Idols

Sometimes I feel like I'm the person in the back of the room that the speaker has nothing to say to because I'm so far away.  I start to think, "what's the point of me even being here, I can't hear anything."  Rather than finding my way to the front, I begin to think of exit routes as well as where I should go.  I look outside and the sun looks welcoming, people are laughing, and I'm stuck in a room.  I begin to blame my circumstances and compare my situation to those outside who I can only make external judgments about, yet I assume that my assumptions about their internal state of happiness are quite accurate.  Anything must be better than what I have.

It is strange that people will make these assumptions based on a photograph or public acclaim (Facebook, instagram, magazines, etc).  For everyone this idea of "glory" is different.  Some may revel in beauty as the ultimate gain for happiness, wanting to lose weight or have clear skin.  For others it's all about having more money, more money, more money. For another it's the academic achievement, intellectual acknowledgment on some grand platform.  For me it's all the above, I just want all of it.  I want the most of everything in all forms, shapes, and sizes, and if I say I didn't want them then I shouldn't ever feel sorry for myself when I see that others have it.  I never used to think that I wanted lots of money or admiration, though I always wanted to be beautiful, but tracing the paths of the many idols in my head I have been able to make such shameful discoveries in my heart.  It's not that I have to be rich or win the Nobel prize, but it is that I esteem those things as one's reason for happiness.  This goes contrary to what I say I believe in.  Of course accolades, achievements and abundance are to be enjoyed and can offer definite moments of pleasure, even euphoria, but they cannot carry anyone's soul through to an everlasting contentment since in time those things will dull and fade into the past.  (This could be an opportunity to ask oneself if they believe they possess a soul.  If so, who can hold the soul but God?)

So then, I find that this deep longing in me is not for what I am truly searching for.  I have to trace everything back to what's in my heart, and then bring them out into the light for validation.  When I hold out the idols of money, beauty, and intellect (for others it could their children, a particular possession, or even another person) I can see that they have no ability to hold my soul.  I run my fingers along their smooth surfaces.  I admire the way they shine, and for a moment they make me feel like I count for something just by having them in my hands as if I can count on them to keep me whole.  Then I consider dropping one onto the floor, I realize that it will probably crack or shatter, and that I actually hold more power than the idol, and if that is the case then it would be foolish to rely so much on something less powerful than myself.  Perhaps from far away they appear to be more than what they are when I actually hold them, and this is why I find it of utmost importance to bring them into the light where I can fully examine them.  I think it's scary to realize that what you wanted is not what will satisfy you, and this understanding may leave you disappointed.  (Or you could be encouraged, especially if the idol is something you have yet to obtain in life, but the essence of this revelation should lie in the fact that it is better to be scared of the truth than embalmed in a lie.)

So as one who looks outside and considers the heart in myself, I realize I don't truly know the hearts of those who carry smiles with money or beauty or intellectual acclaim, but if they have those things it is just as if they were holding the objects, and at any moment they could drop them and that would be it.  I examine my own heart, the only heart for which I truly can examine, and I realize that this is the only reliable evidence I can focus on to make more accurate inferences.  I recognize that no idol can bring me wholeness, none can hold my soul, my inner self that will never fade.

I make my mind up and start walking toward the front of the room.  I get closer to the speaker, and I listen more intently on what he is saying.  All along I had wanted to hear something, anything but I hadn't put it in my mind to do something to hear better.  Oftentimes I feel like that with God.  All I want is for God to say something to me in my deepest darkest hour of desperation or hopelessness.  I start to blame God for His silence, not really considering that perhaps I am in the back of the room and need to do something to get closer.  If there is a way I must have the will to go.

If I know this certainty in me, stronger than uncertainty, that I have a soul then I know only God can hold my soul.  The soul can be sensed when you realize that the things that fade are only blessings from One that never fades.  The soul searches for things that do not fade.  If everything has a beginning then there could only be One who was there before all things to orchestrate the beginning.

"In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth." - Genesis 1:1

Alternatively, I could ignore all that and think whatever I like so that I won't have to believe that God is God, but all that would leave me with are my idols.

Ffor the record, blessings as blessings are meant to be enjoyed thoroughly.  As many Christians have said: enjoy the gifts, but love the Giver.  God doesn't want you to be miserable, in fact if the bible is correct than God intends all things to be for your good.  He sees the danger in having too much candy and the benefits of going to the dentist even if you don't.

J

J