The secret place

This rain got me in the contemplative mood, but who am I kidding...I'm always in that mood, but the rain brought a special perspective to the process.  The scent of rain makes me think of good memories, or rather, of Christmas.

I need to be still sometimes. 

I need to wait and hear the voice of my Shepherd lest I fall into step with another. 

So I wait.

I hear the noises, the lies and threats, and I hear them but I know better now than to listen to them. 

Instead I wait and I worship and listen for His voice.  It usually comes as a flood, but today it came like the rain in soft drops.  I heard Him say He has me right where I need to be.

Then I started to think about His ways.

He has led me to love in such deep and satisfying ways.  

Because of Him I love my high school students and I get to be filled with the joy they bring into my life.  

Because of Him I love my friends more genuinely, and it's crazy because I never knew love could be so fulfilling without goals. 

When I'm with my friends or my high school students I have nothing to bring but myself in all of my unpredictable awkward strangeness, and then He turns that into a beautiful bond. 

I come weak and confused, much afraid and vulnerable, but He meets me every moment with His strength. He holds me and keeps me, but most of all He turns my negative things into glorious things! 

It's so clever, so genius.

I come as my deeply flawed self, but I am met with perfection. 

So today I've been thinking about Him and how His love snuffs out every fear.

So then it was strange to not be in fear, not even the fear of being back in fear again! Haha.  But I was so overwhelmed by His love that fear seemed so plastic.  It was uneasy to be so uneasy.  So perhaps the will of my Father is not for me to feel easy, but something else.

Something else....not easy but not fearful.

But not necessarily uneasy either.

Hmm, what could He mean by this? 

Filled.

The wick of my heart is to burn brighter like a million shooting stars! 

It's not easy, or fearful, or even uneasy, but wondrous!  

I think I'm afraid to be so....awestruck all the time because it makes me feel like I'm being childish, but I find that at the end of it all I am always caught up in some really enamored place in my soul as if Heaven is growing in my heart.  I come to this sweet secret place with the Lord, and I'm captured.  It's as if I stumbled into a new world where there is so much light and everything is made to glorify an awesome King.  And I am told that I'm a daughter of this awesome King.

It's all overwhelming and confusing and I feel very out of place at first. 

But then it starts to dawn on me that this is what I have been born to be.  

A daughter of the Awesome King. 

Nothing seems of higher essence than to be who I am in the secret place. 

Doesn't it sound silly?  Like a sci-fi movie haha, but I can't pretend like it's not awesome. 

The rain brings me to the secret place.