I'm told that I am very task-oriented, an INTJ according to the Briggs Meyers personality test. Sometimes I'll have strong impulses to do something that is, well, recklessly impulsive. Today I was driving to meet my cousin for lunch, and while driving down the road I realized that I should put my laptop in my trunk in case anyone felt tempted to break in and steal it from my car. The moment I decided that I needed to do that I wanted to wait for the first red signal light so that I could quickly shift into park, dash out of my car, pop open the trunk and get it done. It was such a strong impulse, and I contemplated doing it until I reminded myself that it would be ok to wait, to park my car and safely take good time to put my laptop in the trunk rather than get out in the middle of the road (granted there were not a lot of cars on the road). I notice I get caught up with the tasks at hand that it kind of overtakes everything else. This can be a good and terrible inclination, but mostly terrible. Tasks are important, but they are usually there to serve another greater purpose. Tasks are things needed to get done in order to build toward something bigger than the tasks themselves. I suppose some folks find that to be an automatic understanding, but for those like myself it's a conscious effort to redirect my focus on the entire mural not just the segment right in front of me. However, the segment in front of me needs to get done, but it needs to get done with the real goal in mind. That way whatever circumstances may arise as I build what's in front of me I can adapt to changes that will still work toward the ultimate purpose and not focus so much on just getting the task done.
This has been an important reminder to myself in my seeking. As I seek God through reading my bible, spending time with others, writing, praising, and praying I am easily distracted when one of those "tasks" is not completed as expected. Or I get distracted by the other tasks in life that also try to pull me from the task set before me. There are so many things I can do, should do, want to do, need to do, but there is only one thing I must do and that is to seek God with all my heart.
Distractions will always be there. Then I am suddenly met with God's grace, out of nowhere it just hits me. It's an impact that shakes all distractions loose, and I am at eye level with the only thing that matters: God. All the joys in the world, all the blessings, all the good friends, the moments of celebration, all exist through, for and to God. Without my hope in Him everything will just slip into non existence. I find it difficult to delight in something that doesn't serve a lasting purpose. When I delight in the laughter with friends knowing that God has decided to bless me with it I can take ultimate satisfaction in knowing He is delighting in me when I delight in Him, more than just the laughter it is the closeness to Him that carries my enjoyment past the brief minutes and into eternity. Does that sound really sci fi?! It does, but it's not fiction! It's more real than a fleeting feeling. However, even in this I get distracted, and focus on having moments of laughter. I get so caught up in my idea of how things should be that I often miss the real joy to be tasted. I can be too much of a controller of my circumstances, which of course is ridiculous. No one can control their circumstances all the time, but despite knowing that I naturally still try. So it is in those cracks where grace, like sunrise, overtakes all the rebellion in me and I am given another opportunity to get back on track. I know when I'm off track because I feel like I am being pulled in a thousand different directions. Then grace, as always, is the blade that cuts me free.
J
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