Prayer

Abba Father,

I can sense a need in my heart that needs Your attention, Your love and Your gentle comfort.

Father, I am so lost in this wide open space of so much unfamiliar and unknown.  I feel overwhelmed by what's "right" and what's "wrong" and I just need Your embrace to remind me that it is finished.  I need Your voice to silence the echoes of my old self, to clear away the fog in my head that tries to confuse me of my rightful place next to You.  I am here, and I want You to be here too.  You meet all my needs, and I don't want to forget who I am in You.  

When I feel this pain or fear of losing my value, when my identity shifts and falsely threatens to make me less than who I am in You, less than perfect, I get weaker and weaker.  I become so weak and brittle, my sense of self gets in critical condition, and I feel pressed down within me.  I don't like this feeling, but I know that I must acknowledge it because I cannot meet my needs.  I need You to meet my needs of being whole and fully accepted and fully loved as I am, myself.  My naked self, my soul is bruised and I need Your gentle hands to carry me to You.  

I am Yours and You are my Abba.  I have You to whisper the meaning behind all that happens to me, and You always meet my curiosity with kindness.  You delight at my approach and You never keep Your love hidden or obscured from me for longer than I can bear, but You know exactly what I need to know Your love even more deeply than before.   You see me now in my state of broken helplessness.  I can barely make my way towards You, but You run toward me.  You run toward me.

Here I am, Abba.  And here You are.  Tell me what's going on.  Will You show me what is going on?  Where is my fear coming from?  

People are hard work.  

Why does it feel like I will lose something when I know that I have all that I need in You?  Why is the lie of losing out so strong?  I feel it in me like knives at my throat, the sharp points inching tighter and closer to my tender neck, and it feels so threatening!  It feels real!  What's more real, the feelings or You? 

So I present my feelings to You.  Restore truth to them.  Let truth-telling take place and dissemble the knives that lie to me.  I will not stand to let a single lie try and keep me from You.  But I am powerless to do anything about it.  You can restore my lies back to the truth.  So here they are.  You know them already, because You know me inside and out.  I surrender these ugly lies that feel so real to me.  I surrender them.  

In Jesus' name.

All my fears and all my doubts, I'm giving them to You.

Jmegrey