this guy keeps trying to love me, but it takes more than a cute face.
I saw a friend sitting just out of arms reach from me at church the other day, and I wanted to say hi since I was excited to see that we were in the same place at the same time. I couldn't get his attention without disturbing the folks around me. I thought about wadding up a piece of paper to throw at him, since he was just close enough for me to aim directly at his right ear, but i knew that was a terrible idea, considering where we were and how old we are, also I didn't have anything to wad. So then I realized that I wished I had an expandable stick in my purse to poke, or rather, gently tap those for just such occasions. I really just couldn't wait for the speaker to be finished to say hello, because I'm a NOW kind of person. Do the dishes NOW, pick up those socks NOW, drink coffee NOW, take a shower NOW, sweep all the floors NOW, even and especially when I don't have time or if something more important is pressing. So there I sat, wad-less, no expandable stick, and being a terrible whisperer, I waited. A bit squirmish in my seat, I thought about these compulsions in me. My impatience, my childish ideas, and even the strong desire in me to say hi to this somewhat acquaintance who I will probably never care to see again. Why.
Minds are an unanswerable question.
I heard someone say that man's biggest enemies are hunger, boredom, and loneliness. Think about those three things:
Hunger; we can't really think of much else or function very well when we are legitimately hungry. It's a good and healthy indicator for when we need to replenish our bodies, but it can also be abused when we over-eat, under eat, or damage our bodies with things other than food in order to suppress the hunger.
(alcohol, cutting, drugs, sex, etc)
Boredom; this one is big for me. It used to take a lot for me to get bored, I could entertain myself for hours (via writing, reading, painting, imagining, ...being colorfully and mentally uninhibited), but recently within the past 3 years I have dealt with so much inward deflection, a denial of sorts. At first it was just to appease my indecision regarding my path in life, then it was a coping mechanism for how completely off course things had turned out from what I had planned on. I stopped my ambition at the seedling stage, tore up the dirt, threw the seeds at the wind, and then felt terror when I realized what I had done. Thankfully, God had plans for me, albeit. Those seeds that were thrown in the wind were carried to all sorts of fertile ground. The only catch is that I have to travel some distances to care for each one, and they are all so very far apart. It's a lot of work, and I get distracted along the way. Sometimes I mistake the lengthy journey for boredom, forgetting that I am on my way to water the next seed. I don't really think this does much to describe how boredom gets me in a bad way, but it's what I thought about. I'm not really a television watcher, bar-drinker, or party person. I want for things to have meaning, and if they don't then I deflect, in other words I get bored.
Loneliness; I don't know about this one. I know a lot of people deal with this, but maybe I'm in some sort of sub conscious denial, but I don't really get lonely. I love my friends, so I suppose the only sort of loneliness I can think of is that of finding my mate for life. I guess it's pretty simple for me, and I'm willing to wait for the right guy at an older age, than the wrong guy right now. Sisters, let me just say you should have at least the following 3 standards for whoever you date:
1. He must love The Lord faithfully (not just emotionally), because a man who loves Christ knows how to treat a woman, not to mention that sexy integrity of his.
2. He must have a real job, or working toward having one. God said that men were to work, so if he's not working he's in direct disobedience to Christ, which negates number 1.
3. He must NOT pressure you to get too physical. A man who guilt trips you or whines/complains about wanting things to get more physical (even if it's not sex) is an immature little boy, and trust me, I was nanny for a good enough time to know that little boys will drain the life out of you. This one is pretty fool-proof for separating the men from boys.
----
It's been about me, and it's time for me to not be afraid.
sometimes I reminisce about all the good times,
but through these waters I wade,
past all these island memories,
my arms numb from the paddling
letting the scent of hope guide me.
No comments:
Post a Comment