Love or infatuation?

"Love is based on knowledge.

Infatuation is based on ignorance. 

When we are infatuated with someone, 

that infatuation is fed by fantasy 

and is based on little 

or no true knowledge of the other person."

Love is based on KNOWING.

Bam.  And then you realize how unloving you really are.  I realize I don't really love people more than get infatuated by some and annoyed by others.  Sometimes this truth hits me like a slap in the face or as if God is shaking my shoulders and saying "Snap out of it!"  Love is real, and reality is what fuels love.  Stop fantasizing that love is this or love is that.  Love is real and the only way to it is through real people and a real God. 

 

I would add that love is scary and many of us choose for people to be infatuated with us because the fear of being truly loved is downright frightful.  Being truly loved risks being deeply rejected.  It risks being too exposed. 

Love scares the sh*t out of me. 

Infatuation is a way to hide our bad parts and only show what we think people will accept and like about us.  This way when rejection happens we can blame it on the other person more than on ourselves.  We don't want to feel like we are unlovable or being rejected in any way.  

We don't want to feel anything but loved and acceptable.  

So the enemy makes infatuation look better than real genuine love by appealing to our desires for comfort and security.  This is why most people remain content to say they know God loves them and that they love God without thinking they need to change certain habits.  They might say they need or want to change but it doesn't show in that they are completely hopeless and helpless until God changes them.  They're actually quite fine with minor stings or mental bruises that come more from guilt than from sorrow and agony over how much it hurts God.  The same goes with how we treat other people.  We say we love someone but when we don't get the response we want we are shocked by the audacity of their reluctance to meet our expectations.  Or we're just annoyed at the flatness of their company when we come with our full throttle genuine self.  Love is not a feeling or an expectation, it is the life of God flowing from one person to another in ways that are often mysteriously deep for us.  It is oftentimes built up by faith that God is present; that this dull moment or that painful response is actually still worthy to be met by our love for the other person because we believe God is with and in us, regardless of how it feels.  The feelings can reveal things about us that are true while not defining the overall situation accordingly.  We need to know what is for what.  

 

Even and especially with God.  

"Even God cannot reach you in a world constructed out of your imagination, for God is completely real. The only place a creature can hide from God is someplace that is not real." 

We think God will only accept us as good little boys and girls who obey all of His commands.  The problem is that we don't open ourselves to truth about how deep our sinful natures actually are.  We settle for an imaginary version of our sel and God being infatuated with us.  God loves us, and He is about genuine love.  He is about spending time with us, knowing our deepest hidden secrets, and being there for us to rely on in our most difficult times of need.  But He is first and foremost loving.  That means He will give us the help we need when we need it, the commands we need for helping us, and the response He gives us will be From Him and not from our selves.  

"When we are infatuated, we expect the other person to speak according to the script we have devised in our mind, and when the other person does not follow our preconceptions, we are struck by the dissonance." 

Has that ever happened to you?  With someone else, with God?

"If you are infatuated with a person in this way and then have an opportunity for genuine knowledge, the experience will be disappointing." 

If we retain infatuation then being with someone genuine will only be disappointing because they won't meet our expectations. 

Knowing the difference between love and infatuation is important because one is real and one is fake.  If who you think and perceive someone to be is always just that then you're likely self-deluded. 

Real people love.

Fake people are only infatuated.

Real God loves.

Fake God is infatuated.

Remember the difference today and let love have His way with you.

Jmegrey

PS: I hate that after writing this I feel as though I am so behind and that everyone knows this stuff in their actions already.  I'm just beginning to learn these things while all those people who have been deeply hurt multiple times are shaking their heads thinking "yep, real love is painful to get to, but is far more and greatly surpassed by the joy of reaching genuine love....but only AFTER GREAT PAIN.  In fact, the greater the pain, the greater the depth and joy of the love you find at the end of it all -- pain is a necessary process to love."  Or something like that.  For someone like me who has only experienced an inner pain more than an outward (with others) kind of pain, but realizing that the two are intimately connected, this is so revolutionary and scary.  I have tried to protect myself from pain by others, yet now I feel called to walk right into it if it means pursuing them in love.  Gah.  

All quotes taken from Laura Smit's book "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not"