Nashville is heating up so well that I almost cannot recall the bitter cold nights of rubbing my meager legs together underneath my blankets to generate some heat...and feeling sorely disappointed in the theory of friction. The beginning stages of summer are pleasantly soothing for those past memories of feeling just so cold, but I know that soon enough the ratio of hot to cold will overcompensate and I will start pining for crisp cold air. Oh, woe is me! hehe.
I have been learning at a steady constant rate who I am and how contrary my mind and heart can be. One moment I feel swept and intoxicated by enthusiasm and joy, and the next moment I am emptied and feeling hopeless. Such highs and lows are mostly due to my actions and reactions to circumstances, while other times they just ebb and flow regardless of events. I may think that a life of comfort and smooth sailing would be ideal, but would that cost me compassion? Joy? Humbleness? Would I still be someone with an ounce of integrity if I never needed it? I don't know, but it sure makes sense that without those moments of desperation and even pain, I would have no reason to love the people who would have comforted me, and very little motivation to be the best me. So here I am, in a moment of quiet desperation, but I know after evaluating things, that this is a part of what makes me need love and have love. Times of joy wait just around the corner.
On a lighter note, my new favorite summer cup is an almond milk latte. :) I would recommend getting one at The Frothy Monkey (but if you like it slightly sweet then ask them to add a little vanilla and or banana to the drink). Cafe Coco also has a delicious almond milk latte, but they don't accept credit cards for purchases under $10.
I'm now serving at two restaurants. I never thought I'd actually be a server, it seemed like such an impossibility, because of my lack of experience. I'm enjoying it thoroughly. It is stressful at times, and makes me get frazzled when I cannot deliver perfection...so I'm frazzled at every moment, but it works well for me. I can make my own schedule (after having made enough for rent), and I get to interact with a myriad of diverse minds. I was surprised to find that I am actually very intrigued by my coworkers. I used to think everyone annoyed me in some way or another, but turns out I like people a lot. I don't know why or how or where I had fostered such an incorrect view of myself, but serving has shown me that my heart loves people. So that was nice. Although, it does scare me how much love people desire once you begin to give it to them. Perhaps we all have unending amounts of love to share, but it doesn't always feel that way. I try not to rely too much on my feelings, truth has a way of being the opposite of them.
Here's the photo I put on my resume. I don't know if it gives off an unfriendly vibe, but when I saw it I thought it depicted my personality spot on. I'm smiling, if you can't tell, and the empty look in my eyes just means I'm thinking about something that I maybe want to share with you, but likely will not unless you say something first that's oddly unexpected and semi-vulnerable. Or maybe I'll just share what I have to say if you wait long enough for it.
JmeGrey
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