Nothing is as sweet to my eyes and my ears and my mouth as Your voice speaking to me, but still I find myself time and time again back in the garbage digging around for things I threw away. Why did I end up here but for my own carelessness in seeking You every day. I don't want to lose the treasure of knowing You intimately.
My heart gets cold and dead, and I start to feel the pain of distance from You. I want to be near You, and in Your complete words that fill my mouth and spirit with sweetness. I can forget how You spoke to me, because Your words brought life and joy, peace and courage to my crushed spirit. You fed me daily with Your truth of who You are, and what You do with those that are soon to be with You in eternity. How You watch their every thought, protect their kingdom hearts, and know a trial before it touches them. You know when I rise and when I go out, You see when I move and hear what I say before the words leave my lips. God, You are always present, always watching, and Your presence is there even if I don't always sense or remember it is You.
The days are evil because they do much to help me forget. I forget the instant I feel alone, or the instant physical pain discomforts me, but I forget most when I harbor sin inside of me, cherishing it for the temporary consolation and companionship it brings. Lord, You know these things already, and You know my thoughts deep within that go against Your power and Your Name. So I pray for ever more grace and compassion to be shown to me, and I confess, I admit Lord, that I am unwilling to give You all of me, I admit that I am afraid You might harm me, I admit that I have doubts that linger in the crevices of my mind that You see me, and I admit that I don't always want to do what is right because I don't trust that You know better than I do. Lord, my heart is black and my mind guards it. Jesus only You can save me from myself.
“He is able to save to the uttermost those who draw near to God through him, since he always lives to make intercession for them”
(Hebrews 7:25).
Christ You live always to intercede on behalf of those who call on You. I cannot tear down the guards in my mind, nor can make what is dark in my heart to be light, only You can do all this, and I pray that You do this for me today....and every time in after when I forget.
even the darkness is not dark to You. The night shines like the day; darkness and light are alike to You. For it was You who created my inward parts; You knit me together in my mother’s womb. (Psalms 139:12-13 HCSB)
You know me because You made all of me. Every thought, word, desire and gift to make something for Your kingdom, but when I use those means for other ends I am the one who suffers. Remind me that You are good and that Your love is great, because I it is, and I know this is true, but I forget because of the weakness in me.
Weakness that brings me to my knees and also drives away my inclination toward exalting myself. I am nothing without You. I shrivel apart from You. Nothing I do on my own amounts to anything lasting because You alone are forever, and by Your grace You've shown me well that fleeting pleasures end up in the garbage, but eternal treasures and knowing You are worth everything I have. My entire life is but a small price to pay for the glory of riches that You give me, and when You speak I am firmly reminded of this epic reality.
Lord, my prayer is this: that You would speak to me, and open my mind to hear Your words.
Peel off my expectations, sweep away my doubts, swaddle my weaknesses in Your arms, and when I close my eyes from the sin in me, I pray You kill all of it with Your mighty hand so that when I open my eyes I will see desolation of what You have slaughtered for me. It is always another sweet reminder of how You are my refuge and the One who goes before me, You are mighty to save, it is You who makes the darkness light, and only You.
Again, I pray, Father speak so that I listen. Bring back Your promises into my mind and write them upon my heart. May I never be far from Your words that powerfully protect me. Every thing will end at some point, but Your words are forever.
Do I get to have Your words and be filled by them so that I do not fade as well?
In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.
Life was in Him, and that life was the light of men.
(John 1:1, 4 HCSB)
You gave Your life to give me light, and I thank You....I thank You with words in prayer now, because that's what I have right now, but when the time comes and I am given (by You) an opportunity to thank You in some other form (serving, giving money, singing, whatever it may be) I pray that You subtly remind me of how I can give You thanks with what I am given. All of me is Yours and that's what makes my life light up.
Speak Lord, search my heart, know my way, and if there is any part of me that is not in You, take it down.
:)
In Jesus' name I pray,
Amen.
Jmegrey
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