Rest in the storm

Do we all, at one point, discover the deep depravity and desperation within us and then continue to see evidence of it throughout our lives once we discover just how much we need Christ?  Or does it become less evident after we surrender to Him our daily desires, our guilt, and even our sins?  I find it difficult to be ok with all that is in me in my darkest moments...so much so I wonder if I am even a Christian.  Or if I am, if my heart is almost there...the motive trying and trying to become right, what more could I do to help myself even more?  I guess my question is what must I do after Christ has given me the power to do something?  The answer is work hard, because although He has saved me, that I am no longer condemned, I will be a wiser steward to walk in ways that lead to obedience and a dying to myself.  That means working hard to do those things that are constantly in conflict with my body.  How much, though, can I do?  If in Christ I can do all, then I am beginning to think I may not be in Christ, and if not I am depraved and desperate to be in Christ.  So much fear...

When there is little I can do to change my circumstances or my "feelings/mood" I always reach for the illusion that sin will remedy things.  That's a lie, and it's rooted in fear, fear that makes sin my master.  Sin is not my master, and in Christ I am set free from such enslavement.  Though right now it feels hard to believe I will be still, and know that Jesus loves me, saved me, and that He is my Lord and Savior.