When you can't sleep well

There's a war in my chest,

I cannot seem to rest,

There are two warring wants,

And my heart feels gaunt

I want to see the crazy and be still

But the opposition seems to kill

And how will I be good if I lose?

I simply cannot will to choose.

I can do nothing but cry,

The tension within coursing high 

God, my soul's love, are you there?

Show me Your face in my despair. 

I don't want to fear or self destruct 

So take my will and sovereignly instruct

For again and again I'm lost in Your love,

Nothing of me as my place is above. 

Father, Rescuer, here with me now,

I see no sure sign of why or how 

Why the desert and why the pain?

The way to You gets my heart slain.

Nowhere, nothing and no one knows

How the real difference really grows

To barely sleep because of shame,

Yet hear You call me back by name. 

Jesus, I look toward who You are 

my forever rising morning star

Broken and leaking, afraid I call

Kingly reigning, greatest treasure of all

So everything, so whole, so unbelievable 

My breath is caught up in Your throne

Lovely, lovely are You alone 

But to see You makes my heart groan

For through sins I see how you did atone.

I'm sorry. I fall so cowardly.

I'm so weak, this and that.

So torn inside as I think more deeply,

Your grace is where I sleep at. 

Jmegrey