I can actually be aware that I'm breathing, that I'm ok, and that things are not as terrible as I tend to make them out to be. In fact, they are not terrible at all...ok no, some things still feel and look pretty grim, lets not get carried away. Ha. But I've got good music and graceful weather to alleviate some of the trembles. Not to mention decaf coffee with soy milk, my laptop, and about 3-4 hours of time to write and write til my fingers start rebelling. I can't believe I still get bogged down by the same worries that I have dispelled with the Word of Truth time and time again. So this is nice, the time. Time to do what I love (right here/write here hehehe), watch the rain, and listen to music ...pretty loudly in my headphones. I don't listen to music very often, but that's what makes it so much more sweeter when I do finally get to. Human nature is so fickle. We want so much of something or someone, but when we get a surplus of it or them we don't know what to do with all of it, we get bored with it/them, we start thinking it's/they're not that great, but when we are deprived of something/someone and experience it/them in small waves, we love them like savory short-lived Joy morsels. It takes more than our feelings to sustain a hobby or relationship. It is about persevering through the not-so-lovely phases, because we build foundations that will last in the long run in doing so.
It's easy to do what we feel like doing, but if you're like me (which most of you probably are ;) then you're a selfish, lazy, decrepit little mind, over eager and just as readily deflated by the complications of getting what you want. I want to be good, to do the right thing, make good and moral decisions, but I have found that where there is good there is also bad, and I often find myself fighting to be "good". When it's me trying to win, I find that I'm up against something much bigger than myself....and I need Jesus. I’m a thousand broken shards of glass, and Jesus builds me up again into a perfectly transparent figurine. I’m so beautiful when I’m in the hands of Christ, but then I jump out and shatter on the ground again thinking this time will be different because circumstances are in my favor (or at least they appear to be) and like an idiot I crash to the ground. The most amazing thing about this whole analogy is that Christ, my Love, never gives up on me…because He loves me that much. Have you ever liked or loved someone so much that no matter what they did you still forgave and forgot about it, just to give them love again? Maybe not, but I have, and it’s an almost impatient kind of excitement, that waiting, waiting for them to come back for more lovin’, because it brings you joy to be able to give them that love. I imagine that's how God sees me, this dumdum jumping out of His hands all of the time, following my selfish desires, and then He eagerly picks up every piece of me, wipes off the filth that I thought would cling to me forever, and builds me up again, completely perfect; Ravishingly beautiful in His hands.
As I'm looking out the window of this coffee shop, I realize that focusing on the raindrops isn't as lovely as looking past the raindrops. You know how you can focus in on one or the other, like a camera zoom lens, the portrait of the day outside looks so much more spectacular through these unfocused raindrops. I don't think it's a coincidence. This is just another parallel for who we are when we identify as a child of the one and only King. Our past mistakes, present failures, doubts, anxieties, all of that are the raindrops that will inevitably fall in our lives, but when we look past them we see how good God is, how He uses our weaknesses for the beauty of His power. His grace. His Love. Goodness! My fears are the raindrops that do nothing but accredit how all things give God glory. Every fear of mine will and must bow down before my Saving Grace, Jesus. So maybe I'll always have these pesky fears of mine pop up like the groundhog game at chuckie cheese's, but I just have to bop them on the head, put them back in the ground where they belong, and laugh about it. It's ridiculous to let fear become anything more than an annoying groundhog. Because it says in Isaiah 41:10:
"So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."
It's easy to do what we feel like doing, but if you're like me (which most of you probably are ;) then you're a selfish, lazy, decrepit little mind, over eager and just as readily deflated by the complications of getting what you want. I want to be good, to do the right thing, make good and moral decisions, but I have found that where there is good there is also bad, and I often find myself fighting to be "good". When it's me trying to win, I find that I'm up against something much bigger than myself....and I need Jesus. I’m a thousand broken shards of glass, and Jesus builds me up again into a perfectly transparent figurine. I’m so beautiful when I’m in the hands of Christ, but then I jump out and shatter on the ground again thinking this time will be different because circumstances are in my favor (or at least they appear to be) and like an idiot I crash to the ground. The most amazing thing about this whole analogy is that Christ, my Love, never gives up on me…because He loves me that much. Have you ever liked or loved someone so much that no matter what they did you still forgave and forgot about it, just to give them love again? Maybe not, but I have, and it’s an almost impatient kind of excitement, that waiting, waiting for them to come back for more lovin’, because it brings you joy to be able to give them that love. I imagine that's how God sees me, this dumdum jumping out of His hands all of the time, following my selfish desires, and then He eagerly picks up every piece of me, wipes off the filth that I thought would cling to me forever, and builds me up again, completely perfect; Ravishingly beautiful in His hands.
As I'm looking out the window of this coffee shop, I realize that focusing on the raindrops isn't as lovely as looking past the raindrops. You know how you can focus in on one or the other, like a camera zoom lens, the portrait of the day outside looks so much more spectacular through these unfocused raindrops. I don't think it's a coincidence. This is just another parallel for who we are when we identify as a child of the one and only King. Our past mistakes, present failures, doubts, anxieties, all of that are the raindrops that will inevitably fall in our lives, but when we look past them we see how good God is, how He uses our weaknesses for the beauty of His power. His grace. His Love. Goodness! My fears are the raindrops that do nothing but accredit how all things give God glory. Every fear of mine will and must bow down before my Saving Grace, Jesus. So maybe I'll always have these pesky fears of mine pop up like the groundhog game at chuckie cheese's, but I just have to bop them on the head, put them back in the ground where they belong, and laugh about it. It's ridiculous to let fear become anything more than an annoying groundhog. Because it says in Isaiah 41:10:
"So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."
If God said it, it's true. Don't believe the lies in your head that try to scare you, they're just raindrops that require you to refocus your gaze past them into how beautiful life in Christ really is. Then you can take a step in the right direction, toward the destination you want to go to, rather than the one you keep ending up at. Let me rephrase that: I need to start taking steps in the right direction to get where I want and need to be, rather than thinking mere intentions will get me there as I take steps in the wrong direction. Dumdum. Choose to live, and be ravishing in His hands.
-J
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