Because every promise I make I surely break at the first sign of desire
To get what I want I'll walk into death's grip.
I cannot bring a single gift that I have not first rejected for myself, because everything I bring is something of a bribe with my desires again at the core.
Where is my love? Where is love at all?
The truth is I have none, and only Jesus can remedy my disease.
The cold, bare confusion and discontent of my own desires laugh at me, stare at me, cling to me, til all I am is trembling.
Give me the real Jesus I feel the cry rise in me.
Who is this imposter deceiving me?
Barking at me, teasing me, abandoning me, accusing me, condemning me!
Fooling me! Veiling light from me! Looming around me like dark shadows that try to scare me.
Jesus, I want to see You.
But my eyes cannot find You, please guide them to You. See there, in front of me. The cross is what I see.
My Savior who died for me, pronounced sin powerless over me, and clothes me in garments whiter than I can on earth even see! My shame is no more, Jesus your glory rises from my bedroom floor. Here You swell the truth to me: forgiven and loved
Knowing full well that i'd be on my knees tonight begging for Him to respond to me
Just give me Jesus is the song I hear and my eyes sting with the pain of tears that swell from what's opening in my heart.
I want the real Jesus, give me the real thing. I want the real Jesus and not some flat temporary feeling. I am blind and begging to see, wipe your spit and mud on me! I want to see! Because for far too long I've been lame at the gate with such little hope around me. But there You were! Jesus! You flooded light and hope and healed me! My broken legs jumping up to praise your glory, my dull eyes beheld Your face to see. Jesus it was You, Your beauty overwhelmed me.
I am the woman who was for 12 years bleeding, reaching in the crowds to touch just the hem of your clothing! You turned around and claimed "daughter!" To me! Oh I knew from there there was something more than healing that You gave me!
I am the blind, the lame, the deaf, the beggar and the little child your disciples tried to shoo away.
To know that You love me, all of it, all of You, not just a feeling or a touch but Your presence to be here with me in response to my crying. More passion! More passion. More passion! More passion! The real Jesus is passionate not this fake defeated heart. The real Jesus is King!
Who is this beggar in me, surely not the Lord of victory, but Jesus is this You? Is this You stirring me? Please tell me!
There is doubt in me like Peter when he walked on water and for a moment turned to the storm and the terrifying sea! Drowning Lord, save me!
This is me. Crying "Lord Save me!"
The sound of tempest threatens me, the onlookers judging me, your figure appears ghostly, but Lord if it's you then call me. It's all meaningless if I can't walk to You and feel your hand catch me above the sea right before the water swallows me, to stare at death in its weakness, while you hold on to me.
Not just a feeling, but Jesus I want You to be the One to catch me. When I fall on my knees to cry for what you died to give me, to be free, Lord I desire You to respond to me.
Take my fear and doubt away from me! Make me see! Make me see and give You glory! I was made to worship You, but Lord the passion seems far and faded and I am trembling.
My faith is weak Lord Jesus, do You see? You see the very worst in me, the selfish desires I grieve and endless manipulative thoughts in me, how I go back and forth and fail to see, that which You died to give me: The God of three. Magnificent is the glory! But my eyes Lord!
I look to You in the moment of defeat, do You still love me? What about the desires in me? Are they wrong of me? If so, please take them from me! Or is this a test to strengthen me? Do you want me to respond in faith when You save me? What is this? I will pray again for a million words to hear from the real Jesus. Beckoning me, to follow You in this life and into eternity.
The real Jesus who saved me, saves me from these earthly trivialities, and daily responds to me.
Stir up my passion for more ways to worship You. Then help me be still for the times I set out to walk in faith toward You. I will walk again on the water that leads to You, even if each time I almost drown because Your hand is what I want to reach me.
My Jesus is real to me, not a feeling of maybe or glimpses of some ghost on the sea, He is real to me! He catches me when I am drowning! This is Jesus who rescues me, the one who responds to me.
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