The message of the good news about my condition becomes a distant whisper that easily vanishes from the more resounding noises I hear when I neglect to listen to the only truth that matters.
The gospel, in itself, never changes, but the way I understand it does.
When something is cooking in the kitchen and I am in the room upstairs as the scents wafts in I can notice a difference. However, soon enough, I grow subtly accustomed to the aroma and it sort of disappears. Of course, the food and my nose have not changed, but the contrast is no longer as noticeable which makes the scent less noticeable. I might step out for a few hours, and after having left the house I return I get that almost shocking blow to my senses that the house does indeed smell like what was cooking. Prior to leaving the house it was unnnoticeable, but upon returning it hits me all over again.
Why is that? I might think that it was something to do with the chemical reactions that made the scent grow stronger or insist that someone cooked again (when they hadn't), but anyone who heard this would know that was dumb. It's because I had gotten used to the smell and so when I left and came back it was once again stronger from having been away from it.
The chemicals didn't change, I changed. I left the house.
The gospel gets old not because it actually gets old. The gospel gets old because I get used to it.
Now before you think this means we need to leave the gospel in order for it to be fresh again, let me stop you from making such a ridiculous assumption. Because as we all know it is not the gospel that needs changing...it is us. It is our position to the gospel.
The thing about letting go is the painful waiting that follows. However, the most beautiful and life transforming thing about God is how He delivers after our waiting. If we never waited we wouldn't be as blown away by His deliverance.
I had about 15 minutes straight of excruciating cramps in my lower abdomen. I was dying, I mean, that's what it felt like. It was so awful I couldn't lie down in a position that would help even just a little. Whatever way I was I was in pain. I couldn't speak above a whimper and I was out of breath from the tension that came from my exasperation of clutching myself. It was so uncomfortable and the only hope I had was the fact that this must and had to be temporary (because I experience it once a month). As I took two midol and just writhed in my bed, I thankfully drifted away and when I woke up the pain was gone. But what wasn't gone was the fresh memory of the pain only moments earlier. I remembered it clearly and the more I thought about it the more I relished the state I was now in: pain free. I thought about how funny it is that most days I am pain free, but right now this pain free moment was unlike the other days because it was a reminder that I was once suffering in such a way that I was immobile and could only hold on to the hope that it would soon pass.
This pain free moment was glorious because of the contrast I had that was fresh in my memory.
The gospel does not get old, we just forget where we are. We change.
The gospel is good news. We have all heard it before, that Jesus died for our sins and resurrected from the dead and now we can go to heaven for free if we believe in Him. That sounds so watered down because it is! The gospel is not that we get to go to heaven. That is definitely part of the gospel, but the part of the gospel that hits us in the face is the part that contrasts what we have to where we were or what we didn't have.
And do you know that this is also not a difficult thing to remember? Why? Because we sin every single day. We go about our day and we complain...I complain to God that I don't "feel" anything for Him. I even pray that He would give me passion and a desire for Him, but what I don't do is think about the way in which I have offended God just now, just even in that prayer. As if I've done all I could do and now God is to blame for my lack luster faith. Part of the reason I don't like to think about my offenses or my sins on a deeper level than the surface is because first, I feel helpless to change (which I am on my own), and two, because I hate guilt and feeling guilty. In other words, I feel weak and wretched. But I want to feel strong and confident! So then, when I feel weak and wretched who becomes strong and confident? And when I feel strong and confident the contrast lessens and I am less capable of knowing that God is all that I am not. This is when the gospel dulls in our spirit. In my spirit. This is when pain free days are just days and when the aroma filled house is just a house. The gospel becomes just the gospel rather than the most incredibly good news to fill my heart with overwhelming love and gratefulness to God.
He must become more as I become less.
This will always be true, so long as the gospel remains to be the good news.
So the next time, maybe today, you feel that the gospel has become something you know but don't exult in, let that be a litmus test in who you are actually serving. Are you reveling in making much of Him or do you revel in making much of yourself?
For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.
(Luke 12:34 HCSB)
If you think you need to sin in order to FEEL the gospel, you've got something else coming. Sin is within our flesh and doesn't need our intention to be committed. It is there.
As for guilt, when it comes let it come, because it will come in order to call us to repentance. Then repent and let the guilt go, but don't forget that it didn't just vanish, it was the gospel of Jesus that paid for it to be gone. When we hold on to guilt we deny the gospel, and when we forget our guilt we deny the significance of the gospel.
Let the constricting and self loathing part of guilt go, but keep the memory of it as a scar you left on the hands of Jesus. He took it away and let that make the gospel good news that makes Jesus worthy of your praise and fall in love with Him. He took your guilt and shame from every sin, and the moment we forget we need only to see the scars. When sin happens, and it will, run to Jesus and beg Him to show you His scars again. Fall in love with Him over and over again.
It's painful to carry and feel your guilt and it's painful to carry and feel your weakness and powerlessness. Both hurt.
But only one utilizes the gospel and changes us.
In this life there will be pain regardless of your position. But it makes a huge difference when you know the pain is temporary. Hope keeps us steadfast in pain. Jesus is my only hope in life and the gospel is good news when I fail. So I am less and less fearful of failing or being rejected or all the other painful things...because each of my painful moments reminds me of the gospel. Where there is darkness there is light.
Look at Jesus.
Jmegrey
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