(I've been not posting a few of my entries because for a while I felt like my posts started to become something I took as my own rather than Gods grace in speaking to me. I was taking so much from my own little blog, and that felt strangely uneasy. Most of the entries this past week were me complaining some more about how much I have hated it here, which is not even true, but the more I thought I was suffering the more I suffered...if that makes sense. It should.)
It's about intimacy.
It is intimacy.
Be intimate with God.
I must know who He is for myself.
Get alone with Him, get into your bible, pray, speak to Him in your thoughts.
Think very hard about who He is to you, over and over and over until you get something that makes sense to you. That brings about fresh intimacy. It can't just be something you heard or was told, it has to be something you know for yourself, because God speaks to us about who He is. The mystery of God is Jesus. If you know Jesus you will know God. The fullness of the Diety are in Christ Jesus.
If I don't know who God is to me, to me as Jamie, if Jamie and God only know each other through other people then I will not know Him when I see Him face to face.
Because when all the thoughts, the deep nagging curiosities and questions that always arise at some point or another, when they begin I must have my own first hand account of who God is. He must be to me as any other person I know, like my mom or my friends in Nashville. He must be so alive to me. I must be able to ask Him my questions. I must be able to hear Him speak to me. I must be able to rest in His arms that are as real as the arms of my mother when I see her pick me up from the airport (at least the sense of how real that is). I must know when He is pleased and when He is displeased. I must know when He is deeply moved with compassion for someone. I must know when He desires to discipline me and when He desires to give me gifts. I must have a bond with Him, bonding time; intimacy. I must be close to Him, because apart from Him all else withers in time, but He is the Rock that stands forever.
He is who I want to see.
He is who I want to know, personally.
He is who I will set my eyes on.
I don't want more spiritual facades. No more tears or brief moments of "maybe that was God".
No.
I want a firm faith that comes through intimacy of knowing God personally. I'll be searching, digging, and waiting.
My hope rests in eternity with Jesus. That is my reason for all this work and effort and time and persistence. The benefit must outweigh the cost. I will go until I find Him more clearly. At least clearly enough to say that I will give up everything to follow Him.
Reading the entire book of Colossians at 5:30am, 1pm, and 8pm everyday for the next 2 months.
Let's see what happens....
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When will I begin to love others?
When will it stop being about myself?
When will I look at the church and all who go there and think, I will die for them?
When will I stop wanting the recognition or the admiration?
When will I truly walk in humility?
The mystery of God is namely this: Jesus Christ.
Jesus is understood when we are united in love and encouraged in our hearts -col 2:2
I want a firm faith!
I want this to be my perspective and desires:
For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain.
Only let your manner of life be worthy of the gospel of Christ,
so that whether I come and see you or am absent, I may hear of you that you are standing firm in one spirit, with one mind striving side by side
for the faith of the gospel, and not frightened in anything by your opponents. (The enemy is real, but he is nothing compared to God, he tries to scare us by making himself loud, dark, and noisy, but that's it. That's all the enemy can do...try. We don't ever try in Christ, we just win. It's that simple.)
For it has been granted to you that for the sake of Christ you should not only believe in him but also suffer for his sake, (Philippians 1).
The deeper I go with God the more opportunity for me to have difficulties...it gets harder and harder, so unless I really know God it will be hard to let go of everything each step of the way. God must be worth me losing everything....cuz everything is a lot to lose! Haha.
Get deep in the word, study it, find out who God is, and see for yourself if He is worth giving up life itself for.
J
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