It is not about me.

Who is jamie? 

Am I one to say this should be mine? 

Or am I in a place to say that I should have something more than someone else? 

Is that not just a selfish ambition? 

"Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves."

(Philippians 2:3 ESV)

-seriously that is such a difficult verse to apply in my life. 

Is not even just a cool breeze a gift? 

I cannot control the weather, therefore by design I am just one experiencing what is given to me.

If a blistering heat is bearing down on me I have nothing but to stand under it. 

If a cool breeze rushes all around me, refreshing my skin, then I am filled with gratitude! 

But I find in me a groaning when I get what I do not want.  Like searing heat.  As I examine the place from where this stems it seems to come from my perspective that I should have what I want, and when I don't have it I should do whatever it takes to get it...why?  Because nothing else matters, no one else matters but myself.  This perspective appears to be comfortable, nice and self preserving, but in fact, so much of life is out of my control.  I cannot control the weather, my organs, my breath, the people around me, or even the drool that comes out when I sleep!  

Therefore my life becomes a constant struggle for things I have no full power over (I can change things that might help to steer or increase chances of certain things towards my desired direction, but for the most part I am just a product of what happens as it happens.). If this is so, would it not be more wise then to live as one who takes both the bad and the good as just life itself, all the more being full of thankfulness for when something good happens?  (And I have noticed that when I am renewing my perspective that way there are so many good things that happen to me everyday.). 

When I stop complaining and start just understanding that this is life, then when a cool breeze comes, or I am given a fresh slice of pineapple, or I wake up and I feel awake and eager to go about my day, I see life from the present lens, I see Gods love, His gifts to me, and the joy of being thankful for every good thing.  Since every good thing comes from Him. 

" Everything good comes from God. Every perfect gift is from him. These good gifts come down from the Father who made all the lights in the sky. But God never changes like the shadows from those lights. He is always the same."  - James 1:17

When I am thankful I am happy, for what I have was a gift and that means I am loved! 

When I am complaining, all I see is how I should have more (for no other reason than because that is what I want, regardless if others have it or not...it makes no sense). From this view I feel less valued, ungrateful, and I start to shrink back from life, hoping in the future for things to get better and missing out on all that life is right now, today.  

I want to wake up every morning and think: 

Today is going to be an adventure.

Or 

Today is going to be the best day of my life.

Or 

Today I'll see something epic.

Why?  

Because I serve a God who rains down adventure, best days, and epic sights, and so much more beyond the parameters of my feeble scope.  

Yes, the heat, the bugs, the dirt the food is all difficult and often uncomfortable.  However, it was never my God's intention for me to suffer, but His intention was for me to come to Him so that I would rest in the fullness of God where nothing can take my joy, and nothing can overcome me.  Right now I'm still affected by my circumstances, I still get angry and irritated at having to take out the trash crawling with red ants in the fierce heat, or having to sit in lecture for 3 hours drenched and itchy.  

But once in a while I get a glimpse of Him, and this joy just fills my heart!  I am still sweating but it doesn't bother me.  I don't even notice it!  It's weird, but when my heart is fully set on God, I become invincible.  Nothing can separate me from His love and the joy that He fills me with!  

Of course these are still but glimpses, moments, that I hope will turn into days, then weeks, months, then years, and perhaps by Gods grace I will wake up one morning and look back at the journey God took me on to be at a place where He is really all I want, all, ....even if I lose my job, my family, my sight, or all my money, I will have joy because I only need Jesus.  Then my joy would last for eternity.  

So I press on.  

By His mercy.

By His grace.

Holy and loved. 

J