s through serving the other person and denying yourself.  

Ben is a very good husband, I must say. 

He is my best friend and head of our house who takes care of all of us.  We all have a part and Ben does his part with much gentleness and self-control.  He serves me in many ways (doing the dishes at times, cleaning the floors, taking care of our taxes and bills, working, doing ministry with me, giving me amazing back massages at night before bed, and making me laugh harder than ever!  But the best part about our marriage is our shared goal of wanting to grow closer to Christ.  That’s it.  We both just want to get closer to God and make that our daily aim.  When one of us veers off course the other is usually good about bringing that person back.  And I am blessed for it. 

Now I’m just a stay at home mom, mother of an almost 8 month old, and wife to a full time student and full time job husband.  Our life is busy to say the least.  We both have our hands full, but it is good.  I love living a life of knowing God more because every day and every event has a purpose in reaching our goal. 

I’m now learning to continue to be still enough to find my center in the goal of pursuing Christ first...so that all my other thoughts can fall under the authority of that FIRST.  I worry when I’m tired or in pain, so it’s in those moments that I need to be anchored most.  How?  Right now I’m just practicing the discipline of 15 min of letting God do the talking and leading my heart in His ways.