Insecurity

I was raised as the happy and tenacious daughter of a family physician and stay at home mom.  I was always the leader in groups and I had more energy to fuel a thousand electric vehicles.  Kids would flock to me because I was confident and probably because I was rich.  In fact I even owned a power wheels...sadly I think it was pink and Barbie.  But anyways, the point is I remember feeling powerful as a kid, I had the world in my hands ready for me to mush it into my play thing.  I would write stories, puffy paint on my shirts, create jewelry, and dance my heart out like a broadway performer, and I didn't care who saw me.  I was this great artist.  I ate Popsicles all day, and never even knew what boredom was, let alone anxiety.

Since I was young I always recall being encouraged to be unique.  Later, I sort of found out my mom used this tactic to cleverly shield me from the fact that everyone saw my brother as "so cute and handsome" and they'd turn to me, and quickly change the subject.  Ok, so not everyone, but I was really strange and oftentimes called "weird", ensconced by my mother as "unique".  I was this gawky awkward girl with two missing front teeth later filled out by the most protruding buck teeth.  But up until the 7th grade I remember being a powerful force of confidence and carefree energy.  Then somewhere between jr high-senior year of high school something changed.  I'm not exactly sure what it was or how it happened, and I don't intend to blame anyone but myself, but my confidence became less real and more of a facade- a defense mechanism for the strange insecurities that began to seed within me.  

A seed that has grown over the years into all kinds of "bad fruit".  I can chop down the trees a thousand times, but if the root remains so will it's produce.  

Chop off what needs to be chopped off for the sake of killing sin, not just your guilt. 

Not literally, but maybe literally.  Haha.  I think the verse below puts sin into specificity.  Gouge out the cause not just the result.

Matthew 5:29-

If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell.

Insecurity is a "root" sin.  

Is it not?  

Let's unwind this: 

 INSECURITY, noun- lack of confidence or assurance; self-doubt

Synonyms for insecurity are: 

Doubt

Hesitancy

Indecision

Self-doubt

Uncertainty 

Vacillation 

ANXIETY

My definition would be: looking for security in something other than God.  

It is your heart saying that Christ is not enough for you.

Insecurity is wanting something more.  

More than Christ.  

The insecure person needs more than Christ, because they do not see the fullness of the riches (of His grace) and glory in Christ.  

Philippians 4:19-

And my God will supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus.

Hebrews 11:1-

Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.

They say: "I see Christ, BUT I want this or that".

Christ is not sufficient for them.  

Insecurity is a sin because it looks for "security".  

What is "security"?

Noun, freedom from care, anxiety, or doubt; well-founded confidence. 

Synonyms for security:

Armor

Covenant

Defense

Freedom

Immunity

Earnest

Promise

Redemption

Refuge 

Retreat

Salvation

Shelter

Shield 

Surety

So does it conclude that insecurity is indeed a sin?  

If there is sin in you... recall grace, and desire to desire to turn away from it, allow God to renew your perspective and hate sin more than you love it.  And by grace remain steadfast in the hope of freedom.  Let God fight for you as you let go of control.  Understand that people will tear your ego to shreds, bad things will happen, you might lose something of earthly value, but whatever happens, you gain much much more in Christ who raises the dead to life, frees captives, and is the greatest love of all. 

What do you bank on for your "security"?  Your refuge?  Your armor?  Is it Christ or is it something else? 

If you have an insecurity you have an area of indecision.  

I have a thousand million insecurities.  From the external to the internal, from past to present and to the future.  From reasonable to unreasonable.  All cause me to be anxious.  All fall outside the person of Jesus, in whom dwells the fullness of God.  (Colossians). I am repeatedly reminded by a still small voice to "fix my gaze on Jesus".

It always starts small.  Like a seed.  

The sin of insecurity. 

So how do we get rid of it? 

By looking to Jesus. 

He is our only Hope.

Ok, so you see where things get difficult?  How does one look at the invisible?  We cannot see Jesus with our physical eyes.  So what does it mean to "look at Jesus"?

When someone says "look at Jamie", and I am not present we all know that the idiom here is expressing directions to examine the person I am to the person they are speaking to.  Both externally and internally.  Jamie is Korean American.  She is a graduate student.  She likes to sing. She does not like eating mushrooms.  She studied abroad.  And so on and so forth.  

In the same exact way, that is how we "look at Jesus".  

So what do you "see" when you "look at Jesus"? 

He is real.

Believe in faith.

Jme