Unbelief

"I do believe.
Help my unbelief!"

Sound familiar?  It's in Mark 9:24.  A man asks if Jesus is able to heal his son.  Jesus rhetorically exclaims: "If I'm able?  All things are possible to him who believes."  And the man desperately gasps: "I do believe; help my unbelief!"

I do believe.  Help my unbelief.
Enough said.
But is that enough?

Where does that leave us? 

What can we do when part of us believes and another does not? 

I think faith is for the broken hearted because all their hope rests on God, who is invisible.  

This life and this world have a system of it's own, and it does not love those that love God.  It operates by a different standard, it upholds contrary values, and ultimately promotes sin.  

Where does that leave his children?  Otherwise known as "Christians"?

Or more specifically, where does that leave me?  Where does that leave you?

I envy those who aren't bothered by these kinds of thoughts, they just somehow manage to "rest" in God.  Whereas I find I'm constantly standing like one looking through a telescope trying to comprehend the universe only to be met with confusion, fear of the unknown, and more than a million theological black holes.  I read an article that said just to take the next step, but isn't a direction need to be established first.  So what direction am I going?  What if I need to redirect.  Then I suppose a step back would still qualify as a "step" in the right direction.  

But what a painful process that one step is.  A little faith would help catalyze the move, but belief is an ongoing boxing match in my brain.  The countdown will begin, but just when I think we've got a winner they're at it again.  It's hard just watching.  

Acts 16:31 makes it sound so simple 

And they said, "Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved, you and  your household.”

Like "that's it!"

Me: "that's it?!?  What does that really mean?  Cuz I believe, but unbelief is in me as well!"

“A perfect faith is nowhere to be found, so it follows that all of us are partly unbelievers.”

-John Calvin

I don't know if that is supposed to comfort me or exacerbate the agony over the unending duel between my belief and unbelief.  One cries faith, the other cries foul!  It gets messy sometimes, and scary.  

Until I recall the Holy Spirit.

It's uncanny how I forget Him as a Person!  He is the reason Jesus left us, meaning He is what we need INSTEAD of Jesus in the physical.  Because Jesus the Son of God, in the physical, cannot be with us everywhere we go, but God the Holy Spirit, in spirit form, can!  

I have a hard time developing a relationship with an invisible, yet very real and alive, Person.  It's easy to forget He's there.  Yet when I need direction or guidance, I have the Holy Spirit who is God.  He is said to speak, reason, counsel, be grieved and give fellowship.  

Oh that God would help my unbelief!  Especially in times of silence, when I must hear from His invisible Spirit. 

Blessed be God, because he has not rejected my prayer or removed his steadfast love from me! (Psalm 66:20 ESV)