Grace and trial

Today I feel like I have nothing together.

I just want to stay in one place by myself and breathe.

I don't want to meet anyone, write anything (even though I'm writing this), or even do something I normally enjoy doing like taking a walk or ...even read...although I'll probably read soon.  I can't pray, I can't talk, I can't read the bible, and I don't want to do any of that.

I'm not trying to get happy or make myself feel better... Although in some sense I am, but I want to be myself. Just like this.  Unmoving.  Without a care.  Except I have a million cares flying around my head like an annoying cloud of gnats. 

So what is it, what is it that You are doing now Lord? 

I pray for wisdom to understand my situation and wisdom to discern the way my heart feels, wisdom to draw from what my head knows, and self control from what my sinful nature desires all the time. 

What is it?  Please.  Just tell me what to do, but don't tell me to do nothing.  Although the nothing is all I can do. 

A grace and a trial in one.

Jmegrey.