Humble Formations

Help me God, my Father.

Help me.

I am in need of You.

Your presence. 

Your promises.

Your love.

You.

Now.

Here. 

I'm fading in the flesh.

____________________

Rising in Your Spirit. 

“Peace I leave with you. 

My peace I give to you. 

I do not give to you as the world gives. 

Your heart must not be troubled or fearful.”

John 14:27

Not the peace that the world gives which alleviates our present circumstances and provides instantaneous comfort by money, health, and safety.  

No, not that sort of peace ...

but one that transcends time.  

Peace that comes from knowing that the end is secured and finished for us, and that these present painful circumstances are bringing our hearts into humble formations.  

Humble formations are able to see the face of God as King and Father.  

Bowing our head in recognition of His authority and power, but being brought into a place of honor and glory as a son and daughter of God. 

Why do we forget so easily?

Our humility turns so quickly into pride as if we can't lose this last shred of dignity by recognizing our need and our weakness in some area. 

Why do the feelings leave us providing ample fuel for doubt to get the upper hand? 

When we start to feel unliked, unaccomplished, or left behind then the more we start to believe we are those things and then everything we learned and heard from God is suddenly out the window!  

Why do the days keep going on and on as they do? 

No matter how much I want to think this moment matters in getting what I want, which I can never truly actually pinpoint, it will eventually fade away into a distant memory weeks, months, and years from now.  I want something, but I'll want something again and again and again, because my heart outside of Christ is an endless pit of needs and wants....emptiness trying to fill up. 

What are You speaking Father? 

I'm waiting now, listening now, praying now. 

When will You make known Your heart to me? 

More and more I get thirsty and hungry for more of You, because where you are is where I am home and full of love, but apart from You I can do or be nothing. 

When will I be transformed by Your grace more fully? 

I get deflated by the sin sickness I see in me and around me and in others, but I know that at my funeral all that will be remembered are the things You produced from my life that were good.  Help me live a life focused on Your goodness. 

Humble formations: 

I acknowledge the childish heart in me that gets so cranky or upset at not having my way.  I fuss and throw these inner tantrums and I refuse to accept the peace You give me.  I cling so tightly to my thoughts, I start to hate You.  I don't want to listen to You, I don't want to believe that I don't have to be anxious or worry or rushed, I would rather be upset at You and blame You for when things don't go as planned, because I wanted things a certain way.  I can throw a fit and wail my arms and turn my back on you and roll my eyes and start to bubble up inside with stress and frustration...or I can cry.  

I can cry because at the end of all of that fighting with You, I'm just me and You are still You.

Humble formations is recognizing where I stand  at the foot of the cross.  Humble formations show me what I am and who You are.

But I hate it.  And then I hate myself.

I couldn't breathe and I couldn't gather my thoughts in a coherent way. 

My body aches and my mind is restless. 

What was then and what is now gets all mixed up.  

Some days there is no conclusive bridge to close the gap from my heart to my head.  There is only faith in what I do not see happening.  Only faith will bring me home at this point.  Only faith that feeds on humble formations.  

Jmegrey