How long ago? 1000+years ago, since Adam bit the apple-long ago. God's plan has and is always being carried out. There's no other will that is being fulfilled besides His. We participate, by free will, an undeserved entrance given us by our substitute, Jesus, who died in our place for our sins because of God's love and holiness. Holiness in that He cannot let sin go unpunished; Love in that He paid the penalty for which our sins required.
Sometimes I wake up really early in a gradual sort of gentle poke by God's spirit in me. I look at the time and it's about 5am, and I wait another 50 minutes or so to actually get up. During those 50 minutes I'm listening. I hear the thoughts in my head being addressed and it is God speaking to me. I know it's God because of 3 things:
1. I know when God is speaking because I know Him! Kinda like when someone calls you and you already know who it is by the sound of their voice.
"My sheep hear My voice, I know them, and they follow Me." John 10:27
2. The things He says are so genius and reassuring and concrete. They are things that once either puzzled or disoriented me, but now seem so secure and easy. For example this morning I was hurting with cramps, which usually send me into fits of painful cries in the fetal position, but this morning when they began knotting my stomach I knew that even this was an act of God's love for me and I started laughing! Haha I might sound crazy, but don't get me wrong, the cramps still hurt just as they always do, but I was also in joy at knowing God speaks to me in EVERYTHING. This was just another word from Him, using my cramps, that spoke life into me, and I started laughing because I was supposed to be writhing in pain alone, and instead I was listening through it. But man it hurts, I'm not gonna lie! It hurts like a beast. And physical pain is painful. I don't ever doubt it, especially when I am the one feeling it! Haha. But God is in everything, meaning that He does not cause the pain, but He certainly is present in it for the sake of His children. And where God is, there is safety and a warm assurance that all will be well. This is especially powerful in moments more detrimental such as a death in the family, a sickness or disease in the family, friends that are hurting, or personal sufferings. For me, this morning, it was during my physically pain-inducing cramps. Which, by the way, still hurt right now...haha.
"For as heaven is higher than earth, so My ways are higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:9
"The Lord is good,
a stronghold in a day of distress;He cares for those who take refuge in Him."
Nahum 1:7
3. I actually didn't have 3, but only 2, but I can think up a third reason for why I know it's God. I would never choose to wake up that early especially when I didn't get a full 7-9 hours of sleep! Haha. So I know it's God because there is a desire to wake up and continue talking and listening to Him.
"Take delight in the LORD, and He will give you your heart's desires." Psalm 37:4
The mundane becomes, now, a filing spendor that makes my eyes light up, my feet to move in dance, and my voice to sing songs of praise. When I wake up it's because I WANT to wake up not because I should or must, and therein lies the glorious change from dull to delight.
I must say that this is indeed a feeling with knowledge. Sometimes I only have the knowledge of God but without any feelings. Or sometimes I may experience feelings with a fuzzy understanding of what God is doing or saying to me. God is present, always, so that much is sure. It is my mind that wanders away at times from His presence that causes me to think about other things so much less than Him! Of course I think about taking the trash out, baking some sweet potatoes, perhaps making plans to watch a movie with a friend, all of these are not bad thoughts to have. But they do not compare to the thoughts that remind me that God Almighty is right there in the room or in the car with me. It's a giddy feeling, very childlike and magical. Suddenly everything is at my fingertips, but this treasure I hold in myself like jars of clay...
"But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us." 2 Corinthians 4:7
It's in me, His power, just waiting to put me in awe and wonder....and many times I have stopped short of what I was doing at some moment in time with wide-eyed wonder and joy at what God showed me. It's God! I mean, He made the mountains I love so much--with one word He just spoke them into existence. And when He speaks to me I see something of that same creation unfolding before me like rolling clouds!
Now, some of what I just wrote stemmed from a sudden and strange distillation in my feelings of joy as I began to write. I mentioned earlier how delighted I was to wake up and hear more and talk with God, but the thing about such certain joys is how certain you are when it goes even slightly faded/awry/tainted/questionable. I notice every little change when that kind of joy suddenly shifts (heightened even more because of my womanliness at the moment), but the point is that I bring that before God, of course I do! It's as if I was running through waterfalls, and then like a faucet they turned off. I ask Him, "what was that?"
As I also mentioned earlier, I know it like an anchor in my soul that God is never "gone" from me, He is present in everything, even in the distillation. Perhaps especially in the distillation. Those feelings of childlike wonder running through waterfalls is not God Himself, but gifts from God. I used to think His gifts (of feelings) identified Himself, but after having gone through years of distillation and no feelings of that sort, it just clicked that those feelings were gifts. Clearly God has not gone MIA. The feelings had, but that wouldn't make sense to say that God had. It sure felt like it, and some of you will remember a post I wrote asking God "Where are You right now?!" Because His absence was exactly what it felt like.
So this morning when I noticed the shift in my heart at His felt presence, I asked Him, almost immediately, "what was that?" To which He reassured me that it was now a faith presence, meant to set the anchor deeper in the bedrock of His love for me.
"We have this hope as an anchor for our lives, safe and secure. It enters the inner sanctuary behind the curtain" Hebrews 6:19
I used to feel like an illegitimate child of God, as if somehow I had been adopted by mere accident or disapproving inclusion that was hoping for me to change and be better, but it's different now. When you're a child, a real child and not some distant cousin or friend of a real child of God, you know it because you bother God for every little thing and you know He cares. As the saying goes: only a daughter would wake her father up at 3am to ask for a glass of water. No one else could do that with a guilt free conscious. I know I'm a daughter of God because nothing I do or say bothers Him, but when something is bad for me He gently let's me know when I question Him about it, and does whatever it takes to save me from it. I trust Him, and when I don't trust Him I talk to Him to convince me to trust Him, and He speaks to me the words of life--and I store them up in me like jars of clay.
So yea, sometimes a felt presence feels like the best thing in the world, but a faith in His presence, when the feelings fade, is how I have come to recognize His soft whisper most.
"Then He said, “Go out and stand on the mountain in the Lord’s presence.” At that moment, the Lord passed by. A great and mighty wind was tearing at the mountains and was shattering cliffs before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake there was a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire there was a voice, a soft whisper. When Elijah heard it, he wrapped his face in his mantle and went out and stood at the entrance of the cave. Suddenly, a voice came to him and said, “What are you doing here, Elijah? ” (1 Kings 19:11-13)
Perhaps God wants to bring something of importance to your attention in the stillness you might be experiencing. I hope and pray you listen for His whisper, it is life-giving, love in action, and the anchor in the soul.
Jmegrey
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