Just come back.

I forget about who God is many times when I look around me and there is trouble.  It isn't until I am so distraught by circumstances and so overwhelmed by my worries and fears that find I only have hope in One.  (This usually begins with boredom or some kind of idea rooted in my selfish ambitions of wanting recognition and admiration- it never appears dangerous at first, always a gradual turning) Yet there He was even before I saw trouble, He was there in the midst of it, from the moment I looked away He was there calling me back through His Word, and thankfully remains there in my acknowledgment of His presence.  However, I am the one who turns around and frantically starts trying to build my life with my own means, using whatever I find, and making low quality shelters that only sometimes appear stable from the outside.  What is more important, the outward appearance or the actual condition of what is there.  If something is broken, no matter how "put together" it may look, it is broken and no longer useful til it is fixed.  I may look at the clock and think, "what a well crafted, impeccable clock", but if the clock is stopped or is displaying an incorrect time, then it no longer serves the purpose for which it was crafted, beautiful as it may be.  It takes on the form of "decoration", but loses its purpose.  This is exactly how I see myself when I turn from God to other things.  I begin to lose the very thing for which I was created (namely to glorify my Maker), and I revel in the admiration of others.  I become a decoration, whether beautiful or unique, I am just an inanimate object no longer serving my purpose.  Soon enough my soul begins to turn within me, and I become dissatisfied with things.  Why is admiration from others not enough?  Didn't I want that?  And didn't I receive it?  As with all inanimate objects, in time they become dusty and neglected, because the admiration they receive comes from fickle human beings who, themselves, were also made to enjoy objects as blessings but never as an eternal treasure.  Perhaps they merely lose interest, is that abnormal?  Not in slightest.  Yet I crave it, the interest of others upon me.  I crave their attention and their respect, their admiration and even their passion!  I want it, and as I do I turn from pointing to God to pointing to myself.  I become so proud when I do receive such notice, as if in those moments I am invincible.  I am a well crafted clock with a few excited eyes on me...as I tick backwards and ignore the fact that I am broken.  I focus all my attention on their attention, and it is easy to feel good because outwardly all appears to be going well.  Then, a few eyes turn away, and I begin to look inward at the meaninglessness of my function.  I serve a purpose that is less than what I was made for.  I feel within me the backward ticking, and I somehow long to be made right again.  To display time correctly as is my purpose.  But in that moment I realize that if I turn from them to God I will possibly lose that feeling of their admiration.  All at once I desire to have both; my glory and to be fixed.  So then I find that I am a broken clock, ticking backwards, wanting to be fixed.  All I want is to be fixed, and I will do or say or feel whatever necessary to get what I want.  Inwardly I know I am broken, and a part of me longs to be more than a decoration, especially as admiration from others fades.  So I turn to my maker and ask Him to fix me, and when I don't get what I want I beg and I plead and sometimes He fixes me.  Out of sheer love He makes me as who I should be again, a clock that works, and things go smoothly.  I become satisfied again.  

"When I fed them, they were satisfied; when they were satisfied, they became proud; then they forgot me." (Hosea 13:6 NIV)

Sometimes getting what we want from God makes us proud and forgetful.  Better to be starved and near to Him who feeds us than to be full and far from Him who can feed us when we get hungry again (and we always get hungry again).  Of course He will not starve His children in His presence, but it is when we leave His presence that we cut ourselves off from supply.  What is real bread then?  It is the Word of God.  

Without it I am only temporarily satisfied.

Then I forget.  I forget how fleeting the love of others is, and how dissatisfying it is to serve a lower purpose.  I forget about God, and I focus on myself.  Look at me, I work and I'm impeccable, it feels so satisfying.  I shimmer and shine, until I don't.  Then what?  When all my heart is set on what will fade then when it fades (and it always does), then I fade along with it like a vulnerable vegetable trying to keep fresh as the weeks go by.  

I went from being a clock to a vegetable, but stay with me.  The point is, I am not very self-sustainable.  I either break down (as a clock often does in time-pun intended) or I begin to wither with the consequences of age.  On my own, I can become nothing more than a decoration.  I need something, I sense the deep truth in that, I definitely need something.  

I search and the only solution is found in God, because He supersedes time and mortality.  He creates more than just decorates.  When all that He makes is around Him, giving Him all glory, it is heavenly.  There is celebrating and singing, joy and peace, because the Maker can make things beautiful but He can also make things work.  He can fix and heal, and He loves when what He creates is shining around Him.  Doesn't it make sense to worship God?  To love Him and to live to be in His presence, serving Him?  

So I hear His voice in my pride, in my selfish ambitions that lead to dissatisfaction.  When all is as I want it to be, I forget God, but He has His ways, His gracious and merciful ways, that remind me once again that I am His and I was made to give Him glory.  Oftentimes His ways feel cruel, as if He is withholding good things from me, and I think if He would only give me what I need then all will be well, I will be happy.  I forget that when I am satisfied in just working again (as a clock or being fresh again as a vegetable, haha), I easily forget who I am and who God is.  My joy is rooted in my self, being looked at and admired rather than being in God.  Who can save me from myself, the self that eventually will fade away, break and die?

"What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this dying body?"  (Romans 7:24)

Only Jesus, who made a way back to God for me, and all that is required is to decide and go back.  

 There is no other lasting, superseding joy than that which comes from a lasting and superseding God.  

Come back to Him, He is waiting.  Just come back.

"But you must return to your God; maintain love and justice, and wait for your God always." (Hosea 12:6 NIV)

There is no fine print. 

Only the begging question: when will I finally get it?

And the reality that it is a decision. 

"Multitudes, multitudes in the valley of decision! For the day of the Lord is near in the valley of decision." (Joel 3:14 NIV)