The War is Now

I'm reading "Anything" by Jennie Allen and she writes:

"It should not surprise us if life is hard, especially if we love Jesus.  We are at war-- not in heaven.  And yet it always does surprise us."

I keep finding myself at the front of the battle, seeing the opposition, and cowering back into fear, forgetting that I fight on the side of the Almoghty God.  I keep thinking God is more like a magical genie, or someone to smooth out all the rocky parts in my path so I can clearly step into the place He is leading me, but what if I'm going about this all wrong?  What if it isn't always so black and white, but it's a weed-whacking process to get to where God tells me to go?  Why do I think everything must fall into place for it to be from God?  That sounds so reversed to Matthew 7:14 

"14 But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it."

Only a few find it.  That seems to mean that obedience to God is something we do with great effort and sacrifice.  It's not just some open door, (although it might be for you) I'm not going to say my convictions have to be your convictions in terms of how God is leading us, since we each have our purposes and unique functions, but I feel compelled that my idea of Gods "voice" has been wrong for quite some time.  And I'm still not quite sure, but I'm certain that the difficulty I feel inside of me when I face the opposition (to my obedience to Christ at a precise moment, usually in the night) is there because this is War, and so long as I am on this earth I can only choose one of two sides.  If I'm not on the side of Light then I am on the side of darkness.  

I can't keep expecting God to make my life easy, but I do.  I expect him to give me a writing career, an amazing husband, 4 kids, the ability to cook, and the motivation to exercise.  Ha.  It's crazy to write that and see how self-glorifying that is.  That's probably why God has not given me those things up until this point; perhaps His love is in showing me that the only thing that matters is that I learn to give Him all the glory first, and with that as the fulcrum I could glean the most pleasure from any blessing He could give me.  

But this is war, and wars are never easy. 

However...

Genesis 50:20 reminds me that

"As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good in order to bring about this present result, to preserve many people alive."

-J