Let me not float away from the winds my feet have been carried on these past few months...
Walking through the almost impeccable streets of California on an early 6:27am morning, I am flabbergasted by the calm I hear. The very scent of pine and chill winds bring a kind of carefree coating to my bones. It's beautiful here, but alarming to know that just a week ago I was suffering in a terrible sweaty heat with a mind to never take for granted the very basic blessings such as a cool breeze. Yet here I am, and gratefulness is not what I feel, rather I feel calm and "just right" as if this was something I had orchestrated (or expected) to fit my preferences rather than a blessing to behold in all it's magnificent and wondrous glory! That God above would so graciously give me a breeze, while my friends in Cambodia are in the sweltering heat of hot season. I might think this was natural because they're in Southeast Asia and I am in the states, but does a breath leave my lips without the mystery of repeating itself on close examination? In other words, when I think about it, who causes the seasons to fluctuate and transition? Who holds the skies in the hollow of the hand? Who says to the rain, "pour down" and then to the wind "run fast!"
I may be experiencing good weather but am I protected by a feeling of invincibility, that I will be just fine so long as I feel fine and comfortable?
Can I control if my heart suddenly stops or something bursts in my brain or if a car skids and suddenly runs me over? I don't want to find solidarity in any of the blessings God gives me; I want to be thankful for them and enjoy them, but they must never take precedence over my love for God. To love God even if i had none of this, to love God more than I love anything else so that in that I can freely be content in whatever environment or situation I find myself in. So long as I am with God, in His presence, there will I find true solidarity and joy.
It is alarming that I can easily forget this crucial truth, so it's now my prayer that I be reminded everyday of it. To protect my joy and my faith, which lead me into a real relationship with God.
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(A few days later...)
The scent of my neighborhood is "Safety" and I find it strangely unsettling. As if it's a strong perfume used to cover the reality of poop. Comfort is deceptive, a reality I learned from Cambodia. I wanted to be happy, I always want to be happy, and now I have discovered a joy that transcends the temporary reliefs that I have often sought after. Yet it is not that I should demonize mere comfort or the scent of pine and jasmine outside my door, because I can enjoy them thoroughly when taken in as gifts given to me out of the great love and seemingly greater grace of God, but when I expect or desire them as rights of mine that I must have in order to be happy, then I immediately lose the foundation of everlasting joy. So, grateful that I am for the lovely aroma on my walk outside, I remain more impressed by the overwhelming goodness that God would also take it away from me at times to reveal it's inevitable expiration date. So that the root of my joy is not in the blessing, but in the God who gives them.
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So now as a believer of God, I find myself looking at the path before me. Taking conscious steps forward in the direction of knowing Him more and peeling off those things that have weighed me down on my race toward being useful for His kingdom. As I take these basic beginning steps of what is surely a genuine progression to a real goal (and not just some abstract idea that maybe this is the way or maybe not), I am discovering more questions. More and more I have to ask God because the more intentional I get the more explicit my seeking becomes and that leads to all kinds of questions!
So the past few months I have been swimming in magnificent grace, the freedom of knowing I am perfect in Gods eyes because Jesus purposed for me to have no more sin through His death. So though sin is still vigorously alive in and around my life, the blood of Jesus takes precedence over all of that and by His grace I get to walk into a sinless identity through Christ. Basically, as I have written before it is a changing room. Christ places new sinless clothes upon myself the moment I walk to Him (in my sin) and I come out clean...no charge, no cost, no nothing, just absolutely free and undeserved grace.
Today and lately I am learning about the Holy Spirit. When I read the bible it talks a lot about how we are given God's Holy Spirit in us to walk in righteousness, not by our efforts to "be good" or "be changed" but solely because God's Spirit is in us, and His Spirit has power. That power is what enables us to change. His Holy Spirit is the agent that strips us of our old ways of doing and thinking things and creates in us a new heart, new thoughts and a new lived out life ...all of which produce those lovely benefits in Galatians 5 (love! Joy! Peace! Patience! Kindness! Goodness! Gentleness! Self-control!)
So the question is...how do we get the Holy Spirit? Do we just ask? And if we do ask, must we be sincere or is desperation with reluctance acceptable too? How do we know if we are sincere? Are we not always wanting to have all that the power of the Spirit will give, but also to hold onto the sin in our lives that give us our tangible spurts of pleasure?
When asking for the Holy Spirit what do we need to do in order to "turn on" the overflow of His power in our lives?
How do I become "filled with the Spirit"? (Ephesians 5:18)
According to the bible here is what you begin doing when filled with the Holy Spirit:
"addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart, giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.
(Ephesians 5:19-21 ESV)
But that still doesn't quite answer my question. So I'm digging more until I become satisfied with an answer.
So as Paul is writing to the churches and giving them instructions for how to walk in the Spirit, I wonder then, since the Holy Spirit is what transforms us yet we still have to make our own decisions to walk in the Spirit, how then does the Spirit transform us if we are still the ones making decisions? Obedience? I don't know, but to me that sounds awfully like making a strong effort (to obey), but isn't it true that we need the Spirit to help us make those decisions? So when does the power of the Holy Spirit start working and when do we make a decision? Which comes first?
More on that in my next post as I go digging into the bible and conversing with God in prayer.
I anticipate my findings, because I am only a glob of countless questions, so answers are how I know The Lord speaks to me.
Inquisitively,
J
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