So mosquito bites are still just as annoying as they have consistently been since my coming to mosquito city, I mean battambang ...hehehe, calm down. I'm calm. But really. God is talking to me here, or He's been talking to me, but I am only now beginning to hear Him. I trust that God is with me here, whether or not the people here are good or bad, God is good and He is with me. I feel blessed to be surrounded by people who speak truth and life to me about myself and about God. But most amazingly, I fear significantly less, and find such confidence in trusting God...not people. If I'm not making sense then I'll try to clarify or maybe, for once, I'll re read and edit. But even as I read Gods word I use a different lens to view the passages, and they make more sense to me and how I can actually apply them to my life.
Proverbs 9:4-10 (the message)
Wisdom invites everyone within sound of her voice:
“Are you confused about life, don’t know what’s going on?
Come with me, oh come, have dinner with me!
I’ve prepared a wonderful spread—fresh-baked bread,
roast lamb, carefully selected wines.
Leave your impoverished confusion and live!
Walk up the street to a life with meaning.”
7-12 If you reason with an arrogant cynic, you’ll get slapped in the face;
confront bad behavior and get a kick in the shins.
So don’t waste your time on a scoffer;
all you’ll get for your pains is abuse.
But if you correct those who care about life,
that’s different—they’ll love you for it!
Save your breath for the wise—they’ll be wiser for it;
tell good people what you know—they’ll profit from it.
Skilled living gets its start in the Fear-of-God,
insight into life from knowing a Holy God.
It’s through me, Lady Wisdom, that your life deepens,
and the years of your life ripen.
Live wisely and wisdom will permeate your life;
mock life and life will mock you.
Reading this I used to view it as me being the wise one trying to correct or rebuke others and I read this as markers of when I should stop wasting my breath on people. However, reading this now I see that it's talking about me and my character. How do I take rebuke? What is usually my reaction when someone corrects me? Do I walk away from a counseling session with more or less understanding? These are great indicators for myself, am I a mocker/scoffer (arrogant cynic) or am I walking in wisdom? Do I learn from my mistakes? Do I fear God? Do I understand things better because I know who God is and my position before Him or am I more appeased when things just go the way I think is how they should go?
Proverbs 9:4-10 helps me see myself for who I am in the responses I give when being corrected.
God is molding my character here, but obedience is so rough and uncomfortable and even annoying. To be frank and honest. I'm a very particular person, meaning I like to have things a certain way. I don't like talking a lot or listening to others talk a lot either, but it's not about me, it's about giving God all the glory, even if I have to sit through and stumble through a long drawn out conversation with someone completely different from myself. If I can display and give love to someone with that to glorify God then that's what I want to do. Living to do and get just what I want is not a life of joy, I've come to realize that. If I become content in my selfish ways, I have walked away from the gospel.
When it comes to change, no one, no one, no one has the excuse that they are a victim of some terrible situation and that's why they can't change. We have a choice, I have a choice, I can decide how to respond in any situation. I may not be able to control what is done to me by others or by things, but I always have a choice in how I choose to respond. I can respond in light of the gospel, or I can fool myself into thinking I am a victim and let pride rule my life. Let's say someone was raped, bullied, and lost all their family members to a tragic death in life. That person is then confronted with the gospel, the truth that God loves them, and that His holiness sets Him above and apart from all sin. That person can choose to recognize that and walk towards a life of joy in knowing that God loves them and that He is good, or that person can choose to live in fear and distrust and hurt. Regardless of our circumstances, we have a choice, and the choice may be more difficult for some than others, but the fact is that there is indeed a choice.
We decide if we will change.
I hope I choose to change and draw closer to God, letting go of every fear, fear of what people think of me, fear of the future, fear of inadequacy, fear of not being loved, fear of sharks haha. Every fear must GO! I only want to fear God and walk in humility before Him, walk in the grace He pours out on someone so selfish and arrogant as myself, to come alive in Christ and be more bold, more confident, more full of joy and love and patience and peace. God is so good, because that is just who He is. I am not good at all, even my good deeds are dirty compared to how good God is, I am seeing things a little more clearly each time, and there is so much more joy in knowing who I really am and who God really is and then to realize that He loves me.
Know God, and you will gain understanding (if you're confused). Then you will begin to fear God as you know Him, and wisdom will begin to grow in your decisions (and how you respond to circumstances and people in your life). But the fact is you have to know who God is first.
Who is God to you?
Answer this by looking at your life.
Your responses to bad situations, good situations and confusing situations; this will help you answer this more clearly. Just be honest with yourself. If you believe in God then at least you can know that you may fool others but you cannot fool God.
I hope you will choose to know God, because He is so good. God has taught me so much since being here, and this past week The biggest lesson I learned was that God sees my heart, and if my heart is pure before Him, then whatever happens whether I make the wrong or right decisions He will make all things work out for my good, but the key factor in that is my heart (my motivations, my intentions, my fears) So i have less of a fear in my confusion and people and feel so much more confident in Him, and I want that everyone to experience this confidence! It's so awesome! My life is not perfect; I still have other fears and there is lots of work I need to do to change, but I can honestly say that I would rather be where I am now than where I was before coming to this step closer toward God.
Choose God. Because man, He is so good. Just who He is, if you really knew Him, will change your life.
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