You are worthy

Preh vihear

Day 1.

Power outage = no fans = more sweating = joy to suffer for His Name's sake!

Day 3, still no electricity, so no fans for this horrible heat and humidity.   4 showers in one day.  My record.  It comes to a point where you just accept the sweat.  It will not cease.  So I embrace the sweat.  Sleeping in my pool of sweat with prickly heat powder all over my neck and arms and behind my knees.  I look like a sad clown.

But the mornings are always merciful.  The air moves a little bit so as not to stay stagnant with the moisture.  

Day four, we are about to eat our meal in pitch black darkness (all our phones, flashlights, and computers have died, their batteries having been spent on cooking, showering, and checking the time.  I sit herein the dark.  I want to go home, I don't want to be here.  I won't be able to see and pick out the bugs that fly into the food, I won't be able to see the toilet or the sink or even the steps to go up to my room.  I am wishing I was not here, wishing I was anywhere but here.  My clothes stick to me like glue, I have so many Mosquito and other bug bites that I have scratched til they bled, and earlier today I slipped in the bathroom.  Pretty much my worst nightmare.  I banged my elbow, back and butt.  But worst of all, I fell in the squatty potty bathroom.  I'm so disgusted.  I want to burn my clothes.  Scrub my body til I take off a layer of skin.  

Yet here I am.  And it's not so bad, because I am reminded that God loves me.  I am loved by God, the only One who can hold the seasons in His hands, the oceans in His palm, and the One who made me, Jamie.  I am loved by Him.  

Why does He love me?  I slipped in a disgusting bathroom, I'm coated in sweat, I am so dirty!!!  

This is not so different from my spiritual self.  I am filthy in my sin.  Though my physical eyes cannot see my sin for what it is, I now have a really accurate assumption for how it must be like in the light of God.  This sin is disgusting, it can't enter into the presence of my Holy God.  

Thank God for sending his Son to take away my sin by taking it all to the cross and putting it into the grave, he nullified my sin by dying for me.  There was no way for me to come to God, and Jesus made a way by making the biggest sacrifice, Himself, for us.  So now my sin has been nullified.  Why then do I continue to live as though my Jesus did not die for me?  Or why do I choose to walk in sin rather than toward God?

It is because I am being renewed day by day.  I can slip and fall again, but I am not unable to be clean again.  I am able to be clean again.  Because of Jesus.  So I get up, I may have a few bruises and sores, and dirty clothes, but these are temporary.  I will heal, and I will be clean again, whole again.  So in my sin, I repent,  I renew my mind through Gods Word, and know that I will achieve fullness in Him.  It is a daily renewal.  

Our power came on.  I almost cried, and we all screamed hysterically out of so much happiness.  

But thank You God for showing me Your mercy again in the suffering.  

By Your mercy I am here in Cambodia, because You love me I am facing all kinds of trials to strengthen me, and because You have anointed me I am able to struggle with all Your energy to walk into Your perfect will for my life.

You are worthy of it all.

I'm sorry for not believing that at times.