Before I study

Before I start my studies....

Father what is Your will 

And what is mine? 

Yours is good and beautiful and true

Mine is being redeemed to be good and beautiful and true.

Is Your will and my will the same?

No.  Clearly my will is meant to be transformed into Your will, but it still has corrosive, ugly, and false distortions to it.

Why?

Because I'm a sinner by nature (because of Adam--Not to blame Adam but to understand what it means to be created in need of the authority of a Creator.) 

How much of my will should I be okay with?

"Test and discern"

By grace.

Lord help me to keep my eyes on your goodness, beauty and truth.

Help me to put Your word before mine as a filter that helps my will be good and beautiful and true as Your image in me is redeemed to what it was originally intended to be.

What do You say about my studies?

To be diligent, but not anxious.

To be easy but not lazy. 

To be fun but not frivolous.

To take enough time to read but also enough time to reflect.

Take enough time to digest but enough time to continue on. 

Help me to navigate these boundaries.

As I go to the library Lord I pray that You go with me, go before me, and guide my mind and my body to be in submission to Your will as good, beautiful and true.

Help me not to be anxious, overwhelmed, bored, or confused.  But if I do become or start to become any of these things give me the wisdom to stop what I'm doing and seek Your face. 

“So the one who boasts 

must boast in the Lord. 

For it is not the one commending himself who is approved, but the one the Lord commends.”

2 Corinthians 10:17-18

What do You say about my work ethic? My study habits? 

My eating habits?

My conversations and relationships with others? 

My exercise regimen?

My reading and comprehension speed? 

My reflection times?

My instagramming? 

What do You think of me when I do anything? 

It matters to me what You think because You are my soul's love. 

You commend me not because I study well or because I don't get anxious, but you commend me because when You see me down here, You see that I am covered in the white robe that Christ's blood was shed to give me.  

So, I boast in You when I study.  I study well to magnify Your beauty to others.

I study and eat well to magnify how good and true You are.

I study, eat, exercise and talk to people in such a way that magnifies how good and beautiful You are, which is the truth.  

I do none of those things to be commended by You, but I do all from having already been commended by You.

I want to study well and teach Your word to others clearly and beautifully and humorously because you are clear and beautiful and humorous to me!  

If I fail to accomplish my task....

If my teaching or my studying is criticized by others, by me--though claiming I am doing all of these things just to magnify Your beauty and goodness and truth, yet seeing/hearing or feeling that I'm falling short of that task...if in fact I find that my teaching or studying or eating or being with people is not magnifying You...Father be gentle with me.  Let Your compassion face me.  Bring me into Your dwelling place of restoration and refreshment, so that with more of You I can again study, eat, speak and be to the praise of Your beauty, goodness and truth. 

Mark off where I am grabbing Your glory and where You are most glorified through my satisfaction in You.  

Both seem to be going for the same thing: satisfaction, but only one gets the reward. 

Glory is just an impression of the reward.

You deserve all the glory because You are God, and I want all the glory because I was made to want You. 

But sin rusted my image of You and made glory the ultimate gain.  But glory was always only meant to be an impression of who You are that I want. 

Now I find that I do want glory, and that's okay so long as I want glory because it is what I can give to You.  

You are my highest gain. 

Not glory. 

Glory will always just leave an impression, like smoke from a fire, but You give me Yourself.  You give Yourself, the One with all glory and honor and praise.  

So again, I'm about to head to the library to study and I know I'll be tempted to shirk from things that are boring, overwhelming, confusing or uncomfortable.  But may diligence flow not from the value of being good, since all my goodness comes from Christ having died for me, but from my time spent with You.  

Speak to me through the texts, through my peers, through the assignments and through what I see, hear, taste, and touch....and smell! Haha.

All things.

Keep me awake and alert for catching all the wonders that You are just in today. 

Amaze me with Your beauty. 

Capture me with Your truth.

Convince me with Your goodness.

I want to see You more and know You more in whatever means possible and available to me today. 

Change my heart from the distorted to the redeemed. 

Let hope be firmly anchored in my soul. 

May Your grace extend across my mistakes. 

Father, keep me close to Thee

"faithfulness, not success, is God’s measure of our service."

-my theology textbook