Lord,
What are we to do with the children?
Today I felt Your heart toward me, your good heart, as I heard about one of my students willingly walk into the trap of sin...a seemingly small and innocent one, but I know that no sin is small because every sin is attached to a great one...all it needs is the subtle small sin to make a small incision for the greater ones to get through in time. Sigh. It's heartbreaking because I know how ineffective telling them to stop is, and I can only hope and pray and love them through the pain they will go through because of these decisions. It's heartbreaking!
But in that moment I heard You speak to me as well, as Your own child. All those times and minutes throughout my day when I know what is good and right in Your eyes, yet I lean more on my desires and my ways because I'm impulsive and I don't know what I'm doing. I just know what I want or what I don't want, even when I hear You speak ...I don't always listen. How heartbroken it must be for you to see me, Your child, as I allow sin to destroy me and make my life miserable thinking it's something I want! I see these students of mine, and I watch them make these same choices even when I direct them toward life and fullness of joy, yet they must make their own decisions, and it breaks my heart to know what they are doing and to not be able to stop them....is that why You sent Your Son?
You knew about me?
You saw me and I wouldn't listen...instead I kept choosing the sin that enticed me yet that very same sin was waiting to bring me down to my destruction. It hid behind impulse and desire, and I fell for the bait because I chose it over Your Word. You saw me and it broke Your heart. Although I can do nothing much to ensure that my students be secured and safe from those miseries hidden behind those seemingly small sins, I pray that You protect them. Although I'm powerless You did save us. You gave up Your Son's life to give us life because all we choose are the sins that entice us but are coated in deep misery.
So as they fall into these sins, Lord, and as the misery begins to poison their hearts, remember Your Son's blood and use even their bad choices and the misery that follows due to those choices to somehow help them see You so that they would turn from their sins and live for You. Lord, You've been so faithful to me even after all the misery I brought on myself from following my desires and impulses over Your Word, and You brought me here...You changed my heart, so I know that even though the students may not always listen, You are good. You have Your way, but still I pray that You would quickly bring them closer to You so that they would have a better life sooner.
You reminded me today of Your goodness and Your intentions for me when You tell me something and I don't want to listen. You helped me feel Your heart toward me as my heart was feeling for my students and I remembered that You speak to bring me life and not destruction. Lord, we are Your children and we make mistakes! Thank You for the cross. You embraced me through the pain and misery of the consequences for my disobedience, so lead me to do the same for my students.
Jmegrey
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