Hey Father,
What is going on in Your heart now? Unconditional love? Wrath? What are Your plans? Where do I belong in those plans?
I want to be close to You, yet I pull away from You. I want to know You, yet I ignore You. I want to sit at Your feet, yet I wander from Your presence restlessly. I want to love you, yet I reject You. I want to change into Your image, yet I turn into dust right away.
Take me deeper Lord.
Your daughter,
Jamie
Who I am today is who I will be for all of eternity, so today I need to know who I am if I am going to live eternally.
Perhaps we are living a lie about our identity, thinking we need something or someone more than who has given Himself to us. Do we need more than God Himself?
It can sure feel that way when I open Instagram, Facebook or snapchat. It feels that way when I'm single, and it feels that way when I'm with someone. It feels that way when I'm alone at night, and it feels that way when something bad happens between a friend and me. I need something in those moments, and although I know that I have God, He is not enough.
I need something real.
I need someone real.
So internally, either God is not enough or I have been holding to a fake god rather than the real God. If it is the former than there is no hope, because what is more than God if He is and has everything? So it is the latter: it is being with a fake god that causes us to get bored, needy, and discontent.
“Lord, hear my prayer;
let my cry for help come before You.
Do not hide Your face from me
in my day of trouble.
Listen closely to me;
answer me quickly when I call.
For my days vanish like smoke,
and my bones burn like a furnace.
He will pay attention to the prayer of the destitute and will not despise their prayer.
Long ago You established the earth,
and the heavens are the work of Your hands. They will perish, but You will endure;
all of them will wear out like clothing.
You will change them like a garment,
and they will pass away.
But You are the same,
and Your years will never end.
Your servants’ children will dwell securely,
and their offspring will be established before You.”
Psalms 102:1-3, 17, 25-28
So Father speak to me clearly and open my ears so that I can hear and respond to You.
What do You say today that I may respond to? Speak Father, and have grace on my hardened heart by softening it so that I hear You.
----
And then I wait. And I try my best to listen for God in the still small voice within. And all of sudden I feel the urge to cry. It's strange how quickly it happens, it's as if I've lifted the lid off of my heart and water starts to trickle out.
Water has been on my mind a lot lately. Every time I turn off the shower a little bit of water continues to fall from the shower head and I like to put my hands under it and watch the water flow over my hands. I become mesmerized by the clearness of the water over my peach hands. It reminds me that I'm clean and that I'm covered in something yet it does not cover me as a blanket because it's transparent. I'm transparently covered. It's very soothing to see, but most of all it's been catching my attention a lot lately after almost every shower.
Water reminds me of God's presence. It's a transparent covering that exposes me yet cleans me at the same time. Being with God is to be with His transparent nature, and my peach hands and red heart are covered by Him, yet not covered in the sense that I am hidden. I am exposed while covered.
Amanda Cook from Bethel is a worship leader who wrote a song called "The Voyage" which has also made an impact in my thought life lately.
The song goes:
-----
What if the path you choose becomes a road...
The ground you take becomes a home...
The wind is high, but the pressure's off
I'll send the rain wherever we end up
Wherever we end up
Set your sights,
sailing far beyond familiar
In the rising tide,
you'll find the rhythm of your heart
And lift your head,
now the wind and waves don't matter
What if the path you choose becomes a road
The ground you take becomes a home
The wind is high, but the pressure's off
I'll send the rain wherever we end up
Wherever we end up
I am the wind in your sails
I am the wind in your sails
I am the wind in your sails
-----
At first I remember thinking "what does she mean by "I'll send the rain wherever we end up?" And I shared the song with a friend of mine (Liz) who said the same thing, albeit admitting to the song being really epic because it's got a grand kind of sound.
Now, I don't know if Amanda Cook meant for her song to mean what I've now found it to mean for me, but God used this song to speak to me about the things He has been showing me on a day to day basis like my moments in the shower.
"I'll send the rain wherever we end up" translated into "Jamie, wherever you go my Presence is not only with you, but covering you as water covers your peach hands after a shower." In other words, all the choices I make, the paths I choose, the roads that become my life...they will no doubt have waves and winds, but no matter what decision I make God reminds me that He will be with me, covering me in the refuge and safety of Himself. This makes the pressure vanish because now I sense the adventure before me under His protection. The truth of knowing I can choose to live a big life without the pressures of fearing the consequences, and I don't mean living a stupid life. I mean, taking those big risks like when you lay yourself down to give someone time and your energy without fear of losing out or missing out in your own life. Taking risks of giving more than you feel is safe without fear of being unprovided for or uncomfortable. Taking risks of obedience and enduring without fear of pain or suffering. Because everything I just mentioned describes the life of a hero and true friend. The point is that when we watch movies like Lord of the Rings or Captain America, we admire and are in awe of such great characters. Yet, we know that when we come back to reality, exiting the theater, that was a great show, but that's not me. Why? Because we don't have that kind of character or life, the kind that lays aside oneself for the benefit of another. We might see that we just don't have that kind of money or those opportunities to be like that, but more than money or opportunities it is the character of the hero that makes him a hero, not his strength or his money or even his opportunities. It is his character.
God is shaping us to be like His Son Jesus, the hero of the world. The life He desires to give us is that which is big and adventurous because it is the life of a hero, the life of one who lays down their life in order to take up another kind.
However, this isn't by our decision making or our abilities, but it is in knowing that He Himself is with us wherever we go. There is no fear or pressure to make good decisions or to earn His promises. The way and the truth to this life is a person, a noun: Jesus. In other words, having a relationship with Jesus and going deeper and deeper into that relationship is our means of living.
What if the path you choose becomes a road?
The ground you take becomes a home?
The wind is high, but the pressure's off,
I'll send the rain wherever we end up.
Wherever we end up.
If you knew you could choose the life of a hero and not fear losing or missing out on the desires you have now, would you take it?
The path you choose is the one where God will be with you.
The ground you take today will become a home for you.
You are free to choose the life you know will be heroic and full of great relationships, love, adventure and awesomeness! But the real question is are you truly free in this matter? Or have the winds and waves brought to wake Jesus up and ask Him if He cares about what's happening to you?
The winds will rise and things will get stormy, but the pressures off, there is no fear....because God sends the rain, His presence covers you.
You are getting to where He is taking you, to the other side, and no storm or winds will be able to stop the God who is taking you there. Choose to take refuge in Him for every decision you make, because when you entrust your life's choices to God's protection, He will be the one defending and protecting you throughout its course.
Just as in Mark 4:35-42, when Jesus's disciples fearfully woke Jesus from His nap when a storm was upon them, Jesus was like "why are you afraid?" In other words, you are fearful about nothing. I'm here, I'm with you, so why are you afraid? Know the One who is with you in the storm and you could take a nap through it too instead of getting all worried and anxious. :)
“On that day, when evening had come, He told them, “Let’s cross over to the other side of the sea.” So they left the crowd and took Him along since He was already in the boat. And other boats were with Him.
A fierce windstorm arose,
and the waves were breaking over the boat,
so that the boat was already being swamped.
But He was in the stern,
sleeping on the cushion.
So they woke Him up and said to Him, “Teacher! Don’t You care that we’re going to die? ”
He got up, rebuked the wind, and said to the sea, “Silence! Be still! ”
The wind ceased, and there was a great calm.
Then He said to them,
“Why are you fearful?
Do you still have no faith? ”
And they were terrified and asked one another, “Who then is this?
Even the wind and the sea obey Him! ””
Mark 4:35-41
They asked "who then is this?" We don't know this guy very well. If we knew Him we would not have feared the storm.
Wherever you go and whatever you do today, do so knowing that God's presence covers you like water when it rains. How do we do this? By knowing the one who dwells in the stern of your heart. I feel a strong call to sit at His feet today and get to know Him by talking to Him in prayer and listening to His response and then responding back.
Conversations with God.
Lord, hear my prayer and speak. What is going on in my heart and in the restlessness I feel? Why do I get bored or anxious when I have the world before me and You are always with me? Help me remember that I am called to a bigger life than I could ever have imagined, and that I need to know You more deeply and intimately in order to be able to continue taking risks and resting through the storms. We are getting to the other side together and that is final so let's add as much adventure to journey as possible!
Take my life and give me Yours,
Jmegrey
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