Night and day

As thoughts rise like shadows in the dark

Against a fading light

Here in the night,

Unsteady in mind

Spiritually blind

Where does the light fade to?

Shadows roar but cannot snuff out,

the flicker is bright,

Though helplessly small to sight

A reminder that hope has yet to die

Beckons me to fight,

calls my heart to rest,

And stirs the words of prayer to best 

These looming shadows 

Unable to smother the light

No matter my fright

For even in blackest moment 

It still leads me to God's only sent.

Here in the night,

Here in the night.

--

That was last night.

--

This morning was refreshing.  I thoroughly enjoyed waking up and having half a watermelon, which I ate deliciously with a spoon like a bread bowl of clam chowder.  I never liked watermelons, but in Cambodia my taste buds shifted toward them because of the heat, and now I find them mouth watering!  Not to mention fun to eat right out of its half dome.  

Being back is oddly easy, but also displaced.  I was at an actual restaurant with my lovely and hilarious auntie last night, still wearing the exact pajamas I put on after getting off the plane (so perhaps I'm still not all put together here), and right away I felt like I entered the Capitol from district 12.  Everything was so glass walls and brass handle bars, pink hair and pale faces, crowded conversations and expensive plates of food.  I wanted to cry just from the sheer juxtaposition of my perspective and surrounding.  It was unsettling in a subtle way, and yet comfortably familiar.  Here is the first world, and back there was the third.  I don't know where I belong.  Obviously I love the ease, but inside I miss the daily appreciation.  I miss waking up to an outside morning, unfettered by billowy pillows and marshmallow blankets that make it difficult to get up.  The very thing that comforts me keeps me from other joys.  Yet, I know when I was in Cambodia the mornings were what comforted me from my lack of a good night's rest.  Sleeping in a bunk bed with bugs and cobwebs was never fun, so waking up to go outside was a grateful relief.  However, being back I'm robbed of that joy, replaced by a wonderful bed of which I am reminded is such a blessing.  

I know I left Cambodia early by choice because of many reasons, including the difficulty of coping with the heat and bugs, but being back home I strongly miss it.  I miss the community.  I miss riding my bike to the market or my favorite cafés.  I miss being an alien.  But I also love being able to wear the clothes that express my personality again.  No more drifit except when going to the gym, haha.  Now I'm just babbling.

I remember my letter to myself, I read it again.  

I have to keep reminding myself as I'm here, that I have important things to do that should not be forgotten.  Then I have to do them.

Darn this jetlag!  (Sleepy at 11am)

J