I want a resolve Father!
“Lord, my heart is not proud;
my eyes are not haughty.
I do not get involved with things too great
or too difficult for me.
Instead, I have calmed and quieted myself
like a little weaned child with its mother;
I am like a little child.
Israel, put your hope in the Lord,
both now and forever.”
Psalms 131:1-3
This is one of those moments where I read a verse and it is the exact opposite of where I truly am. I am not the calmed and quieted child who puts hope in God. I am stuck in the confusion of trying to understand something but getting nowhere.
My heart is probably proud because it insists on being able to understand and grasp what is making me....uncomfortable. My inadequacy. My troubled mind. This begins to build the arrogance in me, because I will not back down not even for the sake of peace.
My eyes feel haughty, seeing yet not perceiving. I feel frustrated.
This is too great for me.
This is too difficult for me.
But reading this is authoritative. It is the Word of God speaking on my behalf as a prescription for my troubled heart. It pierces my heart as the Word so often does. This is true and whatever I may be holding on to in thought must submit to this truth.
And so I pray, God, for mercy.
I wanted...demanded resolve in my mind, but You remind me to rest in the mystery of who You are and who I am. I am a child in the arms of an able Father who will bring all things to be according to Your will. Help me rest in You and put my hope in You.
“Or do you think that I cannot call on My Father, and He will provide Me at once with more than 12 legions of angels?
How, then, would the Scriptures be fulfilled
that say it must happen this way? ”
Matthew 26:53-54
Jesus could have had His resolve and been relieved of the pain he was about to endure, but He chose to willingly suffer rather than have resolve because He wanted it to happen if that was the way God, in Scripture, wanted it to happen. He could choose relief from pain (pain resolved) or suffering in pain (pain unresolved), and He chose the way unresolved...because more than His resolve He put His final resolve in the Father's will.
This is a difficult thing for me if I try to reason my way through it, but if by faith I take it up I can rest.
Even in this I am a child called to rest and to quiet and calm myself.
The Father is good, and I am his.
I may not know how He will be doing things or when, but I can choose to put all my hope in that His will is being done.
“God is not a man who lies,
or a son of man who changes His mind.
Does He speak and not act,
or promise and not fulfill?”
Numbers 23:19
The mystery of God is revealed in Jesus, that God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believes in Him will not perish but have eternal life.
I believe Lord, help my unbelief!
These are the moments when my world shakes me up. I have what I believe, both in knowledge and in experience, and then I have the area where I am still being perfected through the process. The vulnerable space where my heart is facing what the Spirit is changing: my desires. I am forfeiting self-glory for the glory of God to be made much of. I can only do this if I am made more whole in Him than I would be if I got everything I wanted. It's strange to think that everything I ever wanted was actually not good, because what I want by nature is death. At the end of myself is me, but I am more me when I am less myself! That is strange....how come I assent to this ridiculous idea? Because the Word has revealed that I am a sinner and that Jesus has made a way for me to be saved. I understand that I am broken, and because I see my brokenness and need for wholeness I see hope in Jesus.
If Jesus is right about one thing, He must be right about all things because He is either the Son of God or He is not.
The problem is my will.
My natural love for human glory makes it impossible for me to know God. I must stop seeking the love of human praise. I need to be changed in my will. To will the Father's will, willingly!
Take it out Lord! Take out my heart that loves human praise! Change me God.
I am the problem and the error,
You are way and the truth to real life: the blessed life, the good life.
The Lord's Prayer is a daily prayer, one which must be Prayed each and every day!
Abba Father, I need You to take care of me.
My resolve is two sides of one coin: on one side it is me who is a baby on the other side it is God who is my Father. What do I know?? Only that God is my Father, and I am just a child.
I pray a deep will work to go on in my heart, so that I would be changed and my will would be transformed to Your will!
Jmegrey
No comments:
Post a Comment