I love sweet potatoes, black beans, hummus and avocados, tempeh with quinoa, and almonds with raisins.
That's a particular of mine. Some folks love burgers and fries, ice cream, sushi, and lobster. I don't. We are all so different, but the core of the human heart is identical. Not similar, but identical. We yearn for that deep and inexplicable something.
I have this confusing fear that seems to build walls around me (mostly at night) and it feels like I'm trapped. These deceptions, which I have mentioned before as "shadows", are projections of my fears from things from my past, present and future. Some of the shadows bring an onslaught of grief, while others bring a bubbling of anxiety that starts to get out of control, spilling onto everything. Then all I FEEL like doing is anything to ignore them, but my feelings betray me every time. Feelings tell me I don't want to deal with any of my fears, but the truth (the Word of God) tells me plainly the following:
1. That He will take care of me when I give him all of my fears and doubts about life and my future
Rom 8:31 What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?
32 He who did NOT SPARE HIS OWN Son, but gave him up for us all— how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us ALL things?
2. That the choice is simple-- my feelings deceive me into thinking it's difficult or even impossible. I can choose life or I can choose death, and that if i choose life God will see me through to reaping that life in abundance.
Deuteronomy 30:19,20
19 This day I call the heavens and the earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live
20 and that you may love the Lord your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him. For the Lord is your life, and he will give you many years in the land he swore to give to your fathers, Abraham, Isaac and Jacob.
3. That I need not be afraid or terrified because the Almighty is always with me.
Deuteronomy 31:6
6 Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”
4. That when I became a child of God He breathed life and power into my spirit so that I am no longer timid, but rather graced with power, love and SELF CONTROL.
2 Timothy 1:7 (amplified version because it's spot on)
7 For God did not give us a spirit of timidity (of cowardice, of craven and cringing and fawning fear), but [He has given us a spirit] of power and of love and of calm and well-balanced mind and discipline and self-control.
I have to keep reminding myself, bopping those pesky ground hog-like fears back into the ground where they belong, that my feelings are usually not a good indicator of how I should react since we are so naturally inclined to fear, anxiety, selfishness, and a sense of entitlement. Fair is not equality, if that were the case we would not be here today. Fair is knowing the truth, and choosing to walk toward it or away from it. We each choose our path in life, whether we want to admit it or not, we plant seeds and get exactly what we've sown. We should not expect one thing when we've planted another. You want a certain crop, in my case that would be a writing career, healing, and to have a real relationship with Christ, then I need to start sowing into those things. That means writing more, maybe attending some workshops, submitting my work, and as for healing and my relationship with Christ, that is waking up and praying and surrounding myself with godly friends, and reading the Word daily. Sorry, I'm rushing to finish this post because I have to go into work soon, but this morning I met with some of my church friends for an early morning bible study that we do every friday and it was The Lord reminding me, once again, how tremendously He loves me. His love was apparent through the love that flowed from my friends, and I am so grateful to know them, and to be able to confide in them.
He loves you so much.
-J
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